Nice 90min massage today... lunch with S19... zoom knitting with friends... packing for college...
I'm so proud of myself that I did NOT cave today and reminded myself of AS's words to stay dark.
I got texted yesterday "Have you taken more money out of X Bank".... uh, no. We recently came to the agreement that the bank accounts have already been divided - he more or less stated that after throwing a fit I took out funds months ago (my half). I've never been to either of "his" banks since.
It has really bothered me that he thinks I'm taking more money out of the account. Sure, I want to text back - I told you I would not do that again after the last time.
But its not like he would bother letting me know - oh hey made mistake sorry I accused you.
So instead I'm texting nothing and going dark.... But, I won't lie its been on my mind more than it should have today.
It blows my mind that a grown man can’t keep track of a bank account balance and needs to message you about it. It’s like you’re his mother which is so strange to me.
In any case, stay NC and you’re on the right path.
It blows my mind that a grown man can’t keep track of a bank account balance and needs to message you about it. It’s like you’re his mother which is so strange to me.
In any case, stay NC and you’re on the right path.
In his defense I took care of all that for 10yr. And this is a bank acct that is rarely used... but you aren100% right on why he would text me that.
For starters when I did take money without telling him first it was nastiness with accusations and hate. This time it was like a casual text... did you take more money from bank?
You need to go dark with your head space too. Going dark means no contact, but it also means not dwelling on everything he says or does and analyzing it six ways to Sunday.
Post it hear, that you didn't respond. Then move on with the rest of your day which looked pretty full from the above.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I don't think it's because he can't keep track of his bank accounts. I think it's his way of baiting you to get you to contact him. If he can't get you to respond to his texts one way, he's going to use another excuse to get you to reply. Besides, he should be getting bank statements or can go on line and see what is happening with those accounts. He's a grown man and he can look this stuff up for himself.
Stay dark. Watch and see just how many times he texts/calls you when you remain dark. Always remember...you are not his mother and he fired you as his wife a while ago. Time for him to grow up and take care of himself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
OMG - could it be ANY more hot on college move in day??? And to have to wear masks... and his dorm does not have A/C.
But, we did it!!!
Packed the SUV, borrowed a bike rack and figured out how to install it... drove to college and got it all unloaded.
True form as me as a mom I unpacked all his clothes and put in his closet and drawers all neat and tidy. And, since he is my son I think he will do a decent job of keeping it up... maybe... LOL
Home now... MIL called and said "I bet KitCat could use a phone call right now" as she knows I just dropped S19 off at college. Had a sweet conversation. Discussed their annual family reunion in light of Covid not so many people. One of her sisters had a card for S19 for graduation ----- super sweet!!!! Aunt M, Aunt J and Uncle N were my favorites in the family tree!!!
I also was able to message SS20 who successfully got back to his military base. He also confirmed his fiance' suffered a miscarriage (she was just 4 weeks). Hugs to them both.
Now texting male bff and drinking wine slushies... in 2 weeks should be sailing in Mexico!!!!
Great update KitCat!! Congrats to S19. I loved dorm living when I was in school. That’s half the fun, IMO. What an exciting time in life. Wine slushies sound amazing!!! Sounds like you earned them today. Enjoy.
*** I do need to know that I am handling this correctly ***
As I have put out here before H mentioned 3 separate times helping to move S19 to college.... well of course there was no follow through and I know he sees the move in date on the calendar.
I got frustrated last Monday as there was some business items to text. I caved and sort of texted - "you haven't gotten back with me on when we can meet in person to sign paperwork, you never contacted S19 about having dinner, you never followed up with moving S19 to college"
I 100% know I should not have said one freaking word but I was frustrated.
H followed up with "you never mentioned it"... "when is moving"... "does he really need help" H is working 12's and everything in on back burner right now.
I just simply stated "don't worry about it"
From that point I knew -actually let's be honest -I've known a long time I would be on my own moving S19 to college... After H asked about if I took more money out of his bank account on Tuesday I just stopped contact.
So today I'm driving home after moving S19 to college and I notice a text H had sent 18hr earlier. H's texts are muted. H texted at 9pm on Friday night "Are you going to need my help tomorrow or is everything going to fit in your SUV"
Uhm.... didn't he tell me on Monday he didn't have the time???
Well since I didn't see the text until 18hr later I just never replied. I also didn't reply once I saw the message.
Should I respond "sorry didn't see the text until now?" OR do noting??? I suspect everyone will tell me to do nothing but being the nice person I am I never leave a text message unanswered no matter who it is...
So you’ve been sitting on the fence for a long time and I think you need to decide what side you’re on. If you’re at the point where you’re gonna be friendly with him, ask for favors and ask him how his day was then you should respond to his text. If you don’t it makes you look like your pouting because he didn’t help.
Now if you choose the other side of the fence that he is in an open affair while still married to you and that you will not allow someone in your life that treats you that way. Then don’t respond.
Neither gets him back but one will earn his respect.
You absolutely positively can’t nice him back.
Relationships are about value and how you let people treat you. People will never do or say to you won’t you don’t allow them to. Do you know your value?
