I called out H today... He texted last weekend about getting together for paperwork and then didn't respond for 3 days... so I said you didn't get back to me about this paperwork you asked about, you never got back to S19 to take him out to dinner and you never followed through with help getting S19 to college.
WHAT? THE? HECK? Really?!?! And where in the DB manual did you see that this was the best thing to do?
Can I just say I felt 1000 times better after I did this.
I have put up with his mindless words for months... stuffing it down... knowing at the moment he says it he thinks he means it but there has never been one bit of action from it.
IDK if I have any option of being anything to this baby. I have left it in SS20 to decide what is appropriate. I don't care how offended H is... but I do care if SS20 feels stuck in the middle and uncomfortable. I will NOT do that to him.
I think at the day of our lunch SS20 was really not happy with his dad but I'm also smart enough to know that that could change later that day or the next day and things could be patched up. I know for the most part SS20 is overwhelmed with getting engaged... pregnancy... buying house and I'm sure all that played into the interactions with his dad. Overall their relationship has been way better in the last 2 years but growing up there were months at a time he would have nothing to do with his dad.... there was ALWAYS so much drama with the ex-wife and kids... and I always had his back... ALWAYS. He clearly did not do the same for me.
I've really tried to come from this from a place of strength and dignity... I just don't know any more.
I know what ever happens I will be fine. My validation does not come from my H. It does not come from SS20.
Manipulation??? Or just trying to act as if --- like he didn't break me... Wouldn't throwing a hissy fit, being nasty or avoiding also be manipulating him by just being the opposite looking for attention. There isn't anyway to win this but looking back wouldn't it better than I acted with self respect and kindness???
Somewhere in between. Boxing up his stuff and leaving it in the garage.
Originally Posted by KitCat
Personally at that point - yes, I wanted to behave in a way that would allow a path back to our relationship. If you told me to act like a total witch because it works I would have done that instead.
Again somewhere in between. Show him you have respect for yourself.
Originally Posted by KitCat
When I say I went off on my H.... well let's be real. I wasn't angry. I wasn't hateful. In one short sentence I pointed out that his words don't even come close to his actions... sure I could have put on there the motorbike ride offer... the offer to make more dog treats. But, I kept it to one sentence. To point out that his words CLEARLY mean NOTHING.
Again, why do you expect anything from him????????
That I call BS..... that was my point. I'm not stupid... that was my point.
Quote
Originally Posted by KitCat
As for the block - SS20pic showed up on my FB feed and H commented but I can't see it because after 6months he feels now is the time to block me. WHATEVER.
He may be trying to spare your feelings.
That's giving him a lot of credit.... too much credit... He most likely feels I was stalking him but frankly who has the time? I have not been to his page or OW's page in over 5months.
I just really hate him right now. He has become such a disappointment. I mean I tried to see the positives... he moved out and has less of a commute to work and that should lower his stress level... he is at the family farm and able to help so much and he is building a closer relationship with his mother again... With time and space and some breathing room maybe the negative aspects that were building for him would dissipate.
I know I made mistakes in our M.... but he is a pig. I don't deserve to be treated like this --- I've been gracious and helpful and he doesn't want to get an atty so here I am doing the work of his D. STOP BEING A PIG. Rant over.
I get the stepkids thing a little; I hope your SS and SD remain a part of your life. It's great you're trying to maintain your relationship while keeping them out of what's going on between you and your ex. Having a step-grandkid to spoil and knit things for sounds delightful!
Originally Posted by KitCat
I've been gracious and helpful and he doesn't want to get an atty so here I am doing the work of his D.
Aren't you drafting an agreement primarily because you believe he's in a generous mood? That's a good motive if that's your read. If you're doing it to be gracious or helpful, I might reconsider the decision.
I get the stepkids thing a little; I hope your SS and SD remain a part of your life. It's great you're trying to maintain your relationship while keeping them out of what's going on between you and your ex. Having a step-grandkid to spoil and knit things for sounds delightful!
Originally Posted by KitCat
I've been gracious and helpful and he doesn't want to get an atty so here I am doing the work of his D.
Aren't you drafting an agreement primarily because you believe he's in a generous mood? That's a good motive if that's your read. If you're doing it to be gracious or helpful, I might reconsider the decision.
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Hi KC,
I thought the same thing. You were not getting attorneys involved because HE was being gracious with the settlement.
Not because you were yet again not moving him back?
I meant to say “ not nicing him back” but autocorrect doesn’t like me .
KK. You change your narratives and it looks like manipulation. You say you kept the lawyers out because he was giving a good deal . Now you say it’s because you were being kind and gracious because he didn’t Want lawyers.
Stop making it about you doing things to appease. Either you Are getting a sweet deal so you aren’t bribing lawyers in, but no reason to be nice and gracious and keeping lawyers out of it for his sake
I meant to say “ not nicing him back” but autocorrect doesn’t like me .
KK. You change your narratives and it looks like manipulation. You say you kept the lawyers out because he was giving a good deal . Now you say it’s because you were being kind and gracious because he didn’t Want lawyers.
Stop making it about you doing things to appease. Either you Are getting a sweet deal so you aren’t bribing lawyers in, but no reason to be nice and gracious and keeping lawyers out of it for his sake
I'm "allegedly" getting a sweet deal ----- right now they are just words from him.
He doesn't want to get an atty. So I am doing the work under the 'guise' its going to be huge in my favor.
Given how is actions do not align with his words... I'm starting to get a clue that this perhaps is just more BS being spewed from his mouth.
Last Friday he contacted me about getting together to go over paperwork.... then he doesn't bother responding about a date/time... nothing.
And, when I bring it up today... still nothing.
Until we hammer it out there is nothing for me to take to the atty.
SOOOO... I'm starting to question am I really doing this to get the sweet deal... or is there no sweet deal to be had and I've done all this work to get screwed over royally.
His actions today to do not align with his words and frankly his track record the last 6 months.
I'm all around in a p*ssy mood.
Last edited by job; 08/11/2011:55 AM. Reason: edited a word
And I heard from SS20. I just said I'd love to knit little sweaters and hats and blankets but if it makes him uncomfortable given the situation I understand and respect his wishes.
He texts back that things are hold at the moment until the doctors get back to finace' about whats going on.... He would keep me posted.
OH CRAP...
Told him they were both in my thoughts and to keep me posted... he said he would.
