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#2901716 08/09/20 09:01 PM
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Gigi123 Offline OP
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Previous Thread:

Just coasting


Quick summary:

Difficult 12 months, a lot of unhappiness on both parts, H unhappy waving red flags, me too wrapped up to recognise or do anything.

Feb-i would say ea with a colleague
March-inappropriate messages on pc found and h says we are done.
2 months of living together whilst he tells me that they are just friends. I ask him to move out.
Lies, manipulations, not kept commitments, blaming me for everything.
Nearly 5 months in and kids dont know anything

A lot of spending on his part, but wanting ti have convo re money and how we go forward as it will be tights, as continues to Spend like theres no tomorrow.
Today H said he started D paperís.

Follow up txt with are u ok? Boys ok?
I respond re boys not myself.


Wont see him for 2 weeks from Tuesday which is a relief.

Last edited by job; 08/10/20 12:12 PM. Reason: Fixed link
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Feel much better today re D situation, it will be a long road i know to agree everything and particularly re kids.

I dont initiate any contact and only respond to txt re kids or any arrangements that we had.

I don't want to be cold, but inevitably it feels rather tense between us at the moment. Which i guess is normal.

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Question: so i have a proposal for H around some of the bills etc, its no biggie but it will be me driving it. In terms of communication as i dont want to get into a debate around things. A txt with this is for your information would be appropriate?

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I would highly suggest not texting or calling about this stuff. I'd move it to email.

Here is why:
1. Email allows you to deal with his responses in your own time. They are less in your face.
2. It keeps a written record of the messages. Calls are not recorded. Texts can be deleted and getting texting records from carriers requires a legal document.
3. He cannot later claim he didn't say that. And trust me, he will try. He will try to call you so there is no written record. He will prefer texting in lieu of calling because he knows it is more transient than email.

The way you start this is to send him an email saying that from now on you want to move these discussions to email. That if he tries calling or texting your response will be via email (you can even cut and paste the text into the email so there is a record of it!).

Gigi, you have avoided me every time I mention this so please answer this question: HAVE YOU CONSULTED WITH A LAWYER YET?


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Hi Steve

Thank you, not yet, i will be out of the country for over two weeks, this is something im planning on doing when we return. I didnt intentionally avoid the question, it sort wasnt at the forefront of my agenda, but now It has to be to protect me and the boys. Even if we agree between ourselves we need to seal the deal legally if not through divorce then through legal separation.

I have no idea what he will cite in d papers as reason for D. As there is certainly no unreasonable behaviour on my part.

I assume this will drag on if i dont sign those, he is doing some sort of online application to avoid the extra costs.

Last edited by Gigi123; 08/10/20 02:53 PM.
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Yeah, my WW was intent on doing an online, quickie cheap D. Here is the thing, he is dreaming. There is no such thing with kids involved. Even if you agree on every point, which you probably will not.

Also, my bursting her cheap, quick, online D bubble was a real eye-opener to her. WSs take the path of least resistance. You do not have to agree to such a D.

Regardless, this is a legal process and you need expert legal advice. Getting a lawyer will tick him off. SO what. He is a lying cheater that is leaving you for another woman. Screw him and his wants.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
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Oh, and move all communication to email. You can think me later.


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Yes i will do, i think that will be a shock for him, he is feeling resentful that i get to go away and going to cyprus with boys in october and get to stay in the house and so on, so this will hit him.

So in return he is spending money like there is no tomorrow and paying with the card so i can see where he has been and how much is spent. He totally lost his marbles.

I dont have to agree to anything frankly, in 5 years he can divorce me without my involvement whatsoever.

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Yeah....I am sure you don't want this to go on for 5 years.


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Not if he is behaving like he is, he has totally lost it

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