I can't help but feel sad for S though. Even though my son and daughter and I have had our differences and we're not as close as some families, there is an underlying core strength there, respect and admiration that she just doesn't seem to have.
It doesn't sound like respect and admiration when your son doesn't return your call for 2 months. Canadians in glass houses shouldn't throw stones lol.
Been a busy week. It was good to go into the plant on Thursday. We had some issues that I was able to deal with by being on the spot that would have been tough to do remotely. They involved a broom and a tape measure. My job is ever so exciting. Even though nobody is exactly clear on quite what it is.
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Quiet time on the home front too. Our local school board is planning on re-opening as usual in September. S is planning on visiting with some of the other Moms in the village to see what alternatives are thought of. I expect that a lot of kids won't be attending. I don't know what the plan is for S13. S18 still has to finish high school and sign up for some programs to help him. He wants to finish but his anxiety issues are pretty bad and are keeping him from being successful. S says that he wants to go off to higher education. Personally I've been touting the blue collar life as being less stressful. I know for a fact that most companies continue to have difficulty in getting young people who want to work in warehouses or in production facilities as a long term career option. Decent pay, fairly good work.
S and I had our monthly budget meeting yesterday afternoon and it went well. She asked questions on how I've been managing the money and they seem I think to make sense to her. This month she'll probably get more engaged in the day to day paying of bills and watching the balances.
Expenses are of course way up, especially groceries. We talked about that and I suggested that we work harder on reducing the number of trips to the grocery store - something I know from first hand experience that causes an over-spend. Last week between the two of us, there were 4 trips. We'd like to go and do the shopping together but we can't seem to make that work with my work schedule and her sleep schedule.
Money has been tight at least from a "family budget" point of view. Certainly there have been some extraordinary expenses in the last few months.
Starting this month, S is going to contribute more to the day to day finances. We've held off until now so that she could sort out the expenses that she's wrapping up from her own independent life. She's tossed money into the pot for unusual expenses like the trampoline
We have some big expenses coming up in August. Her divorce filing, I'm taking a week off and we want a couple of nights away, taking her cats in for shots and micro-chips.
Part of our budget is what I call "pocket money" and she calls "walking around money". I think that this has been a bit of a mental shift for her. It's weird she has said to be able to just pull money out of her purse and pay for something trivial without having to think about it. Putting gas in the van when she needs to, having a snack or cup of tea. It's just not in her experience.
Busy weekend again but should be good. S's D25 is moving and S and S13 are heading up to mind GS1. S18 will learn how to use the lawn mower this afternoon and will cut the back yard. I've got some cleaning and puttering to do. A window-sill has a big amount of rot in it so I need to cut that out and make a dutchman to fill the spot.
Still no word from S25 and 20S hasn't heard from him either. Since I know that he's ok I'm not too worried any more. It may be that he's enjoying being on his own again. It may be that he's spending time with his mother. None of my business. I'm sure I'll hear from him. He knows where I live.
D28 is doing reasonably well. Her H was out to sea for a bit recently and they are exploring their area a bit - checking out places that are not crowded.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Teen boys eat a lot. Gluten-free specialty items are expensive. Combine the two and it can definitely blow up a good budget.
Solutions? 1) Naturally gluten-free foods - beans and rice are gluten free and cheap. Fruits and vegetables are gluten free and plentiful this time of year. Homemade snacks like GF brownies or cookies can be less expensive than store bought.
2) Buy in bulk. Here we have a chain of warehouse stores called Costco which is great for shopping for family-sized quantities.
3) Plan in advance (I know you’ll be good at this). If I had it to do over, when I cooked for a family I would have just had a set 2 or 3 week menu calendar of our favorite things, and not have had to constantly think of what to make.
4) Cook in bulk. Having some frozen leftovers that can be easily heated up in short notice can help avoid emergency meal expenses like takeout.
When all the girls still lived at home, we planned meals a week at a time. My XH and the girls were all picky eaters (XH more so than the girls) so we tended to eat the same meals a lot and I got bored with that crap because I'm a much better eater. We would sit down at some point on the weekend, WITH THE GIRLS, and we would plan the menu for the next week that would be written on a little dry erase board and stuck on the fridge so there was none of that "what's for supper" business when they came home from school. It also helped with organizing the shopping better and helping me remember to get stuff out of the freezer or whatever, since I had to walk by the fridge on my way out of the house. The rule was that no one HAD to help make out the weekly menu, but if you didn't help, then you didn't get to fuss about what we had for supper on any given night. Because the girls were teens and had their own jobs and money, we also made a rule that you were not obligated to eat our supper on any given night, but if you chose not to, then it was on you to provide for yourself whether that meant buying your own fast food meal or fixing yourself something (and cleaning up after yourself) at home. I'm not saying it is the perfect solution but it absolutely worked for us. In fact, it morphed into one night a week, the girls actually took total control of planning, preparing and cleaning up (usually Friday night, because for some reason, none of them usually worked on Friday nights) and they had to make sure that whatever groceries they needed were on the list. If they forgot stuff, it was on them to figure out how to get it or what to substitute. They really enjoyed that. We did that for several years, until all of the girls were out of the house. I noticed recently that 2 of them do it in their own homes now and they say it saves them time.
Also, freezer meals that kml mentioned above. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love the Pioneer Woman and she has several shows dedicated specifically to make ahead freezer meals. Google her and I bet you can find them. She has 4 kids so she does fairly budget friendly stuff most of the time. Of course, she's from Oklahoma so I may be partial to her because she's my neighbor to the west, but she really does have some good stuff.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Surprisingly for teenage boys, they are both waay under-weight and incredibly picky eaters. S13 has some gluten sensitivity that complicates it. Tonight for dinner S13 had a small piece of ham, a bit of rice and counted out the number of peas that he had to eat before his mother would let him leave the table. The only other thing he had today was a largish piece of back bacon (Canadian Bacon) that I made him for breakfast. We couldn't talk him into eating lunch.
S18 will often pick up fast food paid for out of his own money or graze the convenience foods (mostly frozen pizza) in the freezer. But there will be days that go by where he doesn't eat anything beyond a couple of bowls of cereal.
I might imagine that their hyperactivity is perhaps a factor in the poor appetite but honestly don't know enough to judge. S worries about it quite a bit and has worked with the boys therapist on it.
Meal planning is a great idea and works really well for me which is why S likes me doing Sunday supper. For S - no. Her brain doesn't work that way. She is great with whipping something healthy, nutritious and tasty in short order - not that the boys will chow down on it. Unlike me, S is also a big believer in left-overs and has done some pretty nice things with them.
The key thing with multiple shops, especially without a list is that you come back with things you already have or don't particularly need. The pantry is stuffed full of food. S did point out that she was concerned in case we have to self-isolate for a couple of weeks but I don't see that happening. And I think that some of it is her general lack of methodical planning - something she admits she's not good at - and some of it is just enjoying the freedom of being able to buy food when she wants to.
I want to try to establish a routine that S and I go out together once a week and shop off a list and at least talk about meal planning.
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Things seem to continue to settle down although I did just have to stop typing to break up a cat argument. My girls are not backing down or giving in to the intruders. The older female cat S brought is chill but the young male cat is a jerk.
I'm currently dealing with a rather badly infected scratch on my leg from a week or so ago from one of the fights I broke up. It seems to have triggered my cellulitis a bit which is scary and annoying. S immediately researched everything she could find, I had a long soak in the tub (which helped) and then as instructed spent most of the day with my feet up and a cold compress around the leg. I picked up cellulitis years ago in Cuba, thought it was just an allergic reaction to a bite then each subsequent year it got worse during that trip. No issues anywhere else in the world, just there and now here.
Beyond the cold compress I am now taking garlic pills and using an antibiotic cream which S told me to do about a week ago and I ignored. The inflammation in 1 leg is pretty much gone now and the other is getting better I think. I have promised that if it turns worse that I won't waste time getting to the doctor's office. I know how quickly this can turn into something much much more serious.
Kinda wonder if she's realizing that I may be a bit more work to keep healthy than she imagined
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I was talking to S18 the other afternoon in the car ride home from his job - best time to talk to kids - and he also said that he really likes that he can "relax" here. I do get the feeling from time to time that the boys have in the back of their minds that they've seen this movie before though. They do seem confident though that this is now home.
The unpacking is progressing steadily. I'm fairly pleased over-all. There is still a very very long way to go. S and I have had some preliminary talks about what stays and what goes for the duplicates etc. When I see something she brought that is really nice I make a point of pointing that out and saying that I think we should keep it.
Anyway - that's all for now. Back to work tomorrow although I spent a few hours today doing planning and making calls to people who didn't have this as a holiday. I have a week's vacation booked next week.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Amphetamine based ADD meds can cause lack of appetite and slowed growth; many times the drugs are skipped for the summer out of school to allow catch-up growth.
Busy week both professionally and personally. Vacation starts in about 5 hours though. Which means at least a certain amount of less work. I booked an inn in S's home town for Sunday and Monday and she'll be finally able to show me around. The rest of the week is planned to be puttering.
I've signed on and composed a post a couple of times through the week but then canceled the post because really, there's not a lot to talk through. Writing helps me work through things in my head which is very very helpful. Kind of like a mirror therapist perhaps because talking to yourself is perhaps a stereotypical form of madness
A big part of the hassle with this week on a personal basis is that my darned cellulitus. As many know, any form of chronic pain is very tiring. And since this is obliging me to sit still as much as possible, that is an extra layer of frustration.
S has been fabulous - especially when compared to my ex-wife who would literally yell at me whenever I got sick. She's given me suggestions, instructed me clearly to not putter the way that I would normally, picked up some of the puttering load, keeps a close eye on me. She's not pushy or bossy about it but very empathetic. It's nice.
Both legs had gotten infected. One is essentially completely better. The other one which has the cat scratch that triggered it, is still red and swollen, but less so each day. Soaking in a hot tub with Epsom salts perhaps helped and perhaps hurt. After I felt some nausea and fever as I suspect that the infection was carried out of my leg and into other parts of me. But it did feel nice. I had a laugh though because I had my computer and phone with me so am taking calls from the plant while naked in a tub full of bubbles. I didn't mention it to them
I was worried because I had the blood-work to do for my now booked angiogram (end of the month) yesterday and if this infection would skew the results. The lab tech assured me most likely it would only affect my white blood cell count which wasn't one of the things specifically being looked for and if the doctor was concerned that they would follow-up with me.
My last angiogram was 10 years ago. At the time they identified I think 3 or 4 blockages one at 50%. They chose to not put a stent in at that time and generally I've been "fine". Angina attacks when I've been stupid like spending 4 hours chopping up the ice in the driveway in the winter. This time, I'm pretty confident that they'll put a stent in. Perhaps more than one. From what the doctor said, what I've been writing off as angina for some years has probably been a series of minor heart attacks.
Frankly it scares me. I know that there are risks in this sort of procedure. I also know that the risks are low especially since I am a more or less healthy and relatively young man. S doesn't get that this worries me and I don't really push it with her as I don't want her wound up. I've made sure that my kids are all well informed. I've not heard back from S25 as of yet but I do see that he's now reading in the family chat so he's up on current events. The same doctor who did this procedure 10 years ago will be doing this one as well so he's now a 10 year more experienced practitioner who undoubtedly has a steady hand and will competently deal with all issues.
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Work has been good. Tiring in some ways in no small part because I now get several hundreds of emails each day instead of the former around a hundred. I'm in the email lists for anything to do with the plant or orders. For such a small facility there's a lot of noise. Each of them has to at least be glanced at but it takes time and I have to do my best to stay on top of them because in the noise there is also a percentage of signal.
Customers and suppliers are also learning that I'm "the guy" and a lot of of them are starting to just send things to me as well. I just had a small (18 tonnes) order come to me directly from a customer. Who woulda thought. Good thing I suppose that my job title is obscure and vague. If nobody knew what it meant before, they really don't know now. I've received some very gratifying feedback from both the company president that I report to as well as the guys in the plant. They seem to think that I'm doing a good job - I know that I miss things. I had them almost run a pump dry this week. The operator caught my mistake, let me know taking it on themselves as their mistake to which I pointed out that no - I made the mistake because it didn't cross my mind that the pump running dry would be an issue.
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The settling in process in the house continues. The cats still argue a fair bit and the one older immigrant female cat is expressing her dis-pleasure at not being allowed outside by peeing on the rubber welcome mat. Not very welcoming but fairly easy to clean.
The unpacking proceeds. A good portion of the front porch floor is now visible. S said that her "field marshal" D25 has agreed to help unpack and organize which will undoubtedly be a whirlwind of results. Some of which we'll have to undo. That girl is a force of nature, shaped no doubt by being the oldest of 5 with a single Mom who was at times physically incapacitated.
S and S13 had a "play date" / "hanging out because teenagers don't do play dates" with some friends of mine and their two boys around the corner. They spent the afternoon there. When I asked S13 how it went I got a "meh" reaction. S used to live in the village years ago in an apartment over one of the main street stores so knew these people in a general sense. S13 played soccer with one of the boys a long time ago. They stayed outside because my friend wanted to ensure proper social distancing which meant no video games which annoyed the boys a bit.
S and my friend seem to have a lot in common and by the sounds of it got along well. I was a bit worried about S13 until his older brother asked how the day went. S13 bellowed out "THEY'RE RICH!", talked about the in-ground pool, the tree house wired for electricity, and it turned out that the boys got along fairly well. Played nerf guns - which both boys here do "all" the time and a few other things that I don't recall. So - while this might not be a steady hanging out option, it will undoubtedly be an occasional one and having someone a couple of blocks away to "do stuff" with will be good for S13.
And no - they're not "rich" at least in the way I look at the world. They are a hard-working real-estate couple who are successful and good at what they do. They actually did the "opinion of value" on my house during my divorce for me for free which was very kind of them. I think that they boys don't know how much money I make and it's perhaps good to keep it that way.
Speaking of money, S surprised me a couple of days ago by making a large transfer into the "family" account. During the budget meetings I've mentioned that I've been drawing down the "contingency fund" to cover the unusual expenses that have been being incurred. We also talked about when S has all of her past obligations sorted out and we are on a smooth path that she'll contribute more to the day-to-day. I didn't want her to be left short on her side where she doesn't have the large buffers I have built in to the "our" side. I did ask her how the funds should be allocated, she did say that repairing the contingency fund was a priority and the rest was to cover bills. So the merging of the finances is proceeding smoothly I believe.
There was one minor episode worth mentioning with S18. I am accumulating a stash of treats to send down to D28 and her H. S18 - after checking with his mother - appropriated part of it. The lure of Canadian chocolate was too much to bear. The next day he returned double the amount of chocolate with an apology that he couldn't resist and had checked with his mother. I told him, "no problem - thanks" and then later made a point of letting him know how pleased I was that he owned up and made good on what he borrowed without asking. I then (because the story is everything) told him about when I did the exact same thing to S25. I'm a bit miffed that this happened - but the resolution is fine.
Well - that's about all for now.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I truly hope you got antibiotics! Cellulitis cannot be cured by Epsom salts and essential oils. And if if you don’t properly care for it, you can end up with a blood stream infection. Please get yourself abx!
I truly hope you got antibiotics! Cellulitis cannot be cured by Epsom salts and essential oils. And if if you don’t properly care for it, you can end up with a blood stream infection. Please get yourself abx!
I'm using a topical antibiotic. Slathering it on rather generously. Plus cold compresses. Both suggested by S. Surprisingly no essential oils have been suggested although I have chugged down a number of garlic pills. There has been steady improvement. Probably not as much as I would get through an oral or intravenous antibiotic but I worry about those damaging my gut biome.
Being as I have a passing knowledge of chemicals, I was surprised and S was horrified at what some of the fillers in the garlic pills she was using were that I know "should be" biologically inert and are only added for cosmetic reasons. TI02 for opacity, iron oxide to make the pill yellow, a couple of others to bind it all together. Yellow is actually one of the hardest colours to reliably produce. This is one of the reasons I usually buy generic brand. They have less fillers but have the same concentrations of active ingredients. They are often made in the same plant with the same production controls and feed stock as the "name brand" products too.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Cellulitis is not something to mess with S isn’t a medical professional and you aren’t either. You need a specific antibiotic, not an OTC antibiotic cream. You need medical attention. I have 2 patients currently on my unit with bad cellulitis. One with positive blood cultures. Needs 6 weeks of IV abx.
But I know you aren’t a fan of doctors and medicine. And you’ll do what you’ll do. But it can be dangerous, just a warning .
