You are absolutely right, there is generally a lot said , but not many actions. He was meant to come and discuss the divorce, monay and kids on monday, and no more mention in this. He knows thats its not practical, he works full time, only free time he has is after 6pm! And weekends. Well kids will be at school from September and they are generally asleep by 7.30pm! So go figure how he is planning to make this work.
Honestly i have let him go, i dont ask,i don't participate, we communicate about children and sometime he will ask gow my day was at work. Thats pretty much the extent of our conversations. He no longer come to see the boys in the evenings, i have managed to oin him down to have the boys on thursdays for the next couple of weeks and fridays. If i didnt enforce this he would be happy to come on sundays and thats it. I dont know whats going on in his life but its far from happy.
Last edited by job; 07/22/2006:22 PM. Reason: added space between paragraphs
I think i read your thread and it just feels so similar in terms of what husband is saying, his reasoning and inability to take responsibility for his own actions, just trying to justify.
Its only been 4 months for us, but im seriously over it, you know the constant lies, the accusations. Coasting and not taking responsibility for anything. Lets put it this way, It works for me now because it doesnt affect me financially and the boys and i have kept our lifestyle. I know this is temporary, as soon he wont have anywhere to live and will have two options, move in back with us (shock horror on my face) or maybe with his sister!
Ill post again im sure when that happens! I have no idea how to deal with this sitch. As he is clear he doesnt wan to be with me, he is still seeing the girls and how am i supposed to live with him?!
Last edited by job; 07/22/2006:22 PM. Reason: added space between paragraphs
He knows thats its not practical, he works full time, only free time he has is after 6pm! And weekends. Well kids will be at school from September and they are generally asleep by 7.30pm! So go figure how he is planning to make this work.
If he chooses 50/50 custody, for his 50%, the portion of the problem he's responsible for solving, as a single dad he would has a few big options: 1. put the kids in childcare for the summer and after school--there are programs that follow COVID restrictions and provide socialization and enrichment, 2. work from home more often, 3. leverage his family, or 4. pay you a small amount to watch the kids. Most 50/50 dads I know opt for option #1 or #2. With 50/50 he'd have the money for #1 because he'd pay very little child support.
In that scenario, a stay-at-home mom often returns to work by choice or court order, because she similarly has to solve her problem of maintaining a household while raising the kids.
It's also possible he'll choose to be one of those "one weeknight and every other weekend dad". Then he will pay a high child support and your lifestyle may not change much.
I think i read your thread and it just feels so similar in terms of what husband is saying, his reasoning and inability to take responsibility for his own actions, just trying to justify. Its only been 4 months for us, but im seriously over it, you know the constant lies, the accusations. Coasting and not taking responsibility for anything. Lets put it this way, It works for me now because it doesnt affect me financially and the boys and i have kept our lifestyle. I know this is temporary, as soon he wont have anywhere to live and will have two options, move in back with us (shock horror on my face) or maybe with his sister! Ill post again im sure when that happens! I have no idea how to deal with this sitch. As he is clear he doesnt wan to be with me, he is still seeing the girls and how am i supposed to live with him?!
There is certainly a WS playbook. And most of them follow the majority of the playbook. For instance, another is history rewriting. Most of us have heard things like "I was never happy." My W and I were married for 19 years, with many many wonderful times and moments. But on BD it was all bad all the time from day one.
If you read other's threads you'll see that the overall actions, whether the details of the actions are the same or not, are very similar.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Im with you, honestly it sort of just confirms that its all words and no action, i have asked him to have the boys tomorrow whilst im at work, i dont think he would have volunteered himself. Well he hasnt in the last 4 months. We shall see if and when the convo happens
Yup, we are not compatible, you ruined it, you clearly dont love me, im finally free from this marriage, we havent been happy for years now.......funny that somehow it all end up being my fault too
It brings me a small measure of comfort how similar the scripts are from WAH's... H was telling me about how miserable he has been for YEARS and blaming me entirely for the breakdown of our M the other day and I broke my DB cool and asked him about his 50% contribution. He stuttered for a moment before launching back into me.
On my good days I see all of his monstering and blaming as a reflection of him and I pretend that there is a mirror between him and I, facing him, protecting me. And on my bad days, I think 'what if it's true? What if it is all my fault?'. I am working on having more good days than bad days.
Do you know Sage, im sure there were things you could have done different, i know i could have done! But past doesnt need us the future does! And in our situation the present needs us!
Im a logical, methodical person, who has acquired new found patience and emotional self control and somehow i see some of the things he says as some sort of comedy sketch, because its out of this reality! But i recognise it is his reality and he well and truly feels like that it in this moment. And i cant control his feelings, i can only control mine and this is what i try and do. Im working on i cant fix him. Still struggle when he comes to me with can you help me and cries.....
Last edited by job; 07/22/2006:27 PM. Reason: added space between paragraphs
Please do a hard enter when you begin a new paragraph. Putting spaces between paragraphs makes it easier for others to read. Thanks!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
