Good update Joseph. Interesting how WWs are so flaky. I do not trust, for a moment, that she has truly changed. She has too many issues to truly change. And so I applaud the way you are handling this. So many LBHs would just welcome her back with open arms without requiring her to do the hard work.
As far as you being 100% detached.I hope that is true. We see a lot of LBSs that mask their attachment with a new person. So I am hoping that isn't the case. That you would still be as "detached" from your STBXW without the new woman in your life, as you are with her.
As you know, Rs are very difficult. So the likelihood of the new R with the woman lasting is low. If you haven't truly detached from your W then if your R with the new woman ends you will find yourself overly attached to your W again. So just make sure you are truly working through your emotional baggage with her and not just masking it with the new R.
Otherwise, keep up the good work.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
It's so good to hear how well you and the children are doing. I hope you will stay detached from WW and all the drama she brings. A good manipulator can have you sucked back in, before you realize it. I maintain that a WW knows when her H has truly let her go, and I see your WW being no exception.
Joseph, I think you've done an incredible job picking up the pieces of your children's lives, as well as your own.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Good update Joseph. Interesting how WWs are so flaky. I do not trust, for a moment, that she has truly changed. She has too many issues to truly change. And so I applaud the way you are handling this. So many LBHs would just welcome her back with open arms without requiring her to do the hard work.
As far as you being 100% detached.I hope that is true. We see a lot of LBSs that mask their attachment with a new person. So I am hoping that isn't the case. That you would still be as "detached" from your STBXW without the new woman in your life, as you are with her.
As you know, Rs are very difficult. So the likelihood of the new R with the woman lasting is low. If you haven't truly detached from your W then if your R with the new woman ends you will find yourself overly attached to your W again. So just make sure you are truly working through your emotional baggage with her and not just masking it with the new R.
Otherwise, keep up the good work.
I am truly detached. I needed to take control of myself and my emotions. It took some time and IC absolutely helped. As did these forums. At this point it honestly wouldn’t matter what kind of hard work she put in. In my heart, because of everything she’s done up to this point I don’t know if I’d ever believe she was being real. If I could ever trust her 100% again with me or my children and I deserve so much more than to live that life. Like I said, I hold no ill will or hatred for her, and I wish her happiness but I wish happiness for myself and my kids too. And I won’t settle nor should they.
As far as my new friend, she really doesn’t have anything to do with my progress. She is a wonderful human being, but I am enjoying being a father to much to really get attached or get too serious with someone. I’ve been honest with where I am at emotionally with her. I’m not 100% ok and I have no idea when I will be. Not to sound like a baby, but this was a traumatic experience for me and my kids and we need to fully heal before I make a serious commitment to anyone. So I’ve decided to commit to myself and my children. I just need to make sure I don’t helicopter parent and give them space to grow and because well adjusted members of society.
Originally Posted by sandi2
It's so good to hear how well you and the children are doing. I hope you will stay detached from WW and all the drama she brings. A good manipulator can have you sucked back in, before you realize it. I maintain that a WW knows when her H has truly let her go, and I see your WW being no exception.
Joseph, I think you've done an incredible job picking up the pieces of your children's lives, as well as your own.
Thanks Sandi. She’s made comments recently about knowing she’s lost me and she’ll never forgive herself for allowing it. I don’t get caught up in it. We all have choices to make in life and we have to live the consequences of them. As does she. I don’t concern myself with her feeling sorry for herself. And I can’t be manipulated as long as I stay true to myself and don’t fall into the mind games. I just don’t have the energy for it. I just take everyday for the gift that it is, and enjoy my kids and myself.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
So the OM texted me yesterday and I didn’t think anything of it, just figured it was mind game stuff. He basically just said he knows him and my W are soul mates and he’s not giving up that easy. I figured whatever you can have her, didn’t respond and blocked the number.
Today she shows up at the door asks me to come outside she doesn’t want the kids to know she’s there. I oblige, and she hands me paperwork. She tells me she finally found a job and she started it last week and she’s happy. She asks me to read the paper work real quick. The first one is something from her therapist, and she smiles at me and says she going to therapy for herself but wanted me to know she was serious about getting help this time. (I figure it’s manipulation but again, it does make me think). The second set of paperwork is a 12 month lease in her name. She tells me she left the OM. She knows she needs help and she needs to be on her own and get herself right. She tells me she loves me more and more everyday and she can’t stop thinking about me. She can’t stop thinking about the pain she caused me. And she can’t stop thinking about what she did to the kids. She says she going to try to win me back over the next year and she wants a chance to fix things with kids. But she says she’ll do whatever I’m comfortable with because she understands she lost the right to try to dictate anything.
I’m not sure what’s going on here.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
And how would your kids feel about this. What would it take for your kids to accept their abusive mother back into their lives ?
She had a miscarriage. And ginger I expected more from you! I thought you’d really lay into me here! Lol
Seriously I’m not sure what it would take for them to accept her back. But it doesn’t matter. I decided to take some time and really think about everything she said. I am a firm believer, and maybe this is a a fault of mine, that history seems to repeat itself. She’s done this once. She’ll do it again. And I’m just not willing to put anyone in that spot. Not myself and not my kids. It was a nice thought for a moment that maybe she really could change and maybe I could have my family back, but the reality is I would never trust her and never fully accept she’s changed. And that’s not fair to me, my kids or her either. So I’m just gonna stay the course. I’ve come to far and so have my kids to start to back peddle. I deserve better and so do my children.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
