For the longest time he was adamant about not wanting to screw me over but who knows where he is at if he is angry that he has to go get an atty. But, your right. There is no sense worrying about it now since there is nothing I can do about it.
I always read his claims to not want to screw you over as attempts to manipulate you rather than genuine, especially since they were often accompanied by requests to do something against your attorney's advice such as release funds or get access to his motorcycle without an appraisal in advance.
Interesting... now that you make me think about it EVERYTIME he has said he doesn't want to screw me over something was happening... I kicked him out... I filed for S... I filed FO... I took funds out of a joint acct... He lost his first atty...
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You're right--you don't know what he's feeling. My guess is you are correct he's in a hurry to unlock his funds or appease his GF--and if he's in a hurry your attorney will figure that out and it may give you additional leverage. Whatever he's feeling, he may not be feeling in two weeks.
That's a good point. And, that is why I wasn't able to go through with anything because what if I could mount some patience - what would things look like 30 days or 60 days?
I've put my phone in a safe place. My gut is still telling me to reach out to him... but I must do the opposite of what I want to do.... that is the correct move.
The only reason I would contact is because when he last opened up he was angry that I had still not done as he had asked about the account --- not doing it is not listening to him right? NO! That's not it at all.
Originally Posted by KitCat
Not sure what you mean here?
There is a difference between hearing and understanding his feelings and jumping to his demand for you to close out an account.
Originally Posted by KitCat
Of course this is all too late to him... and what hurts is how I see it all now. Perhaps if I had remained ignorant I wouldn't be in so much pain... the pain of just wishing he cared enough to see I get it now.
Look KK I can see you are working hard but it is clearly all about manipulation and control. It's gonna take some time before you actually get it and are able truly act without fear being the motivator. You can't undo 51 years in four months. I don't tell you 2-5 years to discourage you. That's just the reality. It will take your husband 2-5 years of consistent actions to see you really changed and it will take 2-5 years for him to seek the cracks in his and his GFs foundation. You won't have to tell him your reading books, he will know you are reading books.
Of course this is all too late to him... and what hurts is how I see it all now. Perhaps if I had remained ignorant I wouldn't be in so much pain... the pain of just wishing he cared enough to see I get it now.
Look KK I can see you are working hard but it is clearly all about manipulation and control. It's gonna take some time before you actually get it and are able truly act without fear being the motivator. You can't undo 51 years in four months. I don't tell you 2-5 years to discourage you. That's just the reality. It will take your husband 2-5 years of consistent actions to see you really changed and it will take 2-5 years for him to seek the cracks in his and his GFs foundation. You won't have to tell him your reading books, he will know you are reading books.
For sure I'm a strong personality with a hard drive. A lot of issues came up over time in our M. I recognize them now. And, I get it... you'd be surprised how much I have changed just recognizing how my actions were coming across.
Even though our interactions have been limited I'm sure H has noticed but I totally get that he isn't going to believe that I've suddenly changed completely. But, I have been approaching things with a different set of eyes and ears.
Either way I know I still have more work to do.
And, I have to really come to acceptance that he has found his happy place and its not with me any longer.
[For sure I'm a strong personality with a hard drive. A lot of issues came up over time in our M. I recognize them now. And, I get it... you'd be surprised how much I have changed just recognizing how my actions were coming across.
You'd be surprised how much we can tell about a person from their posts on this forum.
Originally Posted by KitCat
Even though our interactions have been limited I'm sure H has noticed but I totally get that he isn't going to believe that I've suddenly changed completely.
Nope he believes it's manipulation.
Originally Posted by KitCat
And, I have to really come to acceptance that he has found his happy place and its not with me any longer.
That's the million dollar question. Can you accept this as his reality?
And, I have to really come to acceptance that he has found his happy place and its not with me any longer.
That's the million dollar question. Can you accept this as his reality?
Don't have a choice do I??? I mean I don't like it. I'm not happy over it. I can't change it. I can't control it. If that is his truth I have to accept it.
