WW post D (Thanks BenB part 4)

[Andy88]

My W doesn't speak with or visit her family at all. I take the kids to her family functions and my MIL has come over once since my W moved out. If I didn't, they wouldn't see them.

We don't discuss the situation of our M or my W.

I am okay with it and it works for me. That may not work for you, only you can decide that.

[Mumin]

Hi all and thanks for input!
I decided to meet him/them but suggested we meet at a playground and Cafe.
He accepted.

Today he writes me again and says the playground can get messy and suggest again that we come to his place instead. Says he will be very glad if we do.
This family...
Might just go there but set a time restriction at an hour or so.

Also W wrote and asked how the kids are. Will answer tonight and maybe send a pic or two.
Still not sure how much I want us to share on our respective times with the kids (pictures etc).
W keeps sending pics from time to time but I almost never do. But now it's vacation time so maybe a bit different. I'm not sure.

[LH19]

M,

This is your NGS getting the better of you.

[Mumin]

Yes, I know it is my NGS. It gets clearer where it comes from now that I am spending time with my parents...
Any tips/pointers in this situation?

If it werent for the fact that the D5 expressed a want to go to his house (Grandpa on W's side) I would lean towards re-enforcing the playground/cafe. Now I am leaning to actually meeting his request.
He also gets drained mentally pretty fast if there is a lot of noice, so there actually is more legitimacy, than just covid, to him asking a second time.

[LH19]

Yes, I know it is my NGS. It gets clearer where it comes from now that I am spending time with my parents...
Any tips/pointers in this situation?

M,
IMO you have to dig down deep and decide what are your core values. How will you let people treat you? What are your boundaries?

[Mumin]

I regard to the above. We will meet at grandpa's place tomorrow.
He is 75 and has had cancer fairly recently and is a bit "brain tired"
So it is pretty clear what is the right thing to do here.
Also, I really don't have a reason to be angry at him.

Anyway.
Went to the woods and a Cafe with the kids and my mom today.
Had a really wonderful time!
W wrote and called during our walk in the woods but I chose not to read it or answer the call.
She had suggested a call with the kids so I ask D5.
Of course D5 said YES! So I called W on Facebook video chat and gave my phone to her.

I left the room to do some laundry but came back like 5 min later.
I saw W was in a car. Not at work which I thought.
After the call D5 told me a man was driving the car and W was going on a short vacation.

Her showing him makes me fing furious!
Atm I feel have to write or say something.
Calmed myself abit and write here first.

[SteveLW]

So what do you hope to accomplish by writing or saying something?

[LH19]

What are you going to say M?

What is the outcome that you are looking for by saying it?

[Mumin]

Wow, quick answers. Thank you!
Well one thing would be to establish some sort of grounds for co-parenting.
IMO the Co parent has to get a heads up at least 2 weeks in advance.

I can't believe she doesn't understand normal social boundaries.
Part of me really never ever wants to talk to her again, so that co-parenting thing isn't getting closer atm.

LH, you Co parent right? Not always a smooth ride I am assuming?

[MrBrside]

I can't believe she doesn't understand normal social boundaries.

she cheated on you ! - So its not a question of understand, more a case of she isnt bothered and will do as she feels.. Regardless of boundaries or whats right or wrong.

Don't let her get to you - it's not worth wasting energy over.