In short - Wife pulled away after childbirth a couple years ago. Things got worse. About 6-7 months ago, she said she was done. She filed for Divorce in January. Things were a little "better" fairly recently, where she was actually being more cordial or friendly at times, but then some divorce things didn't go her way and she's back to being full on angry at me and being very cold and dismissive.
I have been tempted to show her the first chapter of DR to see if it sparks anything in her mind, but know I'm not "supposed" to. However, I keep thinking back to the last success story at the very end of DR, where the guy gave his wife DR to read over the weekend, and it worked.
I thought too at one point to share the book with W. One big risk that I dont think has been mentioned before...it could lead her right to these forums and your posts here. Are you ok with her finding what you discuss online for the world to see?
I have hope for you and your sitch. Keep working on you.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
You can certainly do that if you do choose. It will satisfy your urge to do something to change your circumstances. My question is what if she reads it and says “yeah so what it doesn’t change anything”? What then? A letter? A video?
People don’t file divorce on a whim. It’s a long thought out process that they are 100% is the right thing to do. Time will tell if it’s the right decision.
I realized recently, that my lawyer and I have done pretty much all the work for the divorce. My lawyer has written up all of the papers, and I had to be the one to look at our assets and put together an actual proposal.
All she's done is make a 2 sentence proposal via an email to her lawyer way back when. It wasn't until she got my counter proposal that she didn't like that she actually wanted to have any sort of discussion about it.
The DR will not affect her in any shape or form. She will just view it as another attempt to mess with her head, therefor it will backfire. In time she will have a revelation of her ways, just not any time soon. You cannot do anything to speed up the process, but you can sure as heII screw things up. Leave her be, let her sort her things out.
In any case, what difference does it make if DR resonates with her? In her eyes YOU are the culprit, YOU are the root of everything, YOU are the cause of her hurt and any and all your actions yust further proves that to her.
Drink a nice tall cold glass of STFU juice and go work on yourself.
Talked to my coach today. I asked about revisiting a conversation to show some understanding. I asked if it was okay, or if you should let it go once you're out of the moment. He said the goal is in the moment, but with the situation amd her not really speaking to me, it might be beneficial.
So, I tried to reach out and offer some understanding. I started by telling her I appreciated her honesty in telling me why she changed her mind on some of the assets (she wanted to take back everything she had ever given me). And I told her I recognized that she invested a lot of time and money and things didn't work as expected and now with the Buyout it must be hard.
She came back and basically just went on a mini rant of nonsense. I never would have married someone if I thought they had the mindset she displayed. Not sure if that was just her emotions speaking.
I just told her I could understand how she might see things that way (I really can't...not in any way) and that I probably didn't explain my perspective, or where I'm coming from, very well and left it at that.
Whelp. I think everything has been signed and filed now and it's just up to however long it takes for the courts to do their thing.
My W is still very angry with me. I've never seen someone so stubborn and so hard on to hold a grudge.
It seemed that any time there may have been some "progress" or easing of tensions, the divorce itself would creep its head in, and things would go backwards. Unfortunately, that whole "Time is your friend" thing that gets thrown around, didn't apply to me, or others in a similar situation.
Not sure where things will go moving forward. She has 4 months from the date the decree is ordered to pay the buyout. The buyout would be what I use for any down payment on a house.
I can stay in the house with her and pay rent. There are advantages to that. I can save more money for a bigger down payment, I can spend more time with my daughter, and maybe more importantly, make sure my wife isn't too careless with her, and I won't have to dismantle my theater - for now).
I don't think that the "gift of time" reference means the "gift of time" to save your MR. I think that it refers to the "gift of time" to focus on yourself, to heal, and to rebuild your life. And it is definitely a gift that. Anyway, I am sorry to hear that you're divorced. But it is just a piece of paper.
