It was a great, relaxing, peaceful birthday. We took 3 walks on the beach, my dad and his wife put together a photo board for me. We had take out Mexican and margaritas. We played some board games. It was really nice. I had lots of reflection as one can only do when you enter midlife. Especially a divorced single mom.
I accomplished so much in my 30’s that were against the odds and I really had to work for. I advanced my degree. I advanced my career. I bought a house. I watched my ex marry his affair partner and Somehow ended up having a good relationship with him and his wife. I went through some unhealthy relationships and cane out stronger and a better woman each time. I feel in love with a man and his child and I lost that and I still survived that.
There is only one area I haven’t been prosperous or “succeeded” and we all know what that is. But I’m pretty successful everywhere else even when it was really Fing hard.
Oh, and I am raising one fantastic kid.
So, I did pretty good in my 30’s despite so many challenges. Here’s to my 40’s! I’ll kick your butt too!
I may be a little chunkier in my 40’s too, but I am pretty healthy, and I still look like I’m in my early 30’s.
Core, to answer your question.......
I’ve been separated /divorced, 12 years. My daughter was a baby, so the first few was survival mode and I had no desire to date. I did date, but I had maybe 2 semi-serious R’s which were short lived and didn’t work out for particular reationships, and one that I thought was going to lead pretty far that was a year long R that ended last august.
Anyways, it simply hasn’t happened for me. I was told for so long it would happen, don’t be stupid, you’ll get remarried, have more kids, etc. never happened. So I am fully aware it may not be in the cards for me, a real long term healthy relationship.
And I guess that’s the rub now. I could be dating some guy. I’m not hard on the eyes, I’m successful, a good mom, independent and a great person, friend, I’m educated and have a career. I treat the guys I date like gold. But unless someone can come close to offering what I can, I’m just not interested. Probably due to be alone so many years. The life alone is not a fear for me. And I’m seeing often times it’s heck of a lot better to be alone than with someone who cannot step up to the plate and I have more frustarion in the R than I do joy.
It’s going to take quite a man . And unfortunately at my age, they are just going through their divorces and are still kind of broken . And have no clue what to do with a good woman who doesn’t cause them so much drama.
So here I am. Preparing for a life without a romantic partner. Maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised. Who knows?
I also wanted to thank everyone for sticking by me for so long, offering me support. But I gotta get away from these bords. Too much time in newcomers and it’s upsetting.
I just want to really try to take the time and focus on me and this new norm over here.
This board has become sort of a habit and sending my mind places that isn’t good for me right now.
There are times when we have to walk away for a bit. You've had a lot going on in your life over the last 5-6 months and now is a good time to take a break and enjoy your home, yard and your daughter. Give yourself permission to enjoy life a bit more, especially now that things are starting to open up again.
I'll be checking in w/you to see how you and your daughter are doing.
The door is always open...
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Happy belated birthday! So happy it was a good one as it was much deserved.
Just jumped over to Newcomers (for some reason I have always stuck to MLC and here) and figured out why you feel the need to take a break. It is tough because we meet people at various points in their journey. It takes time for advice to resonate.
I just want you to know that you helped me so very much when my h had a MLC. And I have watched you help so many others here. You have touched so many lives. Just don’t want you to take a break without realizing that your voice here is also a huge check in life-success column for you. It is oftentimes too thankless.
Thank you for all the incredible support you always offer.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Happy belated birthday! I've appreciated your advice. Take time and space for you.
Originally Posted by Ginger
The life alone is not a fear for me. And I’m seeing often times it’s heck of a lot better to be alone than with someone who cannot step up to the plate and I have more frustarion in the R than I do joy.
I also wanted to thank everyone for sticking by me for so long, offering me support. But I gotta get away from these bords. Too much time in newcomers and it’s upsetting.
I just want to really try to take the time and focus on me and this new norm over here.
This board has become sort of a habit and sending my mind places that isn’t good for me right now.
Thank you as well for the support and perspective you've given me and the others. Newcomers is tough, I completely understand. So many negative feeling being shared and expressed constantly, endlessly. Please know you've had a positive effect which Im sure has rippled out to others. I hope you find what you're looking for and get some peace with what you're working through. You'll be missed!
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
I admit, I miss my place to write out my thoughts. ANd i Have alot of them swirling through my head and I haven't been sleeping well lately.
My aunt ended up in my hospital again, from ICU to my floor and i saw her and my heart broke. She is dying. She went from my hospital to rehab back to my hospital hasn't been home. FInally, she is home on hospice care. The night before she came home I went to my cousin's and spent 3 hours with her and my uncle and my other cousin explaining, preparing, etc. My uncle couldn't stop crying. HE hadn't stopped crying for a week. It was so hard to see. She came home on Thursday and has had her good days and not so good days since. Taking someone home on hospice is the hardest thing. I just feel all their pain. ANd my nephew is turning a8 and they were so close, its sad to know he is having such a hard time. I've been doing my best ot give the support there.
Work is running me down, I have no idea how much I can last with 2 jobs. My other job wears me to the bone it has been so busy. I also hate when there is beautiful weekend weather and i am there. But I gotta do what I gotta do.
I am out 2K from my cruise arguing with the cruise line and the credit card company. It's been awful, and I don't think I am going to win. Long story, won't bore you, but it is comepletely unfair and I am ready to sue.
I hired a contractor to fix my stairs and mput in my patio. I am paying for the patio and my dad is paying for the stairs. I can't wait until it's done, the work starts in a week. The yard and house is so much maintenance but its a nice hobby but exhausting But I lvoe having my own outdoor space. I am tying from there as we speak.
I almost ended up spending the day with my ex yesterday at our neighbors pool. I was almost glad the pool was green and they didn't come. D12 invited her dad because it was his weekend and he was making a BBQ out of it. But it didn't happen. They dropped of my birthday gift yesterday when I was out. In t was a bottle of wine that was $40 . He told me something about it and that he had his friend chose a good one for me. It's so weird, I don't know where to begin.
I've really been changing my eating habits and sticking ot my diet. Yesterday was my 2nd cheat day, and I realized it isn't really so much fun to cheat when you are alone. I've been dropping the pounds and quit drinking during the week. In this area, I am really committed to changing. Outdoor dining does open up this week, But I will still stick to it.
I am still lonely as can be. Friends are still not hanging out. I realize I don't have so many who live close to me anymore.And the ones that do just aren't ready. ANd they have their families. I have no husband, no boyfriend,a nd I have ot give up my kid every other weekend. I have no other family, no brothers, no sisters, no one. My cousin, but her mom is home dying. The hardest part of being single is not having that extended family or the extra friends you do couple stuff with. It hurts alot. I looka t my friend's FB posts with her huge family and I wish they would adopt me. I long more for family than i do a BF. ANd I miss my ex BF because of his family and that time spent together.
It really, really stinks. I sometimes stillc an't believe this is what is in the cards for me. To just be so alone in the world. I am a good person, but I am so horribly alone. I keep myself awfully busy, but is really to distract from that emptiness and os I don't eat or drink to fill that void.
At least I got my doggo. He is always there, no matter what. Never leaves me, and is always happy to see me.
