I just want to say that my hair is falling out... literally in the last 8 weeks by the handful. My hair is so thin on top you can notice in pictures now.
I'm not sure what to do.
I mean I am somewhat sad but I'm no longer at that stage where I'm wired all day and night. Overall I average some good sleep. I try to make sure I'm getting protein daily. I was bad and had way more sugar over the weekend.
It’s stress KC. I had that issue for the first month the W was gone too. It’s since started growing back thank god. You relax, and take care of yourself. You have too.
To clarify - I've been dealing with thinning hair slowly over the last 20yr... it really bites! But boy in the last few weeks I'm talking clumps of hair falling out.
H texted a few more times last night - "I'm not asking you personal questions about your life or who you are sleeping with", "you are being nosey again aren't you?", "you need to stop that"
Yes - apparently I got scolded like a child.
I did NOT respond!!!!! But, for the record I have not snooped... NOT ONE BIT. All the info I know and have is what I had prior to kicking him out and changing the locks. For goodness sake I specifically brought up the obituary and he said he was the BOYFRIEND... What, you have a wife!!!! That is WHY I changed the locks... can he not remember this stuff??? Either way, I haven't bothered one bit. After that there was nothing I needed to know. Yes, I wanted to know if she was living with him - NOPE. Yes, I wanted to know if he was in love with her.... But, I haven't bothered to waste my time like that.
Anyway, I'm off to get my first post-covid haircut and coloring !!!! Go Me!
I have tons of errands to do today. So much that I had to make a list. I will be busy. And, I will not be bothered.
I want you to know that we all love and care about you and we aren't giving you 2X4's just because we can do it. We ae very concerned about your physical health, mental health and all around well being. Separating and dealing with a spouse that walks away is not an easy walk in the park. It's a marathon, not a sprint to get to the other side.
I'm glad you didn't take his bait and respond back to him. He's got a lot of guilt going on and right now, he's projecting on to you what he may very well be doing to you.....snooping! They love to turn the tables and gaslight us. He can't come up with a reasonable justification for walking away from you and the marriage, so he's trying to goad you into responding to all of his crazy making texts to say "see, this is why I left her". They try many things, i.e., if they can't get you to take the bait one way, they will attempt another. They can't own up to their own behavior for a very long time, if ever. The best way to handle someone who does this kind of stuff and just not to respond. Silence is golden in instances such as these. I hope you can keep up the silence for a while...you need some peace and quiet...your stress level is extremely high.
Hang in there. We may come across as "tough", but we all know what you are going through because we have been there too.
Take care and try to enjoy your day.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I want you to know that we all love and care about you and we aren't giving you 2X4's just because we can do it. We ae very concerned about your physical health, mental health and all around well being. Separating and dealing with a spouse that walks away is not an easy walk in the park. It's a marathon, not a sprint to get to the other side.
I'm glad you didn't take his bait and respond back to him. He's got a lot of guilt going on and right now, he's projecting on to you what he may very well be doing to you.....snooping! They love to turn the tables and gaslight us. He can't come up with a reasonable justification for walking away from you and the marriage, so he's trying to goad you into responding to all of his crazy making texts to say "see, this is why I left her". They try many things, i.e., if they can't get you to take the bait one way, they will attempt another. They can't own up to their own behavior for a very long time, if ever. The best way to handle someone who does this kind of stuff and just not to respond. Silence is golden in instances such as these. I hope you can keep up the silence for a while...you need some peace and quiet...your stress level is extremely high.
Hang in there. We may come across as "tough", but we all know what you are going through because we have been there too.
Take care and try to enjoy your day.
So true! WAS usually blame the LBS for things they themselves are guilty of. Expect a flurry of texts once he realizes you blocked him on FB!!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I just want to say that my hair is falling out... literally in the last 8 weeks by the handful. My hair is so thin on top you can notice in pictures now.
I'm not sure what to do.
I mean I am somewhat sad but I'm no longer at that stage where I'm wired all day and night. Overall I average some good sleep. I try to make sure I'm getting protein daily. I was bad and had way more sugar over the weekend.
Hey KC,
de-stress your life. You have to. Start telling yourself how happy you are that you cooked X meal from scratch. Or how you accomplished XYZ at work. Or how you walked 5 miles for your workout. Set goals, make progress, keep track and be happy in all that you day. I know this can help.
It may be a medical thing too, have you spoken to a Dr?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Overall my stress level is WAY down from what it was weeks ago. I don't feel stressed out.
Sure I get gut wrenching moments - when my work shift is over and I'm not coming home to him and our routine. But they don't last forever.
I've got a lot of other things to focus on and I need to start making them a priority.
ovrrnbw - I have not spoken to my Dr about it. That's probably a good idea. I recently had full labs down - all normal. Surely soon I can get an actual Dr visit and not a phone call.
I can't wait until they open the borders.... my male bff will take me sailing... I really need that right now.
I just wanted to say that I get the impression that you have a big heart. And you are clearly a loyal and faithful person, those are all such rare qualities in this day and age. Be true to yourself. But please, please, please cut H out of your life and focus on you. He's tearing you apart. Whatever small bits of recovery you have are quickly derailed by one text or phone call. It's not that he's trying to make you miserable, I really don't think he is. He's just trying to keep the peace. But every call or text is a ray of hope for you, one that you desperately grab onto and cling to and try to dissect and interpret to mean something meaningful when in fact they mean nothing at all. So let's change direction here. Let's here more about YOU, your thoughts and hopes and dreams WITHOUT H in your life. Where you are going, what you are doing, how you are making it happen. You have done that now and then but you quickly slip back into obsessing over him. THAT is why your hair is falling out! You are stressing yourself into an early grave!
This place is for journaling all of those things that you can't talk about IRL. But it's a double-edged sword, sometimes just talking about it is damaging to the LBS rather than cathartic. I think that is the case with you. So maybe you should quit talking about H, even here. Maybe stick to a weekly update on H on Monday, and the rest of the week just post about you. Worth a try.
KC, have you ever considered a daily green smoothie? My finger and toe nails grow so fast! I believe it is a direct result of the nutrients in my daily smoothie. Can't speak to hair. I gave up the hair loss battle a long time ago and started shaving my head!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks for the suggestion. Another person told me to write any text I want to say to him in a note program on my phone rather than actually do it.
I did do that this am... rather than fall for his You're being nosey again aren't you?.... I just texted in my note app how I dont need him treating me like a child. So then I didnt need to actually respond. I'm going to continue to try that and just see how it goes. Does it help and I dont actually text him? Or does it keep me stuck? I'll give it a couple of weeks.
I think you are right. I think he is just trying to be a decent guy... at least what he thinks is a decent guy.
I get it.... I have to truly let him go if there is ever to be a chance that things may be different. I have spending more time focusing on myself. I have started to let ideas of my future on my own. Right now the plan is that once our respective children are out of college... my male buff and me will sail the seas!!!
So I've got a lot to learn about sailing and living on a boat.
KC, have you ever considered a daily green smoothie? My finger and toe nails grow so fast! I believe it is a direct result of the nutrients in my daily smoothie. Can't speak to hair. I gave up the hair loss battle a long time ago and started shaving my head!
What's in your smoothie... not a huge fan of green things.. lol.
I think I will start taking some Biotin. I had a full hysterectomy years ago and 1yr ago stopped taking my hor.one replacement. Not sure that was a good idea but now that I'm off I would t go back.
I think that was part of my issues in pulling away and not feeling good about myself. But with the AD and exercise (not to mention the swift kick in the pants that comes with BD) I'm getting back. I feel I will be off the ADs I. 2 to 3 more months.
1 cup of spinach or kale (smashed down so it is probably more like 2 or 3 cups not pushed down) 1 cup milk (whole but you can use a nut milk or low fat too) 1 cup water 1 scoop whey protein powder 1 tablespoon ground flax seed 1/2 tablespoon cocoa or cacoa (I switch back and forth. Cacao is wrong and has more nutrients but is more acidic. Cocoa is roasted and therefore less nutritious but is also is alkalized) 1/4 teaspoon shilajit (this is probably not necessary, but studies have shown this to have lots of potential benefits on blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol and testosterone production in men) 1 tablespoon pumpkin puree 1/2 cup low sugar fruit (I prefer berries)
Drop it all into the blender (I prefer a Vitamix!) and blend until smooth.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
