KC, my posting of yesterday is worth repeating again today:
What is it going to take to get you to step off the merry-go-round of contact/no contact/contact/no contact? The more contact you have w/him the more you question why he says or does the things he's doing. You took his bait this time because you were silent, he then accused you of snooping. I would have ignored the text and let him think whatever he wanted to think. He will not miss you until you've dropped the rope and let him go. Right now, he's thinking that you are going to be right where he wants you at all times. You were FIRED as his wife!!! You do not need to be his mother and yes, he can take care of the pup on his own. Right now, the pup is going to be used as an excuse to contact you....unless it is an absolute emergency, and I do mean an emergency...stop the contact!
Here's what I would post to him the next time he texts you "h, you have moved on w/your life and I've accepted that. In order for me to heal and move on with my life, I am asking that you refrain from contacting me unless it is an emergency."
You have to be the one to take that leap of faith and be strong here. Stop the contact, live your life as if he may never return and above all else....keep that focus on you and your son. This man has entirely too much space in your head and it's time to step off that merry-go-round.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
KC, my posting of yesterday is worth repeating again today:
What is it going to take to get you to step off the merry-go-round of contact/no contact/contact/no contact? The more contact you have w/him the more you question why he says or does the things he's doing. You took his bait this time because you were silent, he then accused you of snooping. I would have ignored the text and let him think whatever he wanted to think. He will not miss you until you've dropped the rope and let him go. Right now, he's thinking that you are going to be right where he wants you at all times. You were FIRED as his wife!!! You do not need to be his mother and yes, he can take care of the pup on his own. Right now, the pup is going to be used as an excuse to contact you....unless it is an absolute emergency, and I do mean an emergency...stop the contact!
Here's what I would post to him the next time he texts you "h, you have moved on w/your life and I've accepted that. In order for me to heal and move on with my life, I am asking that you refrain from contacting me unless it is an emergency."
You have to be the one to take that leap of faith and be strong here. Stop the contact, live your life as if he may never return and above all else....keep that focus on you and your son. This man has entirely too much space in your head and it's time to step off that merry-go-round.
job is right.
And I think blocking him on SM is a great move as well. So many LBSs get tripped up with SM. If I could get them to just delete their SM I would. It is a real evil in our society today.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Block him on SM. As Job said, tell him to please refrain from contacting you. If he really needs something, he can email you. Then set up a filter in your email system to filter his emails to a separate folder that you can look at every once in awhile when you are fortified to not let it bother you. Direct all necessary correspondence about the D through your attorney.
If he has a real emergency, he has other people to rely on. And, if he really, really needs to contact you, he will figure out how to do it. There is literally zero reason for you to need to hear from him right now.
You can do this. One day at a time.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
I love that you've received a solution to this problem--you can block him on social media AND ask him to only call or text in case of an emergency. If he doesn't respect that boundary, your next step could be to block phone contact and relegate him to e-mail. I've taken exactly these steps with my parents to good effect.
If you're ready--snip!, sinp!--the string can be cut.
Honestly - no I don't. I don't want to cut contact with my H. The man who wanted so much to marry ME. The man he is now is not the man who wanted to marry me.... I'm foolish to remain in any contact with him at this point.
It isn't good to know that he is taking all the best parts of us and giving them to her. But, that's what it is. He wants a drink recipe he knows how to use google.
I know it is not helping me in any way to stay in contact. And, it just making life easier for him.
Ok. Everyone here who have seen 100s if not 1,000s of sitches think it's best for you to go NC to save your marriage. You on the other hand think it's better to stay in contact with him. Can you at least explain why you think this is your best option? How you know better then everyone here?
If you know that you are making life easier for him, then....why in the h*ll do you continue to be there for him?
I get that you are afraid to cut that contact...but you must do it for your own mental health and well being. Like an addict, until you are ready to do this, you will continue to have contact w/him to get that attention, be it positive or negative.
You need to come to realize that he FIRED you as his wife and as long as he can use you for whatever he can get out of you, he'll continue to do so. Go cold turkey on this man. He's a grown man and if he can't figure out how to butter his bread, then that's on him...it's not your responsibility to continue to be providing advice and/or doing things for him now that he's out of the house.
He can't miss you if you are still in touch w/him. He can't miss all that you have done and continue to do for him if you continue being his "Gal Friday". Friends do not treat friends the way he's disrespected you. He'll learn to respect you when you grow a pair and say enough is enough and block him. Trust me, you feel much better not wondering if he's going to contact you today, tomorrow or the next day. Anxiety can be a killer if you aren't careful.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
