KK, I’m going to be kind of tough on you because you need a dose of reality.
You repeat the same cycle:
A day or 2 of NC, you say you have a “slip up” and you are done with breadcrumbs, then you rinse and repeat. You do know the definition of insanity is doing the same over again and expecting a different result, right?
This cycle is going to continue until YOU can break it. You can’t be sucked in anymore. You hve got to sand strong.
Else you will keep on the hamster wheel.
No one likes rejection. Rejection hurts our ego. And I can see you just wanting him not to reject you and chose you chose you! I think we have been there. But it hasn’t gotten any of us good results . And I see it time and time again on here , it’s more about the ego and the rejection wanting to get the ex back, rather than repairing the marriage. I remember dating a guy post divorce and when we broke up, all I wanted him to do was say he made a mistake. And it wasn’t even about me wanting to be with him anymore. I just wanted him to chose me so my ego can heal.
I’m new. I’ve yet to post my story, as it’s so new and painful it’s hard to write it down.
I just wanted to say kitcat I know how you are feeling. I’m crushed but I know I will survive. I’m a very strong woman and it’s who I am. I just wanted to say you’re not alone. I know it’s hard not to have contact and just wish they’d get their head out of their ass, but they haven’t (yet).....and honestly I’m not sure my dipshit H ever will. I guess it just means he’s not the person I just spent 10 plus years with. The person he is now is disgusting and pathetic. I don’t love that person. I love the person I fell in love with....and it’s not him anymore.
I have no idea If this is allowed, but I have flight benefits and I’d like to fly to meet you just to give you a no touching hug. Cuz I can. Cuz maybe I need one also. My heart breaks for you and I’m sorry (we’re) all going through this [censored]. xo
KK, I’m going to be kind of tough on you because you need a dose of reality.
You repeat the same cycle:
A day or 2 of NC, you say you have a “slip up” and you are done with breadcrumbs, then you rinse and repeat. You do know the definition of insanity is doing the same over again and expecting a different result, right?
This cycle is going to continue until YOU can break it. You can’t be sucked in anymore. You hve got to sand strong.
Else you will keep on the hamster wheel.
No one likes rejection. Rejection hurts our ego. And I can see you just wanting him not to reject you and chose you chose you! I think we have been there. But it hasn’t gotten any of us good results . And I see it time and time again on here , it’s more about the ego and the rejection wanting to get the ex back, rather than repairing the marriage. I remember dating a guy post divorce and when we broke up, all I wanted him to do was say he made a mistake. And it wasn’t even about me wanting to be with him anymore. I just wanted him to chose me so my ego can heal.
And that never ends up good either.
You need to be the one to stop this
I know its up to me to take a stand - to make this stop.
I have accepted his rejection of me.
I do want to repair my marriage. I got stuck in my own headspace not realizing the damage it did to my H. I'm taking the steps to work on myself and why I got stuck and pulled away from my H.
That's all I can do. Focus on myself and fix what I let go in me.
Whether on not he sees that - I cannot control. Whether he sees it and its all too little too late... well again I cannot control that.
I see very clearly today that he keeps me on a string... I'm cutting that string today.
He can have her. I will NOT share my H with another woman. I will not compete with another woman.
The honest answer - that I am not special enough..
KK if everyone on the board were honest they would say the same thing. If everyone thought they were special and had no fear of the future there wouldn't be a forum because no one would put up with the treatment of a WW spouse. Unfortunately many the issues that arise in the marriage are due to these deep rooted issues. Throw in the fact the brain is hard wire to fear rejection because thousands of years ago if your were rejected from the tribe your life was likely to end. It will take some time but you will realize you are worth more. You are just going to have to touch the stove many times until you realize it is hot and you will get burned.
H: Do you know the recipe for that rum drink from Costa Rica
First off 1) that was OUR special VACA - and it was all 1st class and amazing!!! 2) That was OUR special drink from OUR special night.
No way are you sharing that with that TWIT. Holy CRAP he knew that was going to sting because just last weekend I made mention that I loved that sugar cane rum from Costa Rica and it is NOT available in the states and its nearly gone.
OKAY - NOT RESPONDING.
But, that was a low blow on his part. He can google the damn thing.
I agree that is a low blow. I can tell you that it takes awhile for them to catch on. The problem is that you having him thinking you guys are buddies so he’s just going with the flow.
Yay! KC goes NC again. We're in your corner and rooting for you. I hope you processed the "snooping" and "puppy" exchanges well enough to learn how to refrain from or delay responding next time.
Originally Posted by KitCat
Holy CRAP he knew that was going to sting
Originally Posted by LH19
The problem is that you having him thinking you guys are buddies so he’s just going with the flow.
Might be time for a boundary.
Yes, his goal may not have been a "low blow". You've sent mixed signals as to whether you'll accept being friends or not--e.g., the way you keep chit-chatting with him after brief periods of NC. I get you do not want to be friends, and maintaining NC with him even if he escalates will send that message clearly.
This reminds me of an ex I chose to be buddies with. Less than two weeks after we broke up--she was my first partner!--she asked to borrow my sensual massage book to practice on a date. ::facepalm:: It was hard. I don't regret maintaining that friendship. We've been friends for twenty years now.
I just left it on the treadclimber.... all sweaty now.
I get it. I have sent mixed signals... and frankly so has he.
The worst part - just 12hrs ago he is accusing me of spying on him... now he wants a drink recipe from a vacation we took just 1 year ago TODAY... mind you.... THIS TIME LAST YEAR WE WERE IN COSTA RICA on a 25k vacation.
Now he's hooking up with a massage therapist. I guess since he can't take HER to Costa Rica he will just make her the drink.
I get it. I have sent mixed signals... and frankly so has he..
Actually KK no he hasn’t. He’s communicated to you that he doesn’t want to be married to you anymore but he would like to be able to contact you when he needs something. Nothing mixed about it.
xo