WW post D (Thanks BenB part 3)

[Mumin]

Thanks A LOT AS, Ovr and Vapo!

In fact I hope we can come to a place where we can share kids stuff. But she has a long way to go for that to happen and so do I (BD, detach, etc). So for now I will not share or share very little. We'll see how she handles it.
Mothers day is approaching where we live and it is my day with the kids. Wont do anything but prob let the kids call mom (who probably wont be home).

How's work? How's GAL? How's your personal growth?

Having a bit of a hard time getting full focus at work but handling it. They let my negotiate my bonus to be lowered and increase my pay which will enables me to buy the house or buy something else thats nice. Banks don't care about bonuses it seems (Unless you get it like every month, 10-12 months per year).
GAL is ok, was supposed to go with my brother in his van last night but he went with his GF. So I went out to dinner with a friend and then treated myself with a night at a hotel. Was really nice! Reading NGS and contemplating my childhood. Playing golf with a childhood friend tomorrow. Looking forward to it!

Been considering if I should give W a deadline on making up her mind about the house.
Like 1-2 weeks. If we are going to sell it would be good to get the process started within the next month.

[Traveler]

Mothers day is approaching where we live and it is my day with the kids. Wont do anything but prob let the kids call mom (who probably wont be home).

How to handle Mother's Day and Father's Day are very personal choices. I encourage my kids to make a card for mom, to encourage my kids to think about others, and because the holiday celebrates the parent-child relationship instead of the (ex) husband-wife relationship.

[Ginger1]

A standard divorce agreement states mom gets kids on Mother’s Day and dad gets kids on Father’s Day , no matter who’s weekend it is. Been working great for us for 12 years

[Traveler]

A standard divorce agreement states mom gets kids on Mother’s Day and dad gets kids on Father’s Day , no matter who’s weekend it is. Been working great for us for 12 years

Agreed, in my USA single parents' group, that's true for almost all parents with 50/50 splits.

Parents with 75/25 custody or more asymmetrical splits often don't have that exception. (The parent with <= 25% custody doesn't ask, and the parent with >75%+ custody doesn't remind them to.)

[Mumin]

Sounds good!

I forgot to add, last time I asked about if she has thought about the house she said:
"no, I guess I'm avoiding to think about things that are hard/tough"

[Traveler]

Sounds good!

I forgot to add, last time I asked about if she has thought about the house she said:
"no, I guess I'm avoiding to think about things that are hard/tough"

Sure, if you're legally able to, and need access to those funds, add a deadline. I set a soft deadline. My ex-wife paid rent on the family home, which automatically increased above market rate after six months. If I recall correctly, we sold after nine months, which worked out just fine for me.

[Mumin]

Journaling

OK, didn't put a deadline (yet) but will definitely need to.
She's avoiding things SO MUCH and now she is trying to be cheerful, nice, beautiful etc around me.
Makes detachment and focus on me harder, and sort of pisses me off.
You think we're friends now???

Not sure I will ever want to be her friend.
Will be considering if my "NC" is forever (apart from kids stuff of course).


Also my brother has apparently been talking abit to SIL (they actually used to date(weird I know)).
Apparently SIL is not talking that much to her sister (my W) and she is afraid W will regret everything.

[LH19]

She's avoiding things SO MUCH and now she is trying to be cheerful, nice, beautiful etc around me.
Makes detachment and focus on me harder, and sort of pisses me off..

Would it be better if she was spewing at you and calling you all kinds of names?

You think we're friends now??? .

That's up to you.

Not sure I will ever want to be her friend.
Will be considering if my "NC" is forever (apart from kids stuff of course)..

Why borrow tomorrow's problems today?

Also my brother has apparently been talking abit to SIL (they actually used to date(weird I know))..

Dude your sitch gets weirder and weirder

Apparently SIL is not talking that much to her sister (my W) and she is afraid W will regret everything.

Maybe maybe not. I bet it is more likely you regret trying to hold on so tight.

[Mumin]

Thank you LH!
Let go, let go, let go!

Mostly journaling and letting off some steam. Some days I am much better at detaching but living together part-time sometimes make sit really hard.
I feel like I want to move on but she (who pushed everything initially) is now getting comfortable.

Dude your sitch gets weirder and weirder

Oh she owes me a grand again...
Had to install a new heat-pump and I basically paid on sight.

[Mumin]

One of W's best friends from college, who also sang at our wedding reached out.
She says she can't get a hold of W and is wondering how she is?
W has been avoiding everything and almost everyone from "our" part of her life for the past 6 months.
The friend and her husband recently had a child, and now she can't he t a hold of one of her better friends...
I feel sorry for the friend and get angry at W.

One side of me wants to tell her everything and say how bad W has been acting. But that would be controlling and going behind her back.
Guess I will answer something like.
Hi friend
"Me and W are partly separated since 4 months back.
So things aren't great but we are getting by.
How are you three doing? Would love to meet you guys and the baby!
Will tell W you reached out. "