He makes up these reasons to contact you KK because he wants you back. Is that what you want to hear when you ask why he does these things with ???????????.
Looks like puppy is your connection and you will be on this roller coaster until you decide to get off. Every time you get on for a ride the clock goes back to zero and you start over.
We can lead a horse to water but we can't make him drink it.
If you want to reconcile, you're in a waiting game, and the only course of action that leads to reconciliation, IMO, is emotional distance and not actively trying to fix *anything* between you because that ship has sailed.
Do you know when you are 100% most likely to reconcile effectively?
When you no longer care if you do or not.
That's the honest and sad truth. Reconciliation requires a level playing field, an even starting line. BOTH of you need to be willing to walk and to believe the other one will leave. That makes you something worth having.
KC, I wish I could sentence you to taking LH's post, chiseling it into stone, and then hanging it around your neck.
As I told you last week, you are caught in the cycle of: saying you are going NC, breaking the rules of NC, excusing and rationalizing away why you broke the rules of NC, and then realizing you are no further along in your sitch (because as LH says the clock resets), and then going back to the saying you are going NC.
He is a pet owner. 99.9999999999999999999999% of pet owners can manage pet ownership without a direct line to a vet or vet technician. Either he is a complete imbecile that cannot raise a puppy into adulthood without hand-holding, or he will be like the 99.9999999999999999% of pet owners and figure it out.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I know... I realized the minute I responded to his text and then he turned completely 180 and made it about the puppy that I fell for his trap.
I did great at ignoring him for 36hr... but being accused of spying when I did no such thing stung...
I'm so burnt out. I'm exhausted from feeling stupid for falling for his text this morning.
As for the puppy its not that he is an imbecile... its just it was our puppy... and for 3 months my sole responsibility. The video got me... right through the heart.
But, that's on me. I accept 100% of this and I have forgiven myself. And, I know that he is keeping me on a string. It is so very clear -- first he accuses me of something and then goes all soft about the puppy/our puppy.
WHATEVER.
I have a pair of really expensive and very sharp scissors and I'm cutting the string.
KC, Do you want to be his friend? Sincerely asking if you are happy just being his friend and nothing else?
Are you scared if you stop responding he’ll forget about you? Are you afraid if you ignore him or go full NC he’ll oblige and you won’t ever hear from him again?
What exactly are you 100% afraid of?
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
KC, Do you want to be his friend? Sincerely asking if you are happy just being his friend and nothing else?
Are you scared if you stop responding he’ll forget about you? Are you afraid if you ignore him or go full NC he’ll oblige and you won’t ever hear from him again?
What exactly are you 100% afraid of?
What am I afraid of?
The honest answer - that I am not special enough. That despite my lolling into some controlling behaviors over the years that there is no specialness that outshines that. I used to to love to tell OUR story. We had such a funny first date story - it was so special and even then I didn't think I'd ever want to date him a second time... but he pursued. It wasn't even anything I was looking for, yet there it was. So the story of 'us' at least my version is so special and sweet.
I honestly never thought he felt I was some goddess to him... not until the day he said he wanted to end it.
So I've honestly laid out my fear. I don't want to be judged for it.
No I will not be happy just being his friend. I'm kicking myself for what I fell for today. This weekend really pushed me on down the line to detachment. There is nothing there for me now. I certainly don't want to hear about how much he loves the OW or what their plans are.
How you're feeling is very common in human behavior. It goes back to your childhood where at some point you were made to feel that you weren't enough. This came to play in your relationship with your H which caused you to try to control him which probably was main contributor to the downfall of your marriage. It's sort of like a self-fulfilling prophecy. This in turn feeds your ego telling it "see you were right you are not enough". The ego always wants to be right.
This again is just another reason to look into IC to get to the root of the cause of the feeling. Certainly you are enough and are wonderful human being. You just have to convince your ego of it so you don't self sabotage the next relationship.
How you're feeling is very common in human behavior. It goes back to your childhood where at some point you were made to feel that you weren't enough. This came to play in your relationship with your H which caused you to try to control him which probably was main contributor to the downfall of your marriage. It's sort of like a self-fulfilling prophecy. This in turn feeds your ego telling it "see you were right you are not enough". The ego always wants to be right.
This again is just another reason to look into IC to get to the root of the cause of the feeling. Certainly you are enough and are wonderful human being. You just have to convince your ego of it so you don't self sabotage the next relationship.
It has nothing to do with my childhood.
I'm dealing with being rejected. I'm dealing with being by someone's side for 10yr through some of his really crappy stuff... and being left. That can make anyone not feel good enough for a period of time.
I also get that staying in contact with him is allowing him to reject me over and over again.
There is no point in continuing to stay in contact... I have to stop responding. There is nothing for me there. Seriously... he took the time to say "SHE lives in X Town".
