Thanks KML. I’ve been taking supplements for the first time in my life. My diet stinks though. They sure do like to feed us. And it’s about all I enjoy these days.
My friends and I have tried these zoom happy hours. But we hve nothing to talk about other than COVID because there is nothing going on in our lives on lockdown. And they all want the skinny on it for me and it gets exhausting . I hope I can be of some support to these families. Every clap out we do brings me to tears.
I actually feel like my work isn’t important enough and I just want to go back to the bedside more than ever. I discharge my formerly healthy patients home on oxygen all day long.
It really is like a post-apotyptic world here . To see time square empty is eerie. I’m ready for zombies to pop out.
I guess I feel scared and alone. But I stay strong for the kid who is having her own hard time. We do lots of activities together when I get home from work because she’s been so bored. She has no brothers or sisters or anyone else here. So we tie dyed shirts when I got home, did a work out together outside in the yard, then we started the fire pit up and made some s’mores. She will be with her dad this weekend and I’m working. She’s at least been going over to her little cousins house when she’s with him.
I just want an adult hug. Preferably a man, lol. The good news is I haven’t felt desperate enough to reach back to old boyfriends . I have so my more respect for myself these days, it feels good.
And cadet, I’m rooting for our hero nurse! I know she’s going to kick it in the arse!!!! And I know it must be hard not to be with her. I love the love you guys have
Hey Ginger, hang in there. Virtual hugs for you and thank you for all that you do. Times are tough, hopefully we will all come out of this being better people.
Hello all. I haven't had the will to update, but I think I need to to write some things out. I also don't have a very exciting life over here. I go to work, I come home. Repeat.
I am suffering from a bout of depression, but I think I am beginning to dip my way out. There is nothing like a pandemic to highlight your current situation. I will begin by being so happy to have a job, let alone 2 of them. It's the only place I am not isolated. I am so glad for the income, of course. Especially since one of D12's new favorite pastimes is online shopping, lol. But seriously, people can only spend time with their immediate families around here. ANd i can see how much of that I don't have. It does echo how empty your house can be. But in that same breath, D and i are even closer than ever, we do alot togehter. She's gone on a fitness journey and we work out to these videos she likes. We play games, we do some crafts, we play in the yard, we do a whole lot togehter. She's even been wanting to sleep in my bed lately, and honestly, I love it. I feel loved and safe having her and the pup in my bed. I really hate now more than ever when she goes to her dad's. But I am happy there they are having some time together with family. SHe gets to see her grandmother and cousins again. SHe needs it. She misses her friends her awfully. My heart aches for her. Her 8th grade year is next. The only sport she has ever done and loves is cheerleading which is a big deal for 8th grade year may not happen. August starts practice and it is not a socially distancing sport, and neither is football who they cheer for. I get so sad thinking about it.
On ex news: my D had found a letter at the ex's house I had written to him during my pathetic letter writing days going though the divorce. APparently is was from pictures I had given him. I don't think he knew the letter was in that envelope when he gave it to D. Well, apparrently that letter had eluded to the affair, and my daughter is incredibly smart, and she knows. She tried asking me again the truth. It was before work and i told her we would talk later and luckily she never brought it up again. She knows for sure. But I know if I say it to her and she hears it out of my mouth, it will affect her R with her dad and her stepmother and I don't want that to happen. We will have the talk one day when she is older.
SO I hate this reality, but my ex is my go to guy. Let's face it, I need a man for certain things. There is heavy lifting, some repairs, etc, I just can't do. ANd I am a strong chick. SO, I take his offer on help and even ask sometimes. He did my front brakes for me, and i paid in home baked goods and steaks from costco. He offers to do other things around the house always asks if I need him to do anything. Which is hilarious because when we were married he didn't want to do sqaut for me. But I really don't want him to be my go to guy., I try to find anyway to pay him. (not anyway, lol)
As for myself, in my rabbit hole, my eating and drinking was too much. I wasn't getting drunk, I was just packing in more calories. I was packing on the pounds and it wasn't making me feel any better, so I finally took control. I was against going on a "diet" again, but I decided it's best for me. ANd i have researched on and found one that is doable for me. My exercise is a bit limited because my right foot has been having tons of pain (MRI tomorrow) but I am moving more and doing these videos with D12. ALl i felt I had to look forward to was my drinks when I got home and something good to eat. ANd it was kind of true. But I wasn't even looking forward to it anymore. I kind of stopped caring about what I looked like or how I felt anymore. Luckily, I am caring a bit again
The big 40 is next week and if the weather permits, D and i will go to my dad's and enjoy the beach, Cross your fingers on the weather! and in good COVID news, the numbers have dropped significantly in my hospital. Which doesn;t mean we can act the fool now. ANd if one more person says wearing a facemask violates their rights, I am going to throat punch them. One simple thing to help reopen and keep others healthy, and this entitled whiny society can't deal with that. Then they can come to my unit and go sit with the patient's who have COVID. It's the law to wear clothes, right? Is that a violation of rights too? Ok, I won't get started. I just hope americans who want things to reopen so badly can be wise about it. Go out and wear a facemask, wash your hands, and stay home if you are sick. Not too much of a violation, is it?
Well back to my monday of waiting for the sun to come out. If you made it this far, thanks for listening
(waves to the moderators who would censor other words )
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
D17 who is the happiest person I know says the highlight of her day is watching tv with me while having a really great snack. Our lives are pretty crappy right now and yet she's happy about ice cream. I want to be her when I grow up. lol Hang in there Ginger. Times are tough and I agree with wooba hopefully we all come out of this better people.
Thanks. I ve been really trying to make joy in the little things. My D is pretty good at it too.
I’m struggling with something so weird. My ex’s extreme helpfulness. He offers to do so much for me. I don’t even ask. Maybe it’s because he’s not working ? He’s really gotten into gardening and I’ve been trying to learn about it. I found this corner of my lawn that makes the perfect garden area. He encouraged me to dig it all out on Monday, lay the top soil, ect. He guided me via pictures along the way and now I have a great area prepped for the garden and I can plant the seedlings people gave me. Including hmm. When it plants one, he gives one to me. I needed more topsoil but the bags are huge and heavy. He offered to get it for me when it went to Home Depot the next day. I didn’t want to take his offer so I went to the store and got the last bag. The next day he calls me says he went to Home Depot and found the tomatoes D12 likes and wanted to come plant them in my garden. So he did. I was work. He laid another bag of topsoil he had, planted the plants, cleaned up the trash I had there and put all my tools I had left out away in the shed.
What the heck?!! I thanked him, and I am going to go to Costco today and get those steaks he wanted . But I feel like this is going to come back and buy me somehow. In our marriage , he expected something for anything nice he ever did and held it over my head. But he hasn’t been that way yet. I pay him in food items or help with the medical stuff in the family, etc.
Maybe we just do have a good R and are helpful to the parents of our kid? I do kind of wonder how his wife feels about this. No clue. D12 wanted to build a she-shed and said “ dad could help us build a she-shed and we can do it all together. She was convinced he would. He said no, of course. And I didn’t want that happening. And I have no desire to build a shed, lol.
But I did build a cute garden. It’s been hot over here and all the son goes into D13’s side of the house so her room is hot. Last year M put in my air conditioners and my dad took them out. But I don’t have either of their help and I just didn’t want to ask ex for anything else. So , I went down to the basement, carried up the very heavy air conditioner and managed to get it in the window without it falling out. Proud.
This weekend is 2 days off in a row which I hadn’t had in a while. I plan on doing much more lawn work. It needs a lot of help and I’m getting there. It’ll take a while, but at least it’s a good hobby alone
In our marriage , he expected something for anything nice he ever did and held it over my head. But he hasn’t been that way yet.
One thing we all learn here is that most people don't change. Those who do change struggle with that change.
Let's paint a picture shall we? This is completely made up in my head and may have no reflection in reality.
Let's assume that he's gotten a bit bored in his marriage and his wandering eye is wandering. Not to say any other parts have gone a-wandering but the eyes have. I vaguely remember you posting a while ago about him hitting on a friend of your's. If he's out of work and practicing at least some self-isolation then the number of women out there for him to flirt with, do things for, groom as his next inamorata etc is quite limited and you are a known quantity.
And I could also understand on how doing things for women to whom he's not "obliged" to assist and who are appreciative in any fashion just plain makes him feel good.
As a side story, for many years there was an older single lady who lived next door. My ex would be frustrated because I'd often be helping her with things. Shoveling snow off her roof, cutting her grass (when I did mine), clearing her walk etc. Things that a heavy, older single woman would struggle with doing on her own. In return we'd sit over a glass of whiskey (she had no concept of portion sizes) and chat or she would make me deviled eggs (my wife hated the smell of boiled eggs so never made any). My wife was certainly jealous of this and would get annoyed even though I did lots at home and for her for which I was pretty much never thanked.
Now - I was obviously not hitting on this neighbour but still it did create jealousy. And since your ex is married to an OW who undoubtedly is constantly being compared to her predecessor and who knows that her husband is capable of having an affair is undoubtedly quite concerned.
Good job on having a garden though! And help is welcome as long as you can see where the strings are tied off to. Just don't let your ex plant a bunch of things that are going to be more work than you want. Also - start reading up on things to make with tomatoes - from personal experience, they all seem to get ripe in the same 15 minutes
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Let's paint a picture shall we? This is completely made up in my head and may have no reflection in reality.
Let's assume that he's gotten a bit bored in his marriage and his wandering eye is wandering. Not to say any other parts have gone a-wandering but the eyes have. I vaguely remember you posting a while ago about him hitting on a friend of your's. If he's out of work and practicing at least some self-isolation then the number of women out there for him to flirt with, do things for, groom as his next inamorata etc is quite limited and you are a known quantity.
What's the point of this conjecture? How does this help Ginger?
It helps her by confirming that she needs not to get sucked in by him.
Yes, take all the help you can get - he owes you that much. But be cognizant that he's also probably trying to to fulfill some need for "OW" type contact. You're smart enugh not to get sucked into that, but just use him for whatever help you need. We KNOW he hasn't had a personality transplant. The sheen has probavly just worn off his relationship with his wife.
)