Limbo over, now separated but in lockdown (part 3)

[dillydaf]

That's a definite plan B check. If it's him asking permission for him to look elsewhere then what the ? It might even be both, keeping his options as open as possible. Checking you're still attached PLUS giving himself an excuse to look elsewhere! Yuck.
I think I would give a light flirty response, like 'lol, I can't help being a sex goddess' or maybe something a bit more toned down. Don't say anything about his end of it, but don't answer straight either.
Well, that's what I might consider doing, not sure if it's correct but no one thing we do here makes that big of a difference does it?

[Pommy99]

Ok thanks all, so I havent replied in 3 hrs. Why do they do this? I'm moving forward as best I can then they try and drag you back again and all the emotions resurface. All I know is that I got my fingers REALLY burnt 4 weeks ago and I am not about to make myself available or tell him that I'm still holding out for him. Right now, I dont even know what I want - but it is nonetheless unsettling to have him play those games again.

And since his massive u-turn, he's made it clear about what he's looking for, to quote him "I want someone who is fun and confident", so yes, he is looking - he may not have got beyond his own mind, but in his mind, he knows that he is looking for someone else.

When he came round 4 weeks ago, before he announced he wanted to come back, his initial questions were to find out if I had moved on. So , I feel like it's a repeat of 4 weeks ago - same question "have I moved on".

[Sage4]

I wouldn’t answer that text. Move right along and pretend he never sent it. It is all temp checking and he doesn’t deserve to know details about your life if he is not willing to do the same. Three days from now you will be happy you didn’t engage with him on this issue!

[Pommy99]

Asking "Are you f-ing serious right now?" is my gut instinct and probably why I'm still very much in limbo...lol.

This is the kind of response going through my mind, along with "moved on from what? You walking out on me? You telling me I'm not enough for you? You bailing on your M?" . There's no way I would say any of that though - I dont even feel like getting that emotional over it and showing him a reaction as also going through my mind is go away and leave me alone,

I know I have momentarily hopped on the roller coaster today but seem to have stopped the ride and hopped off again!

[wooba]

I’m so with wayfarer on this. Lol. But if I were you I’d ignoring the text. If he asks again in person you can just shrug you shoulders and be vague about it. He does not deserve an answer.

[Pommy99]

Oh my... two more texts

H: why haven’t you answered me?
H: are you taking things further with the xxx guy?

[KitCat]

Bahahahaha....

Let his imagination RUN WILD!!!!

[Sage4]

I know that this isn’t good DBing or detaching, but every time H does something like your H is doing, I see it as more of a temp check for ME to him. If he truly didn’t care, was truly over your R, all of that, he wouldn’t give two seconds to thinking about what you are doing with your time or whether you were with another man. And he certainly wouldn’t follow up with additional texts when you don’t answer.
Now that I have said the above, try to detach from him again and keep up your NC— you’ve been so good at that this week!

[Pommy99]

H and I had a video call earlier with D14’s IC. He called me straight after to discuss D14. I knew it would then lead to the OM question. And sure enough it did.

I avoided answering the Q every time he steered the conversation around to me having having moved on. Essentially me saying you left me, I need to rebuild my life. He then says that he hadn’t closed the door on us. He was seeing a therapist to try and work through his issues, had I now closed the door on any reconciliation? I somehow avoided that question as well. He says when he saw me this week (in the dress) he felt things he had not felt for a few years, he saw the old me and he liked what he saw. Maybe I should have validated at that point but instead I said you told me this 4 weeks ago, that you wanted to come back and then turned away again. He disagreed and said no, he hadn’t felt those things back then. (Bare in mind it’s only been 48 hrs since I went round in the dress and all of a sudden he’s realised he has feelings for me!)

He said if I’d moved on then that was fine, it was all his own doing. Again I didn’t respond.

I didn’t ask a single question about what he wanted, or if he wanted to talk. I just wanted to get off the call. I neither confirmed nor denied that I have anything going on with another man. I ended it on a pleasant note though.

I don’t feel like I have to do anything right now. Am I right in thinking he needs to do the work now? How should I act towards him? Do I just sit back and keep with the NC? What script should I be following?

[KitCat]

I don't really know what to tell you in moving forward but I think you handled it AMAZINGLY!!!

Hats off to Pommy!