WW post D (Thanks BenB part 3)

[Ginger1]

Wasn’t it you who recently found butt plugs in your trash??

[Mumin]

Thanks LH and Ginger! Have ignored and will take my mind of W for the remainder of the weekend (with kids:)).
Found the Zeus thread and will def read it all. Great tip LH!
I am definitely considering BPD. Highly increased sex drive (see below) can be one of the "symptoms" of Mania.
If it is BPD she is going through depression now, with lots of sadness.

Wasn’t it you who recently found butt plugs in your trash??

Yup, that was me.
Sometimes use that to "wake myself up" but it mostly brings anger (vs true DB).

[MrBrside]

Just run,

Run and run some more..

Do you really need this &^&S in your life..

Take a piece of paper and draw a big Y on it... You are at the bottom of the Y.. At the top of left point of the Y write a list of what you could be doing with your life if you moved on, and at the top of the right point write a list of all the crap your are suffering now / have been dealing with.

Start at the bottom of the Y and then decide which path is more appealing for your future.. Considering you all have written here and the state of your WW, do you really believe the right hand list will change in the future, if ever...Is this really the path you want to follow ?

[Mumin]

Than you MrB! Did a similar exercise with my IC a few months back. Definitely getting out of this R with a WW but who knows what the future will bring.
Again thanks for the Zeus thread! It helps me get perspective.

W was back sleeping in the cabin las tnight, probably will be tonight aswell.
Changed her profile on Instagram AGAIN. Posted some strang pictures. Mania back maybe?

Anyway had a really awesome weekend with the kdis and my brother! Keep working out but got some pain in my lower back after working on the lawn this weekend.

I will bring up the house again tonight. Any thoughts?

Also in regards to instagram, it often gets my head and emotions spinning.
She mostly uses "story" (which I also do) so she can see if I haveseen it or not. I know she keeps a track of who is watching since she showed me that feature and I am pretty sure it gives her a kick/thrill.
I always avoid watching it immediatley but typically have a look after a few hours...
Been considering blocking/hiding her activity. She will probably notice this.
What are your thoughts?

[Mumin]

Sorry for a quick and in-part badly written post. At work (18:30) and real busy!
Same sort of question though about pictures/vidoes shes been sending of the kids when she has them and I am away for some reason.
Typically I view them and dont anwer at all or something like "they're the best!"

[AnotherStander]

Mumin, the IG thing is purely your choice. If it makes you spin every time she posts something then "mute" her account. You can mute posts or stories or both. If they are muted then you will not see them unless you specifically go to her account. She will not know that you muted her, as opposed to blocking her which she will know. Your marriage isn't going to survive or fail based on stuff like this, it's not significant. We typically say to avoid contact but that's to help you move on more than anything.

Same sort of question though about pictures/vidoes shes been sending of the kids when she has them and I am away for some reason.
Typically I view them and dont answer at all or something like "they're the best!"

I think that's fine. She's probably just doing it to help you adjust to not having the kids all the time, which is actually pretty kind of her. You might reciprocate when you have the kids.

[Mumin]

Thanks AS! You're right I am making to big of a deal of Instagram.
Eventually though I will definitely Mute or Unfollow her.

With regards to sharing kids stuff I am not sure I want that tbh.
IT will depend on how I view her and her parenting.
If she continues to be very Wayward and cold towards me as well as not the best parent I think I will stay NC forever.
Only communication will be absolutley necessary around kids, and that will be less and less over the years.
Time will tell.

We had brief convo tonight.
She made sure to tell me she met up with that girlfriend I mentioned earlier.
Whats interesting though is I think she did it to show she wasnt spending time with OM.
Dont really understand why and wont analyze it further.

I asked her if she had thought more about the house (For those who may not have followed, few weeks back she wanted me to "buy her out" asap and now she seems to have changed her mind.)
She looked abit shocked and said:
No. I dont think about things when they are heavy/tough (not sure what best transalation is).
I said, Thats a good strategy. She laughed.
Basically ended by saying she needs to think about it so we get clarity for the kids and for eachother.

ATM she is in the cabin.

[AnotherStander]

With regards to sharing kids stuff I am not sure I want that tbh.

That is perfectly fine too. Whatever is better for your own mental health! I distanced a lot after separation and especially divorce, but it has changed over time and XW and I share a lot more kid stuff these days. That may happen with you as well, but for now do what gives you the best peace of mind.

We had brief convo tonight.
She made sure to tell me she met up with that girlfriend I mentioned earlier.
Whats interesting though is I think she did it to show she wasnt spending time with OM.
Dont really understand why and wont analyze it further.

My XW was very, very tight-lipped about OM after S and D. I wouldn't have thought they were even talking, except the kids would mention him being around or going to do something with him now and then. I really didn't care after D, we were no longer married and her life was her own. But it did seem like she went out of her way to keep him a secret.

[ovrrnbw]

Mute, unfriend, or whatever it is doesn't matter. Just be you. Be confident in you. Stop worrying about her, her friend, her cabin.

Me? I would unfriend her. It's just the internet so don't get too worried.

How's work? How's GAL? How's your personal growth?

[Vapo]

I second unfriending...