Well it was 85 degrees today and my brother opened his pool 2 weeks ago. So we went swimming. I put up pictures of everyone having fun on social media. 30 mins later I get text messaged the kids look like they’re having fun. She’s not on my friends list. I’m private and there is no mutual friends that I know of. Really freaked me out. I didn’t respond obviously. I’m gonna have to delete my account I think.
I also talked to my atty and told her I didn’t want to respond anymore because I have every time this pops up and I think I’ve made it clear this isn’t my decision but I’m done stepping in. She said that was fine now. So I’m officially at the point that there is absolutely no reason to contact her. I actually feel relieved.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
I got home from my brothers house around 9pm this evening. When I arrived I saw something I used to see everyday. Something I hadn’t seen since March 6th. My STBXW van in my driveway.
This honestly made me nervous and didn’t know what the heck was going on. I pulled into the driveway and told the kids to go immediately into the house. She got out and asked to talk. I was absolutely baffled on what to do or say. She said she was sorry for showing up, but it wasn’t fair that I wasn’t taking charge and unblocking her from the kids phones. She said she texted and called all of them around 5pm to ask about having a picnic. And than she asked if she could come in. I told her no. But I was completely speechless besides that. She was dressed up to the 9s. God she looked absolutely beautiful. Make up done, hair the way i love and a simple yet stunning sundress. She walked over to me and smiled. That smart @$$ smirk that I love. She put her forehead against mine. I don’t know why but I was frozen. Than she did exactly what I needed her to do. She asked me very quietly if I would let her talk to D15 about the evaluation.
I told her to leave immediately. I went into the house and locked the door. I didn’t look back.
I am so thrown off. I need a good nights sleep
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
It definitely was crazy. And I don’t want to give anyone the wrong impression, kind of just sharing/venting, but she absolutely got to me last night. I didn’t sleep well and I couldn’t stop dreaming of her. And I am so disappointed in myself for it. And I’m disappointed in myself that I didn’t immediately tell her to leave. I was so taken back by her looks and initial kindness....honesty for a minute I thought she was going to kiss me and I don’t think I would have stopped her.
I think I may take the kids somewhere for the weekend. That was a lot
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
You have to take it easy and show compassion for yourself. You had been together for a really long time and it’s going to be a really long time before you truly detach.
I don’t feel like I accomplished anything. Actually quite depressed today.
This morning I checked the automated system for her car payment. (And it’s still in both of our names). Anyway I’m being a tad paranoid because under writing for the house has been going on for now 16 days. So I guess since I didn’t just pay it the first time I checked at the beginning I must have waited til she was out of her grace period, because she now had a small late fee. Well I went ahead and paid the late fee because it still said May 1st as a due date. She must have gotten an email about it or something because i got a text that was just rude.
W: It was already freaking set up. Would you stop. It’s not freaking late. It’s within the damn 30 days.
Seriously got that about 5 mins after I paid it.
I didn’t respond but I seriously wanted too. I wanted to respond with the middle finger emoji. It’s like she doesn’t get it. If you have a late payment it’s gonna hose me out of the house and it’s gonna cost her the ability to get her own place. (If she actually doesn’t have one).
Idk. I feel like I’m 37 it’s in my name too, I don’t need your permission to pay the bill. Funny how she doesn’t seem to want to pay the mortgage or the car insurance or any other bill. Nope that’s all me. But apparently the van is sacred ground. Smh.
I’m just tired. Oh so very tired of the manipulation and so very tired of the hot and cold. The back and forth. The kindness and then the hate. And it’s a daily change almost. I think I’m gonna end up having to be like the kids and block her myself. I’m actually starting to wonder if she’s trying to drive me crazy. But there isn’t really anything to talk about. I’ve figured out how to pay the bills that I need too. I can afford everything without her help or child support. And there’s nothing left to discuss my lawyer can’t handle for me.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
She was dressed up to the 9s. God she looked absolutely beautiful. Make up done, hair the way i love and a simple yet stunning sundress. She walked over to me and smiled. That smart @$$ smirk that I love. She put her forehead against mine.
OMG! Men are just too easy!............or so she thought. She knew exactly what she was doing! It was the main ingredient to her plan.
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I told her to leave immediately. I went into the house and locked the door. I didn’t look back.
Good for you for not succumbing to her wicked trap.
Joseph, she is going to use every trick in the book, so just expect it. If she does anything suddenly, throw your guard up. A change in her looks, emotions, temperament, attitude, personality.......and especially her interaction with you, should be a strong warning you about to be played. Be doubled forewarned when she starts her little sexy flirtatiousness with you. It's not a spell, Joseph. Any woman is capable of doing the same thing. So, run for the hills! Run for your life!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Been a few days since I posted. Figured I’d give myself a few days to recover and relax from the her showing up at the house and leaving me feeling like an idiot for not immediately seeing what she was up too. Had some developments since I last posted.
D15 evaluation was today. I’m proud of that girl. She didn’t sleep well at all. We needed to leave at 9am. I woke her up at 835am and she was dressed ready and out the door before 9am. Not to shabby for a 15 yr old. I wasn’t in the room when she talked and she’s not ready to go thru everything again. But just from the 5 min convo I had with him i truly believe he’s going to be strongly in the she was abused category.
So the real news, yesterday at the grocery store I was with my kids getting food for the week. We saw the friend my W was supposably living with. She knew my W before me, but she was always very kind to me before and my kids called her aunt ****. (Leaving her name out for obvious reasons). Well my guard was obviously up because all I’ve heard is how this woman won’t let my W do anything without her and doesn’t want my W to ever leave. So I assumed my W was there somewhere in the store. How very very foolish of me. Anyway, she walks over to me and has a stern look on her face. She says she wants to say hello to the kids. To which S17 responds yeah well no one wants to say hi to you. Tell ******** (he doesn’t call my W Mom anymore. Just by her first name) wherever she is if she sees us to keep walking. I said S17, we are better than that. We won’t stoop to that kind of level. Her friend said your mom isn’t with me why would you think she is? And she said S17, don’t be like that, I didn’t do anything besides get my sister (they always called themselves sisters) away from an abusive situation. D15 immediately, ****, I don’t care what my mother told you, but my father never touched her. He never raised his voice and he didn’t do anything besides keep his family together while she broke his heart. My W friend says that’s not at all the story i was told. I cut in and said you’ve known me for years, why would you be concerned to let me have your address? And what have I ever done to make you think I was that type of guy. (Note, I was never actually at her house, she was always at ours and when the W did go over it was when I worked) I’m not going to do anything besides serve the W divorce papers. She gets a very puzzled look on her face and says, why would you serve her at my place? Why not at hers? I said we need to have an honest talk. I ask her if she’s willing to come to the park next door to the store and sit down with me for 30 mins. She agrees. So at the park the kids play on the baseball field. I said I don’t want to come between you and my W but let me show you what I’ve been told via text. I show her how my W has been claiming to still live with her. I show her my W says she didn’t want me to have her address. I show her how she denies she ever told anyone I hit her until very recent and admitted it was a lie. I show her how on my D8 birthday when she was at the friends house I had offered to let D8 spend the night and how the friend said no. I showed her the letters that my kids wrote about the abuse they faced. I told her about D15 evaluation. I told her everything. By the end of the conversation she actually was crying and gave me a hug and apologized profusely. She asked if she could hug the kids while crying her eyes out. They all gave her a big hug and told her it was ok.
So there’s not much she can’t tell me that I already don’t know except my W does live with the OM. Has for a while and is about 5 freaking minutes from me. She said they fight a lot and the OM is barely ever home. She says the OM parents don’t particularly like her and want the OM to go back to his W for the benefit of the children. And apparently his children beg him to come home all the time. But my W calls him the love of her life. She continues to apologize for everything and even calls her fiancé and tells him everything. He’s beyond mad at this news. She promises she going to set the record straight with everyone and let them know what my W is and what she’s done. I did tell her I don’t believe my W has always been this way, but while her mom was dying something happened. She said she doesn’t care. There’s no excuse to do that to your kids, leave them and barely try to talk to them. She tells me to go for full custody immediately (I do NOT tell her I already have done so).
She calls me today and wants to bring food over for dinner. I agree. When she arrives she comes with 4 of what I thought where close friends. You can tell they’re all nervous. I open the door and give the 1st friend a hug. She says they all know the truth. I said come on in. Let’s go eat in the back yard at the picnic table. They all wanna apologize and honestly I’ve had enough emotions for a lifetime so I said to them no apology needed I appreciate you all coming and attempting to right a wrong. We had a very pleasant dinner and great conversation. I had a really good time actually.
To be continued
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
