D14 called me at midnight to tell me H is angry (knew this was coming) and to get advice on how to handle. First the driving. He's mad because D14 wants me to teach her how to drive since historically that was his job. Problem is I have all the cars and he has this monster truck. D14 also said he's not fun. He told D14 that I go "crazy" when the kids get on a real street. D14 said I'm calmer now and thinks I can handle it.
He then moved onto D17. He's still pushing D14 to get him a video of D17. D14 texted her last night and D17 said "no". H flipped off the phone and called D17 a little beotch. She told D17 he did this via text (I don't think H grasps how close they are). D17 responded by sending a picture back of her middle finger. D14 wisely did not share this picture. H said he's going to stalk D17's social media account if she doesn't give him a video.
H then predictably took it to the next level. He's going to cut her off financially if she doesn't cooperate. Said he wouldn't get her a new phone. D14 tried to explain to him how D17 feels and that he's making it worse. D14 then talked D17 into sending him a crappy video just to placate him so she did. He's putting D14 in the middle of this and it's upsetting her. Told her neither of us can control what he does and to just do the best she can. D14 can't wait until she can move back in with me.
The bad part was having to hear about him. He told D14 that I used COVID as a way to push her away and that I don't want to have anything to do with her. This was all upsetting but I did my best to not let it get to me. D14 knows the truth and that's all that matters.
I think H has an inkling that D14 will move out when/if I get a new place and he's okay with that because he's delusional. Upstairs in his house there are 2 bedrooms, one massive and the other normal sized. His plan is S19 will move in with him and take the bigger room. D14 will move in with me but he will set up the other bedroom for her so she can stay with him overnight. S19 can drive so H will have less responsibility. He knows S19 will drive to my house many nights for dinner and then H will be free to go out.
What H doesn't realize is S19 doesn't want to live with him either. No one wants to live with him. They fear the day when the OW is introduced into the mix and until then he's never home. The kids want a stable, predictable home where they can count on being fed and clothed preferably one where there isn't a boyfriend or girlfriend in the picture.
It’s very sad to read what your kids are going through.
How are you guiding, advising them, and supporting them?
Today I feel like crying. I'm overwhelmed, sad and alone. I validated D14 on the phone last night and in person. Reassured her that I was doing everything in my power to fight for her. Have not seen D17 since the whole blackmail thing went down since they were texting while I was talking to D14 and it was midnight. I'll see her at lunch. S19 is just ready for me to move.
I believe H is upset because I served him with divorce papers.
H doesn't want to be married to me he just wants control. He's back complaining to D14 that he gives me a lot of money and that I am hoarding it. D14 said when the OW was calling multiple times H came in and physically pushed D14 away so he could take the call. He's still trying to hide her from the kids.
Oh wait there's more. D14 hadn't been out of the house in months so H took her out one day. He drove her by the home she grew up in. The one with the pool, the perfectly landscaped yard, the one she was proud to bring her friends to. Yeah that one. The one she misses. A LOT. She talks about that house all the time and he drove her there....while she lives in an ick house (by comparison) that smells like cigarette smoke and cat urine. She said it was so cruel.
If things are as bad as you say with D14 and he really is mentaLly and physically abusive, why is she still there? It sounds awful for her . I bet sharing a room at your house would be much better than the torture you describe over there.
If things are as bad as you say with D14 and he really is mentaLly and physically abusive, why is she still there? It sounds awful for her . I bet sharing a room at your house would be much better than the torture you describe over there.
That poor girl
I've tried to get her to move back in with me but she decided it would be easier on everyone if she stayed where she is at. She says she rarely sees him (she's on another floor) and before COVID she was at my house 5-6 days a week. She lives 3 minutes away so I'd pick her up on the way home from work and take her home at bedtime. It's no iideal no but she assured me she was okay. I think it's bad, worse than she says but she's 14 (almost 15) and I can't make her move.
The thing with the pushing was because H left his phone inside and the OW freaked out when she couldn't reach him. To avoid escalation he had to take her call and D14 was in the way.
I can move in September. I just need my lawyer to do what she does best and quickly.
Went home at lunch to check on D17 and she wasn't aware I already knew. She was ready to talk about it too but first kittens. We got pictures of the kittens we will be fostering. The universe knew she needed a happy today.
But back to what happened last night she said she was so angry. Says how dare he flip her off and call her a little B when he's the one who did all this. On the phone he said he wouldn't buy her unless he got a video she said "I don't give a F about the phone". Out of the 3 kids D17 is the only one who can't be bought.
