Idk what to believe part 3

[Traveler]

I’m not willing to send legal paperwork that someone can say they didn’t get it.

Then don't. You're not entitled to her address, and she's not entitled to you sending papers. A TON is going on in your life right now and I get this is hard. Here's another way the conversation could go down.

You: I'll mail you the paperwork tomorrow if you share your address.

Well... you’re probably gonna have send it to (Her brother and sisters in laws house) because (her friend where she’s supposedly is staying) isn’t ‘comfortable’ with me giving out her address.
W: or to my dads

You: Those don't work for me because I need proof you received them. Your residence would be easiest.

W: I’m not allowed to give you (her friends) address sorry.

You: Okay. I'll check with my attorney on alternatives.
OR
You: Can we meet at a public place Thu or Fri for 3min so you can sign for them?
OR
You: <Talks to attorney to explain her constraints and come up with good alternatives, including professional process servers. Mine guaranteed service within 48 hours>

[AnotherStander]

I assume you are talking about an amicable D agreement, if so then email the documents to her for her signature first, then have her mail you a hard copy for your signature and filing. If you're both in agreement on the terms then I don't think she has to legally be served, which is the only thing you would need her (work or home) address for.

[JosephS]

well she called me from a blocked number again. We talked for an hour and fifteen minutes. It was a very constructive and a pleasant conversation. For the most part anyway.

She said she was sorry for giving me a hard time about the address. I asked her if I came off demanding or controlling. She told me no, she understands I’m getting frustrated and my feelings are hurt. She actually admitted she did whatever she could to make me mad and make my life more difficult. I told her that it was true and I didn’t understand why there’s just so much hatred for me. I don’t understand why she’s gotta give me a hard time about everything. She told me it’s because it makes it easier for her to handle what she did to me. If she can make me a bad guy who was horrible than it’s easier for her. I asked her why she would do that to her kids. I didn’t say anything specific but how could she. She told me she hasn’t felt right for years. Watching her mother die from a disease she may have and in turn the kids may have. She couldn’t handle it. She put on a brave face but she was overwhelmed and dying on the inside. She said she knows she messed up. She said that’s why I left the kids with you. That’s why I don’t force anything because I’m still not ok. She told me the best thing she could have done for them was to leave that night because of the anger she had for D15 because she told me everything.

I circled back to this morning and asked her if she really isn’t allowed to give the address. She said she didn’t know she never asked. She said as long as I don’t know where she lives it’s easier to pretend I don’t exists. She can’t call me when she has a bad day because I wouldn’t know where to come get her. I asked her if she was being abused. She said no but he has yelled at her and it wasn’t something she was use too. And I said if he ever hits you....she cut me off and said that’s why I can’t tell you where I live. Because I know you’d save me. And like I said. I’m still not ok. Something is wrong with me. And I can’t be around the kids. That statement put tears in my eyes. I did ask if she lives with the OM she said no but he’s here all the time. I asked her if she really did tell everyone I hit and abused her. She said yes and she’s sorry. (First time she admitted to that). I said so they all hate me now. She said yeah they do. I asked if she was ever going to tell the truth. She admitted she wouldn’t know how to begin because she’d lose them all as friends.

We continued on about the divorce and I told her I don’t mind waiting 3 or 6 months but I don’t wanna live like her parents. (They lived in different states for the last 18 years and they no longer acted married). She agreed and said she doesn’t wanna live like that either.

We started talking about more light hearted stuff. I mentioned I took D8 to Walmart to get Ice cream cones and tea. And we looked at the movies and toys. She asked what time I was there. I said like from 3 to 4. She said I’m surprised you didn’t see the OM. I said I didn’t. She said are you sure? I said are you sure he was actually where he said he was? She actually said no, maybe he lied. She also told me the OM father wants him to get back with his W for their boys. I didn’t really say anything to that.

I also asked her if she really reported her brother to his job. She admitted she did and felt really bad about it.

She also told me I should get a girlfriend. I told her no I’m not interested in that. She asked why, I told her i am just getting out of a 16 plus year relationship and I am not interested in jumping into anything. She said her opinion was I could use the excitement. I told her I have enough excitement with the kids. I’m ok being alone.

We ended the conversation with her asking if we can be friends. The answer I had to give her was...freeing and yet incredibly difficult.

I said W, I can’t be friends with someone who did this to my kids. I can’t be friends with someone who lied about me the way you did. If you were my actual friend, you stop lying about me, tell the truth and face whatever comes of that. But you won’t. However if you are ever abused or hit I will be there. If you are ever feeling like you did yesterday I will be there. But no you can’t call me and ask me how my day was. She said she understood. And asked me to say hi to the kids.

Sorry if this was jumbled. I actually made a left hand turn where I shouldn’t have and got pulled over in the middle of the conversation. (Got off with a warning though!)

I’m once again emotional mush. And that’s ok. But I can’t stop thinking of Sandis rules right now. Believe nothing they say and only half of what they do. It was a pleasant conversation but just writing it out...seems full of manipulation.

I will admit I think she probably told the truth about her anger and the kids and there’s something not right with her. But who knows. But how can someone ask if they can be friends with you after admitting they go out of your way to make your life more difficult? After admitting there’s something wrong with them and they can’t be around the kids but we are supposed to be friends? You won’t admit to our mutual friends the horrible things you said about me was a lie, but yeah let’s be friends. No, no I don’t think so. I think she’s realizing the grass isn’t greener on the other side. But heck what do I know. I’ve been wrong about so much up to this point. Well even writing this out was exhausting.

[LH19]

J,

That’s was tough to read. She’s doesn’t respect you and likes manipulating you. I feel for you and your children.

[JosephS]

You ain’t kidding LH. Seems to be her favorite game anymore. But I have my part in it too. Nothing made me stay on the phone other than me. She may be manipulating me, but I am allowing it. And I’m finally starting to realize it. I have to make better decisions. End phone conversations when I realize it’s her. Don’t respond to texts. Move the heck on and freaking stop allowing it. It’s not all her fault. It’s mine too for continuing to allow it.

[Mumin]

J, put all your available effort into NC.
I think you really really need it. A minimum startpoint is a week.

[JosephS]

Mumin. Yeah I do man. Yes I do. I need more than a week. And I also need not put conditions on it like I did. If she gets hit that’s what the police are for. If she’s suicidal there’s hotlines and hospitals for that.

Being stuck in the freaking house is killing me too. I can’t wait move. But even that got held up by COVID. Underwriting is taking 2 weeks!

[Ginger1]

Is the disease you mention happen to be Huntington’s disease?

[JosephS]

Is the disease you mention happen to be Huntington’s disease?

Yep. It’s a freaking nightmare to watch. When I met her mother she had a full time job. By the end...I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

[JosephS]

Ginger are you in the health care field or have experience with it? I’ve never ran into anyone who’s ever heard of it. I have to describe it as a mixture of Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s. MIL had chorea too