I’m 51 and I have zero desire to date a 31 year old for more then a night lol. [/b]Instead of worrying about your age what you can’t control I would focus more on what you can like being positive and optimistic. That’s what’s attractive!
This made me laugh. To each his own but I think middle aged men dating 20-30 somethings just look silly (trigger thinking about H doing this). One of my daughters friends fathers only dates the young ones. The bottle blondes, mini skirt wearing women with stripper names. They'd fight all the time but as long as he got what he wanted he was fine with it. Those R's last 1-2 years tops then he gets a new one. Oh and they all came with babies. Fun right?
Think happy thoughts for me and D17 please. We want to foster a cat or kitten until we can move and get our pets back. I applied and just got a response. They are asking if we want to volunteer temporary or permanent. Fostering is temporary but I'm thinking it would be fun to do this permanently. D17 is writing the email back because she is way perkier than I am. lol This could be a blessing. I've always wanted to volunteer but every time I tried it was an epic fail. I enjoyed it but there was never enough work for the number of people that show up. If I wanted to just stand there I might as well stay at home.
Journal post. Last night I was contemplating what part of my childhood is responsible for my belief that I am nothing without a man.
I met my best friend in 1st grade, popular, smart and pretty. She became a cheerleader and since I wasn't cool I got dumped. I retreated to my room reading books and listening to music. My bat chit crazy father began to worry so he grounded me FROM my room. He judged me for being this loner freak. He started pushing me to socialize so to make him happy I got some new friends. Bad friends. I started drinking heavily and partying. I should mention I'm a straight A student and an intellectual but there was this high of having men's attention and the alcohol made my anxiety disappear. Now I'm smart, pretty, making good grades, have a job and I'm popular. My father was happy. I was happy.
I'm wondering if it's as simple as facing a traumatic event (losing my best friend of 10 years) combined with my fathers insistence (and apparent craziness) that I get back out there that led me to self medicating with men. And where was my mother during all this? She was there.
On the other hand kas99 - it could well just be a product of the times when we grew up. Both of my sisters jumped from one relationship to another with a "need" to have a man in their lives. Heck, when I was in my early 20s and dateless I too was desperate for a companion of the opposite sex.
And none of us had any particular trauma. My oldest sister was a moderately popular girl and my youngest sister was a "party girl". I was a nerd. But we all felt a "need" to be partnered.
That's one of the few great things to come out of my divorce. I found that, in time, I was doing very well on my own. I have chosen to invite someone in to share my life recently but because she will add to the richness of what I already have and not because I "need" her.
That's where the advice to "GAL", which I interpret as "find yourself first" comes from. As a corollary, on a plane they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first in a disaster. You need to save yourself first before you can be any use to anyone else.
Just my own thoughts from a different situation and a bit further out.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
He knows I filed for divorce, knows I know about the OW and has been nice (bought me lawn equipment). Guilt much? Jerk. It’s crap I know. For S19 I know. He brought us “real” masks as if the ones we have aren’t good enough (I shoved them in a junk drawer). Brought me the insurance bill knowing full well he’s paying for it (automatic draft). Stupid. Oh here’s your mail (pointless) and some masks (also pointless). S19 rolled his eyes. H looks sick and has aged 5 years since he left. I got a text saying his cell phone bill didn’t process (not enough funds). He has the money he just [censored] at juggling 2-3 bank accounts. This is the 5th time his bill didn’t get paid. I get the texts because he doesn’t know how to turn them off. I’d help but I don’t help people who screw me over.
He’s a terrible husband but I never thought he’d leave. I can’t wait for D14 to be with me full time.
Drunk guy shows up a Hs house. The OW keeps calling and texting. It’s not a number in his contact list. “Please tell me you’re ok”. She calls. H doesn’t have his phone on him and D14 is running up and down the stairs. D14 snaps a picture of the number and sends it to D17. She keeps calling but H is outside. I hate this.
He's not a catch. I feel like crap today and yes I post things that make me feel slightly better. She burned up his phone last night and I remember doing the same. Early on too. At first it was "please let me know you are okay" but after a year or so of this it turned into "where the eff are you?" His main priority is work/money and well that's it. He sleeps a lot, zones out in front of the tv with a tall glass of vodka, his life is very stressful, the only way I could get his attention was with sex or by buying him something but then poof he was gone again. I get upset thinking she will get a better version of him but most likely history will repeat itself.....eventually.
Crying again today and D17 is avoiding me. She’s had enough of me and I’m alone. Normally she watches tv with me but not today. I can’t get a handle on my thoughts and I have no one to talk to.
D17 is just sad it’s not me. I was crying and S19 asked what happened so I told him. S19 said “she’s just like you”. Yep that part is kinda funny. S19 says H gets a lot of calls when he’s with him that annoy him. H picks up the phone and says “can’t talk right now” and hangs up. In light of what happened last night S19 thinks it’s her. In my defense I stopped burning up Hs phone decades ago he’s just bringing up crap to justify leaving me to S19. I learned to keep my texts to a minimum and I rarely called him. H does not like to be bothered.
