Yes, I absolutely would like to keep the door open for recon if she can realize what she´s done and is truly remorseful about it. But too late to go to that burger place now and I don´t think she will ask again but we´ll see.
Well I think it was good to bail on that because you don't want to go every time she invites you somewhere. I suspect she will keep pursuing you though. When she invites you to do stuff then go now and then, and don't go now and then. This way you keep the door open without being an obvious Plan B. It'll keep her wondering what you are up to.
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She was supposed to come over and get one of her boxes but wrote to me today that she thinks she has a fever. Hoping it's not that virus but I told her she absolutely needs to stay home then.
Yeah you definitely want to err on the side of caution right now!
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An hour later she messaged again
She's pursuing. That's fine, let her! Don't always be immediately available. I think you know the routine by now
You´re right. I think I've made it clear we won't be buddies so hoping she understands that. And could be like LH said that she might want me back once I'm serious about someone else.
But on that note, something I've noticed lately is that I am less and less interested in dating. I hardly spend any time on the dating apps anymore. It's like I don't have any desire for intimacy for anyone right now. I enjoy working out, still crave good food and mostly focused on taking care of my dog. Recently started to try new recipes again, which btw is a great GAL activity for those of you in lockdown right now. I used to love trying new recipes but stopped doing that since at least half the joy is seeing others enjoying those dinners. But back at it again now and can highly recommend it.
Me: 38 Stbxw: 35 No kids Mini bd: February 6, 2019 ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019 Told her to move out: September 8, 2019 W moved out: September 28, 2019 Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
AS, What do you think when she said "Now I feel more like myself too. For months I was in a weird state of panic or sadness or just feeling like I didn't care about anything."? Is this her trying to convey that she is in a new place now and almost admitting knowing she was obviously having some deep issues at work that caused this all to begin with?
Hi Ben, been following you for a minute, just wanted to check in an see how your sitch was doing. Im just a sucker for a happy ending I guess lol. Glad to see you staying strong. Much love from L.A.
Been around since Sept 2019. Will post my sitch soon.
What do you think when she said "Now I feel more like myself too. For months I was in a weird state of panic or sadness or just feeling like I didn't care about anything."? Is this her trying to convey that she is in a new place now and almost admitting knowing she was obviously having some deep issues at work that caused this all to begin with?
It's hard to know exactly what they are thinking, because a lot of them are in a lot of confusion and turmoil even though they may not show it on the outside. When people told me that back when I was going through this mess I kept thinking "no they don't know her like I do and I see her every day, she is the Rock of Gibraltar on this!" Maybe a year after BD she told me the whole experience just tore her up inside and she cried every day about it. I was astonished, she seemed so firm and sure I just couldn't believe she really was in turmoil just like I had been told here. This is hard for most people here to accept, but while they may have known their FORMER spouse better than us, once they BD they turn into someone else, a WAS, and WE know WAS's better than their own spouses do.
Anyway back to your point, yeah I think there's an element of "I was sick, but I'm well now" to her comment. Right now she's still sending off friendzone vibes, so her intent may have been along the lines of "since I'm better we should hang out and do stuff." Waywards have to hit bottom before they might have an awakening, and I don't think she has yet. A lot of them will declare themselves "fixed" when they are still on the fall to the bottom.
Just as you all thought, W has been contacting me very often lately. As I suspected, the reasons for asking to come over often have to do with many of her things that are packed up in boxes and stored here. She needs to bring a box with her every now and then or something like that. But when she's here she knows I don't expect her to just grab it and leave immediately so she sits down for a while, maybe tells me about her day or asks me about mine.
But besides that, she frequently sends me messages about anything and everything. LH, I was wrong. I thought I was clear we wouldn't be friends but she not only continues to reach out, she's stepped it up a notch.
Yesterday she needed to come over and pick up some of her summer clothes since she was getting the keys to the new apartment today. This time I could sense a different vibe from her. Not flirty per say, but like when you can tell someone is attracted to you but too shy to do or say anything. I went it to the kitchen at one point and she came with me. The door to the balcony had been left open so it was a bit chilly. W used to freeze a lot, always felt cold, while I am always warm. Whenever she felt cold she would love to snuggle up on me and have me hold her until she's warmed up. So as she walks in she reacts to how chilly it is and for a second leans in to me, as she would back then, but is reminded that we don't have that relationship right now and stops. I noticed it immediately but got what I needed from the kitchen and we left.
This morning she messages me again around noon and asks if I want to join her for lunch at a nearby place. Now, I really mean it when I say I didn't want to be too available for her but I had just been at the gym and that place is where I was on my way to. So we met and had lunch. Afterwards I needed to grab some things from the supermarket and lo and behold, so did she and decided to join me. I got the feeling she wanted me to invite her up or join her to her place but I just gave her a hug goodbye and here I am writing an update.
Oh, and today would have been our 10 year anniversary as a couple.
Me: 38 Stbxw: 35 No kids Mini bd: February 6, 2019 ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019 Told her to move out: September 8, 2019 W moved out: September 28, 2019 Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
B, you're distancing and she's pursuing. This is kind of going beyond a temp check I think, she's putting out recon feelers. Like I said before, assuming you want a future recon(and I think you said you would) then start cracking the door open. Don't throw it open and roll the red carpet out or she'll go running again. But crack it. Be a little more available. Have a casual meal now and then. Be a little more responsive to calls and texts. But don't go overboard, sometimes be too busy for lunch, slow to reply to a text, etc. Be cautious! Good luck brother, I'm happy for you that you're getting some positive signs from her!
Also I think you're striking a great balance on your IG posts, all the posts about your restaurant adventures and walking the dog and such are perfect. I guarantee you she is checking your social media and the message you're sending is "I'm enjoying life and living it to the fullest".
We have a long way to go before I would consider being in a relationship with her again. Even if she clearly said that is what she wants, I can easily see how another BD would hit me sometime in the future. I wish I could be happy about her reaching out and wanting to be around me all the time, but I just can't take her back when she hasn't done any of the work needed for herself.
Yesterday her two friends were helping her move some things to the new apartment so W messaged and said they are coming over to take whatever boxes fit in the car. I hadn't met her friends since the wedding but was polite and small talked a bit before I helped them to get the boxes to the trunk.
This morning W messaged again and asked if she can come over to pick up tools she couldn't carry the day before. As usual she sat down and hung out a bit before doing what she was supposed to. One of the first things she mentioned was that her friends had told her later that they were shocked to see how "fresh" I looked. "They haven't seen me since the wedding so I'm not surprised" I said(I weighed about 30kg/66lbs more than I do now on my wedding day).
AS, I have blocked W from Instagram but not her family. I would be surprised if she had another account to stalk me. But that reminds me of something she mentioned about two weeks ago I forgot to write here. She said her sister had mentioned to her a while back she saw one of my Instastories. The video she saw was three pugs running in to my apartment. I just answered "Oh, I had a friend with two pugs who came over so they all could play" and that's all we said about it. But I thought about it later and wondered why they were talking about that.
Me: 38 Stbxw: 35 No kids Mini bd: February 6, 2019 ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019 Told her to move out: September 8, 2019 W moved out: September 28, 2019 Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
We have a long way to go before I would consider being in a relationship with her again. Even if she clearly said that is what she wants, I can easily see how another BD would hit me sometime in the future. I wish I could be happy about her reaching out and wanting to be around me all the time, but I just can't take her back when she hasn't done any of the work needed for herself.
You are definitely wise to be cautious.
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One of the first things she mentioned was that her friends had told her later that they were shocked to see how "fresh" I looked.
Yup. Well you are "fresh" You're in the best shape of your life, you're living your life on your terms, you're enjoying your food excursions, you're overall sending a message that you are confident and secure in who you are. It's going to be very hard for her not to be attracted to that.
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AS, I have blocked W from Instagram but not her family. I would be surprised if she had another account to stalk me.
I would lay money that she is snooping. It would be a very safe bet I think When she was wayward she probably didn't bother, but now she's getting curious. Making excuses to contact you, asking questions, hanging around you when she doesn't need to, asking you out. Yeah I am quite confident she sees everything you're posting on social media whether she's blocked or not.
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She said her sister had mentioned to her a while back she saw one of my Instastories. The video she saw was three pugs running in to my apartment
You're in the best shape of your life, you're living your life on your terms, you're enjoying your food excursions, you're overall sending a message that you are confident and secure in who you are. It's going to be very hard for her not to be attracted to that. 
When she was wayward she probably didn't bother, but now she's getting curious. Making excuses to contact you, asking questions, hanging around you when she doesn't need to, asking you out. Yeah I am quite confident she sees everything you're posting on social media whether she's blocked or not.