So your last post started out about you which is great but after that it all turned to focusing on your STBXH.
So let’s even go there to hypothetically you get the motorcycle ride. Then what? Nothing changes except you expectations increase and your focus goes where it doesn’t belong.
I know ---- I'm still wanting hope that he isn't 100% sure where he is at right now.
But you are right. He is leaving me. He is done with the M.
I know this hurts to hear but he is 100% sure he wants a divorce right now. Can they change years down the road? Absolutely! Most of it depends on his search for happiness. You are the one who has the control to say enough is enough and I definitely deserve better. Until then you will remain stuck and will exude clinginess and desperation.
I’m sorry that is the reality and is why you are suffering.
KC, you're falling back into endlessly talking about H again. When he texted you, what the text said, what documents he requested, what you said in response, etc. etc. None of that matters AT ALL. He's just sticking to business which is what you should do as well. Please understand this- if he texts you asking for a copy of a document he could print out himself it is simply him being lazy. It DOES NOT mean he wants to recon, or that he's desperate to talk to you, or that he is waiting for you to call and commit your undying love to him so the two of you can get back together. He's just being lazy, period. He is done, he has been done, and he will be done for quite some time. You have GOT to accept this and move on! Please quit hyper-focusing on him and focus on YOU. What are YOU doing with your life? What goals do YOU have? What are YOU doing to make those goals a reality? Less H, more KC. That is your path to recovery.
KC, you're falling back into endlessly talking about H again. When he texted you, what the text said, what documents he requested, what you said in response, etc. etc. None of that matters AT ALL. He's just sticking to business which is what you should do as well. Please understand this- if he texts you asking for a copy of a document he could print out himself it is simply him being lazy. It DOES NOT mean he wants to recon, or that he's desperate to talk to you, or that he is waiting for you to call and commit your undying love to him so the two of you can get back together. He's just being lazy, period. He is done, he has been done, and he will be done for quite some time. You have GOT to accept this and move on! Please quit hyper-focusing on him and focus on YOU. What are YOU doing with your life? What goals do YOU have? What are YOU doing to make those goals a reality? Less H, more KC. That is your path to recovery.
Focusing on Me -----
I keep up with exercise. Need to cut more sugar out of my diet as I had a little backslide. Local distillery had cocktail pick up hour and well there went my Saturday and Sunday.
I'm trying to do a random act of kindness daily. With the lockdown a little hard so right now its limited to picking a random person on my friends list on FB and leaving them an out of the blue sweet pick me post personalized to them.
Audio books... reading...
10 week course on saving your M when your the only spouse that wants to save the M. It really a program first focused on you... then how to communicate with your H if needed. Its got lots of videos/homework so I figured it would hammer home dealing with myself... and its 10weeks... so a good commitment on my part to stay focused on me.
I commit to my list of goals everyday.
I'm lucky and still get to go to work so less hours to sit and fidget about everything.
There was some texting between H and I on Saturday. A bit of a miscommunication on his part for which he apologized for but continued to text asking some basic questions of me about a recent meeting at work. I didn't always respond right away... neither did he and I left the convo before he did.
Sunday he returned to get more stuff from the house. I let him decide how he wanted to proceed and what he was taking. He was talkative asking more about my work. He mentioned what he was doing. I only asked questions if it pertained to what he said --- He's rewiring a barn, ME - your parents?, H - yes.
He stated that he was frustrated with the loan process for mortgage. I validated his frustration and moved on. He asked again if I had talked to atty about financial order. I said no and that I had spent all my time focusing on the affidavit he needed. He then looked down at the truck and quietly said he hopes he could leave me alone and not bother me with that again.... was I supposed to hear that? i almost couldn't and I just ignored.
We laughed as he handed me my power staple gun. He kept in his hunting stuff to hand up targets. We talked about the last time I went to use it after not having used it for years and literally power stapled my finger --- yeah that hurt!
He seemed surprised that he couldn't get more into his truck. He has at least 1 more if not 2 more trips to get it all.
He did the absolute weirded thing ever. Which I suppose is par for the course for WWH AND I know it means nothing but it left me boggled for words. So last Sunday I had already packed up his clothes in clear totes. As he was putting them in the truck he asked what the container of fruit slices was? I said I don't know it was on your half of the closet. I remember 6-9mo ago H telling me he bought some stuff from a co-worker as part of the girl scout fund raiser - there were two items never opened on his half of the closet. I figured he brought them home and put them there as he emptied his bag and completely forgot about them. I just packed them up with his stuff.
Well he comes here Sunday. I open the overhead door and the first thing he does is hand me one of the two items he bought and said "these are yours". It was a tin of mint candy ( I love mint!) I have no doubt when H bought the item many months ago he did so with me in mind. But, given everything happening now AND that I packed them up and sent with his stuff 1 week ago HE made the effort to bring them back to me??? He could have given them to his mom, his nephews, who ever he is staying with currently... it was a small tin of candy for heck's sake. He went to a lot of trouble to give me candy. WEIRD.....
I understand its just the weird things they do... it means nothing. I feel better writing it out as it boggled me and now I'm leaving it for the universe.
I really am focusing on me. I did fantastic when he was here Sunday --- I was a woman only a fool would leave.
Boy KK your H has to throw that one little thing to get you spinning. Sounds like you didn’t get that motorcycle ride so just remember these things aren’t worth your energy.
Boy KK your H has to throw that one little thing to get you spinning. Sounds like you didn’t get that motorcycle ride so just remember these things aren’t worth your energy.
Good job focusing on you! You’re making progress!
There was texting Saturday about weather and bike ride... while it was a beautiful day H thought it was still too chilly in low 50's. Weather on Sunday was same temp but no sun.
So the lack of bike ride was more due to weather ---- so who knows if it would have happened.
Yes, none of that matters. If he wanted things to be different he would make sure I knew that to be the case.
I’m hoping you didn’t text asking for the bike ride.
Well..... WE don't have to go there... YUP - face palm...
I made up for it on Sunday with acting "as if" and not letting him see me without exuding confidence and holding my head high. Didn't bring it up. He sort of did by commenting on the weather while he was at the house moving stuff out. I just glossed over it.
Frankly - while I shouldn't have been the one to bring it up. His response doesn't phase me or set me back or cause me to plead or do any other behavior to change his mind... I mean I could have said I was out and lots of bikes were on the road today... but it wasn't worth my time. In the past if it was something I really wanted I would have asked to and done things to twist him to agreeing. I let it go.
Additionally when he was at the house on Sunday and we had to pick up this 350lb item with just the two of us (I'm a petite short girl). I asked him if I could make a suggestion (180 from me not just saying let's do it like this, etc). He said sure - I stated my idea. (He didn't say it was stupid or make me feel bad - 180 for him). He then said how he thought we should do it instead. I said okay to his way and we got it into the truck with just the two of us. Its just sad how it gets to this before we start treating each other better.
I will say that in the last 10 days there has been no anger from him in a text message or call or in person. Things seem to be at an emotional neutral which is an improvement over the emotional negative - all the anger he has had with me.
Why are you so so fixated on this bike ride? Do you think this bike ride is going to change everything? That going on a bike ride with you would be the magic bullet?
