WW post D (Thanks BenB part 3)

[Mumin]

On phone.
Thanks for the post CW. Read your recent updates. Congrats!
Totally agree it was weird/stupid to not give her an inroad after she said she might want to talk.
Right now I wouldn't want to face her though. The Sex toy thing needs some time to process.
Having dinner with brother and his GF tonight.

[Mumin]

Spent last with brother and his GF, had a great time!
This morning while still in bed W called but I didnt pick up.
Like 2 hrs later she writes that if she calls it will be about the kids.
Sure doesnt want to speak to me...
Anyway, apparently the ppl at daycare want to have a sitdown with both of us and tell us what they have observed and to understand more about our plan forward.
I basically answered "thats good".

Then she wrote that apparently D5 has been not so active and spending mroe time alone at daycare and D2 has been having more mood swings.
This makes me both very sad and angry to hear. After some time talking to my brother yesterday I felt much better given the recent sex toy thing but new things keep coming up.
As mentioned post D will be a rough time...

Of course this was going to happen with the kids but I thought it would come later.
Not sure what I should say to W tonight when we meet.
Will be hard to not be angry given these 2 recent things so I will need to prepare my "stance" on things.

"It is good that the personell is taking this seriously and want to be prepared/involved. I can meet with them at X, Y Z times..."

If she asks how do you feel about this. "Its really a shame that they have to go through this. Not soemthing I ever wanted for them"

If she brings up the sex toy. "I dont want to hear any more about that. Be more discreet."

[LH19]

Yo M,

I think “this is difficult for everyone” is a better response”.

[Mumin]

Thanks LH!
More updates later. Had a phone call with my IC.
He is almost certain W i manodepressive/ bi-polar (which also her mom is).

[wooba]

Oh gosh Mumin, I read about the sex toy part and I am so sorry that you had to see that. That goes on top of the list of craziest things I've read here so far.

I hope your daughters will be okay. Kids are usually more resilient than we think they are.

Will be hard to not be angry given these 2 recent things so I will need to prepare my "stance" on things.

this sounds like you're ready to fight. If you're going in thinking that it will be hard to not be angry, most likely you will be angry. Be a gray rock. You don't need to fight, just figure out what's best for your daughters.

[Mumin]

Thanks wooba I am sitting here working and mentally preparing to be a grey rock
Will probably turn into talk on boundaries if sex toy comes up tonight.

That goes on top of the list of craziest things I've read here so far.

My IC said the same thing. "Roughest thing I have ever heard".

[Mumin]

Just spoke to W. Bit of a non DB-dialogue (except that it is a huge 180 for me to take this conflict):
Basically said this:
You have a new boyfriend.
We live in this house together. We are not yet separated. (physically)
Do you think its ok that I find remaining of sex toy order?

W - No, of course not.
Me - Also, so I am clear. It is not ok for OM to ever set his foot in this house. It is not ok for him to meet the kids before you have talked to me.
W - He would never do that. He doesn't want to meet the kids.
W - What do you want to know.
Me - I dont want to know anything. I am just making sure you know how I view things.
Me - So when did daycare want to meet us?
W - Lets write instead (messaging).
Then she went out to the cabin.

[LH19]

I don’t know M seems like you’re beating a dead horse.

What if you come home tomorrow and OM is in house with 10 sex toys?

[sandi2]

Like 2 hrs later she writes that if she calls it will be about the kids.
Sure doesnt want to speak to me...

Don't worry about it. The WW is use to controlling her nice-guy H with anger. She has trained him to walk on egg shells, in fear of making her mad.

Anyway, apparently the ppl at daycare want to have a sitdown with both of us and tell us what they have observed and to understand more about our plan forward.
I basically answered "thats good".

I would think they would have separate conferences for parents who are separated. They might not, if it hasn't been requested.

Then she wrote that apparently D5 has been not so active and spending mroe time alone at daycare and D2 has been having more mood swings.

Children that young may not understand what is going on between their parents, but even babies sense anger and other negative emotions at home.

Of course this was going to happen with the kids but I thought it would come later.
Not sure what I should say to W tonight when we meet.
Will be hard to not be angry given these 2 recent things so I will need to prepare my "stance" on things.

And......why are you meeting to talk? What's to say that couldn't be said in a text?

If she asks how do you feel about this.

She knows how you feel, so I doubt she'll ask. However, if she's that stupid, I think you should not say anything.......and just stare a long, hard look at her. Believe me, this is all game playing on her part.

[Mumin]

Short update and a question:

ZERO communication except for ONE good morning for 5 out of 4 days.
Consulted a lawyer on the asset list, will need to do some work here. Student loans etc..

Wife just wrote that SIL is coming over today... (As am FYI)
I will actually be meeting up with a friend so might not be a "problem" but she might end up sleeping over.
Not sure how to handle this... Not very keen on meeting her right now.
Should I even answer?