1 year out is not a lot. I’m 5 years BD and it really does get better. I was mad at ex for a long time. I still think he’s a pos but I have become indifferent. Our relationship was horrible. I was lonely and unhappy. I dated 2 other guys that were losers and that just made me even more unhappy. Now I’m with someone that just treats me so well and I could care less about what ex is doing.
Now I am not saying you need a partner or successful relationship to feel that way. I’m just saying you can feel that way because time does heal. And it’s normal to feel that way about someone who treated you bad. I get sick driving by my lawyers office and hearing their name or receiving an email from them. That’s because they took and advantage and abused me. Same things as our ex”s . Just accept that your still feeling that way because someone exploited you and then tell yourself “that’s because of who he is, not who you are and your better off alone then with someone capable of treating people like that”
I felt so bad about the first woman my ex got serious about. 3 years later I found out he was real sketchy with her too and left or cheated on her for a girl 10 years younger. He even twisted things to make her feel the real up was something she did - when she was just getting suspicious about him. This younger girl has no kids and is Gonna waste her child bearing years on him thinking he can commit or afford it or is a responsible dad. And now I’m just thinking how glad i am to not have to deal with him. All he is, is a life stealer and now I am not wasting any more of my life on him. I bet this is similar to your sitchbas well
It will take some time to get over the pain and hurt that your h has created. Grieving takes time and yes, those triggers sure can put the whammy to you when you least expect them to. I have seen some changes in your since you arrived over on this forum. You sound so much better, calmer and less anxious about things. You are talking more about what you and your children are doing and not as much about your work (which has its own stressors) and your h.
So, your daughter wants to learn how to bake? She should check out some recipes on the net Sewing can be so much fun. Have her start out on something simple and work up to a more complicated item. I'm excited to hear how the two of you do on the baking and sewing. Sounds like you two are a lot alike.
Stay safe and healthy.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Coincidently, as you just popped in to the Newcomers forum, I just popped in from the Newcomers forum to see how you're doing. Glad you're making progress on positivity, and your relationship with your children is still something you're proud about.
I have seen some changes in your since you arrived over on this forum. You sound so much better, calmer and less anxious about things. You are talking more about what you and your children are doing and not as much about your work (which has its own stressors) and your h.
There is an opportunity in this for me. I hate it yes but it's there. Guess you'd call it making lemonade, silver lining, whatever crap people say to feel better. Ever see the movie or read the book Pollyanna? It's like that.
Trauma caused me to choose emotionally avoidant men who subconsciously controlled me by triggering every insecurity I had which caused anxiety. Separation anxiety is bad yes but I've chosen to heal instead of rushing to fill that void with someone else. I'm sick of handing my power over to men. I'm determined to learn to love myself, to be perfectly okay on my own. I want to be internally happy....but first I must learn to move on while walking through decades of accumulated pain and at times it feels like I'm walking in tar carrying 50 pounds on my back while someone randomly hits me.
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So, your daughter wants to learn how to bake? She should check out some recipes on the net Sewing can be so much fun. Have her start out on something simple and work up to a more complicated item. I'm excited to hear how the two of you do on the baking and sewing. Sounds like you two are a lot alike.
She's the kid that before BD thought was nothing like me. She says now we are basically the same person. S19 and I are a lot alike on nerdy things. We can talk for hours about anything. My regret is not finding common ground and bonding with D14 before she moved in with H. She says she's happy with me, confides in me, tells me she loves me but I worry.
All we've made is pizza dough twice. I have plenty of bread and need milk to bake desserts. Baking for no reason doesn't appeal to either of us. Sewing is something I'm going to have to dig deep to find the energy and motivation to do. Thrift stores are closed which buys me some time. I spent this weekend finishing up my nuns bedroom motif. I'm trying to get on top of things, a routine of sorts, then dive into hobbies. Remember I'm walking through tar right now. lol
Yes, I remember the movie Pollyanna. I saw it a very long time ago and if I'm not mistaken, Haley Mills is Pollyanna.
Yes, kas, this is an opportunity for you to grow and heal all of that pain that you've been carrying around. In time, that weight that you've been carrying on your shoulders will begin to lift, but it all takes time and this is your time to take lemons and make lemonade, so to speak.
You are on the right track of learning to love you. Learning that no matter what is tossed your way, you will face it and then move forward on to the next thing that comes your way. You have the gift of time and I have all of the faith in the world that you will heal.
As a mother, I can understand the worry that you have for your children, especially D14, at the moment. She's left alone a lot and has to rely on someone who is unreliable at the moment. I hope she continues to confide in you and no doubt...she loves you.
I can't wait to hear what you and your D either cook up or sew. You and your d will create some delicious things as well as sew up some beautiful creations...but like you said...you've got to walk through that tar pit at the moment.
I'm sure your nun's bedroom looks nice and comfortable. At least this is one project off your list of things to do.
kas, please stay safe, as well as your children stay safe. Our little county has now put the hammer down and effective Wednesday, we all will need to wear face masks when we got out to the stores, etc. It's to help flatten the curve, but my goodness...we all will look odd.
Take care.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes, I remember the movie Pollyanna. I saw it a very long time ago and if I'm not mistaken, Haley Mills is Pollyanna.
That's the one.
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Yes, kas, this is an opportunity for you to grow and heal all of that pain that you've been carrying around. In time, that weight that you've been carrying on your shoulders will begin to lift, but it all takes time. You are on the right track of learning to love you.
I'm digging deep and seeing that my self esteem was non existent which is why I did whatever H wanted (and more). I thought without him I would be nothing and yet here I am a year later, without him, doing better than I was when I was with him. Crazy right?? By better I mean calmer.
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As a mother, I can understand the worry that you have for your children, especially D14, at the moment. She's left alone a lot and has to rely on someone who is unreliable at the moment. I hope she continues to confide in you and no doubt...she loves you.
She texts, sends me funny video's, I help her with her online homework, friend drama, I'm doing the best I can from afar. I'm hoping I get enough support so she can move back in with me.
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I can't wait to hear what you and your D either cook up or sew. You and your d will create some delicious things as well as sew up some beautiful creations...but like you said...you've got to walk through that tar pit at the moment.
I'm walking through a tar pit but I'm going forward. Laugh if you will but I've been doing small things like wiping the kitchen table daily or making my bed. I've been so depressed that I just stopped caring. I'm proud to report I've kept my kitchen clean for 2 weeks now, laundry is caught up, bills are paid, budget is on target. I still have times when my anxiety is through the roof but it's getting better.
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I'm sure your nun's bedroom looks nice and comfortable. At least this is one project off your list of things to do.
My kids are happy (I am too). I like my nuns bedroom. I took the smallest bedroom because I have the least amount of stuff. It speaks to my soul because at heart I'm a minimalist. I'm steadily getting rid of things from my former life. I want to live a simple and quiet life.
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kas, please stay safe, as well as your children stay safe. Our little county has now put the hammer down and effective Wednesday, we all will need to wear face masks when we got out to the stores, etc. It's to help flatten the curve, but my goodness...we all will look odd.
People are starting to wear masks here. I went ahead an ordered a few from Etsy over the weekend and I will feel completely weird wearing it too. I read today that masks will soon be the new seatbelt. Strange times for sure.
The positive that has come out of the pandemic is that I’m finally living well beneath my means. I can easily live without but I felt bad for my kids. I cut out Christmas sure but continued cooking gourmet type meals and buying pricey things like fresh strawberries. Who knows when I’ll get more support so I needed to cut everything off and save, save, save. My parents were poor, their parents were poor so this isn’t anything new to me.
Now my kids are experiencing what it was like for me as a kid. I thought they’d complain but they haven’t and I have peace knowing I’m spending wisely.
I should confess I read the news for um hours before posting here. My anxiety goes sky high, I get moody, eat too much sugar, D17 leaves the room then I need a stupid pill to calm down. You know it’s hard to focus on happy things despite knowing I’m going to feel bad if I don’t. I will learn though because happy feels way better than this.
I'm a perfectionist and think I should be over this by now. I woke up this morning with a renewed compassion for myself. No one can undo this type of trauma in a year. I'm going to have to work for it and it's supposed to be hard.
I'm working mornings this week so I get here and am informed of two messes that happened yesterday afternoon. One person overreacted (ugh) and the other I feel so bad that she got stuck handling this. I wish now I would have told her that if she couldn't get it to work fairly quickly to set it aside and I'd fix it this morning. My boss said I probably should be working 11-3 but for now he said just let it go. I want to go back to yesterday and start over.
