^^^^^ I agree. Possible co-worker trying to smear her reputation OR a love interest from OM1 or OM3??? I haven't read your whole sitch.
I would let it drop.
If you already know what is this going to do for you??? Someone is hoping to rile you up - their motivation is currently unknown but I wouldn't step in that river of stench if I were you.
Good Luck. That would certainly twist my head up for sure and not in a good way.
I wonder if this is an attempt to smear her and ruin her reputation at work.
If she keeps many lies and secrets, exposure is probably one of her fears.
Originally Posted by Sandi2
As a former WW, would you want to know this is going on behind the scenes?
You're NOT the Wayward Wife.
You're Curtis.
Imagine a stronger Curtis 3 months from now who's managed to kick WW out and leave her to her own dramas while he's so busy pursuing his best independent self. The type of Curtis who she or other women are eager to commit to. When he gets a text, "Hey, your ex who moved out a month ago, she's sleeping with a co-worker!!" What would that Curtis do? Channel that stronger, future Curtis in your decisions.
Anon: “I guess it does not bother you that your wife is seeing another man. Puzzling.”
It is phrases like this one that show you this person is trying to provoke you and not simply inform you.
Be cool Curtis.
I read your post at the end of your last thread too. I feel your pain there. I hope we can be more welcoming than that and also that I wasn't contributing to that negativity you felt. I think most people here really do want to help, but I notice myself getting angry when I read a sitch and you know how that emotion can mess things up.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Curtis, those messages sound very much like someone who wants to "teach your W a lesson" for some reason. Maybe it's one of the OM's wife, or another girlfriend competing with your W for OM's affection. Or possibly a coworker. In any event I would not respond to them anymore, and you might even consider blocking them. They want to stir up drama and are hoping you'll take some kind of action. I am pretty sure you will hear from them again when they don't see the fireworks they are expecting.
It is phrases like this one that show you this person is trying to provoke you and not simply inform you.
Be cool Curtis.
I agree 100% with Ovrrnbw's statement.^^^^^^^
Quote
“We both know
They sound like amateurs, IMHO. Plus, so many of their texts contradict. For example, they tell you several times to ask her about it, then say, “If I were you, I would not tell her you know". They really want to tell you what to do, don't they? Catch her in the act, etc.
I'm inclined to think your W has shared information with someone who pretended to befriend her. Based on the way they talk about you, it's as if your W was talking to them on a daily basis......like one would do with a friend/co-worker. It's little bits of information they've gathered over time, not all at once. They may have approached her about the rampant gossip at work. I've known that to happen, where one woman will act very concerned and proceed to tell the W what's being said at work. Then the emotional W shares her side of the "truth".
Rest assured this pair is not concerned for your feelings or your MR. They just want your W to pay, for whatever reason. I don't know what they mean by your W did not honor her end of the deal.......except, it alludes to someone wanting revenge. They seem cowardly, IMHO. Apparently, they don't want to be identified.
Quote
I have no interest in ever dealing with them unless they are a threat to my family.
I can appreciate your concerns. These days, you never know who you are dealing with. I know it's easy for outsiders to suggest what to do. I hope you will not mention your concern for the safety of your family, b/c it gives them a greater sense of power. If it gets too rough, contact someone that can give your legal advice in how to handle it.
They are definitely trying to goad you. And again, they sound like females, just in the way they talk.
Quote
Sandi, I think you may be onto something about a vengeful co-worker. I wonder if this is an attempt to smear her and ruin her reputation at work. Maybe W has an idea of who they are and why they want to expose her.
Well, they want to expose her to you, b/c they want you to do something that they can't. At least, they don't feel they can do it.......and remain covert. That causes me to think it is someone who stands to lose favor or status if they were outed as the bad guys who ruined your W's reputation at work....or elsewhere.
Quote
As a former WW, would you want to know this is going on behind the scenes?
You asked me as a former WW, and I'll have to tell you honestly that I would want to know.....period. Whether I was wayward or next thing to a saint, I would want to know that these people were out for revenge......and that they were trying to go through my H to get it. I know, there is probably room for argument of why you shouldn't tell her, but I'm not even going to address it. I can only think of how I would feel if my H knew this..... and didn't warn me about it. I don't see how it would make things much worse, by showing her the messages. It may not make things better, as for as saving the M, but I don't think it would get worse.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
So my question would be how do they have your number ? Not sure how it works in the US, but in the UK its not straight forward to find a number unless you publish it ( businesses etc ) or the person got it from WW cell..
Pretty sure it was on one of your threads i mentioned that the LBS underestimates the damage / thread from the friends / best friend of the WW.... In your case we know her best mate is a nasty piece of work.. I'm wondering if its her divorced best mate.. She has done nothing postive to assist in your relationship and maybe she is worried about losing her party animal friend - her solution.. Try and stir up the hornets nest. I assume she also has your cell number ?
Back to your sitch. Glad you have started to repost - often wonder how you are getting on...
Not sure why you allowed WW back into the house though ? Looks a bit weak IMO... What i also dont get is the fact she went out and visited people / still goes back to her house for clothes ? I'm assuming then that you are not in total lockdown, or she is flouting the rules ? Seems she wants it both ways ?
Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..
Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
skip tracing isn't too complicated here at least. I saw a strange number calling my W and quickly found it was OM's parents landline or cell, can't remember.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Major development last night. I was sitting with W on the pool deck playing a game with the kids. A truck pulled into the driveway, S9 ran out to tell us. As I went to the window I saw a truck backing out, revving their engine, then burning rubber as they sped off. My W received a text and had a look of fear on her face. I asked her who was that? She said that was the moral dilemma I was working on telling you about. It was OM3.
She told me she tried breaking it off with him for good last Saturday. Apparently he’s been trying to contact her relentlessly since then. She had met with her psychology friend to understand how to end it. She thought she could let him down softly and get closure. The psychologist told her that firm no contact and stating as such repeatedly in no uncertain terms was needed with someone with his personality and attachment. I then showed her the texts I’ve been receiving as I thought they were related.
OM3 started calling and texting her and wanted her to meet him at her separation house. I told her that if she leaves, don’t bother coming back. I then asked if he was armed and she said yes. I told her she’s not going anywhere alone. She was on the phone with him for about 10 minutes fumbling through an ill-prepared no contact speech. I could tell he was trying to reason with her and she wasn’t firm enough. Eventually she started repeating it was over and hung up. Calls and texts continued until she blocked his number. Then, I started receiving texts on my phone from the anonymous number confirming it was OM3. First text said “Curtis you’re her puppet, we all are.” He then started sending illicit pictures of the two of them together. I didn’t open as I don’t need the mind movies. He tried calling and left a voicemail. I deleted without listening. Wasn’t going to give him power over me, so I blocked his number.
I asked W if she wanted to call the police as I felt there was a threat of danger and so did her girlfriends that she notified. She asked if I could call. I was looking up what to say, then I told her she needed to make the call. This is something she needed to do on her own. She made the call and filed the report. They said an injunction for a temporary restraining order could be filed against him at the courthouse the next day.
I listened for a couple hours where she was trying to piece together how she could allow it to get to this point. She told me if I wanted the divorce, she would understand and I could have it. I replied I don’t want to think about that right now. I just continued to listen and she said how sorry she was for getting us into this situation. W said he called her 50 times one day earlier this week and that he asked her to marry him a few days ago.
This morning W called her boss and HR to notify them that OM3 may try to contact her work. She also called her dad and informed him what happened and that she was having an affair. She made these calls without my recommendation.
In the past couple hours, OM3 has started texting me from another anonymous number. The messages gave explicit details on their sexual relationship and her lies to him and me. He also sent a video that I refused to download and watch.
I have not responded. Would everyone agree that the best response is no response?
OM3 appears to be extremely devastated and is lashing out for any form of revenge. Perhaps he’s trying to get me to throw her out in hopes she’ll come crawling back. I think he is panicking and looking for any way to regain control over her. She told me he has a history of pursuing married woman. I told her they are easy targets to victimize and she agreed. W said that when our kids were exposed to this last night and were scared, she knew it had to be ended for once and for all.
Would this be considered rock bottom?
How do we get this monster out of our lives?
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
The amount of destruction a unfaithful spouse can do can never be underestimated. I’m sorry your boys had to go thru that last night.
I have to be honest with you. When I read that last sentence I wasn’t sure who you were talking about. That speaks volumes.
I thought that was sweet of her to offer you a divorce and say that you can have it. Like she or anybody has a choice.
As for your question. Yes I would say this is the definition of rock bottom but something tells me this may be a typical Saturday night. If she hasn’t learned a lesson from this then she probably never will.
Protect your boys at all cost Curtis. My heart goes out to those boys.
