I don’t doubt that she loves her child. And I don’t doubt that she is a hard worker who has a TON on her plate right now. I’m not a psychologist and certainly don’t claim to know all the facts but the more you say about him and the more you offer excuses for her the more it makes me wonder what more could be done to help both of them. Crying when going from one activity to another seems very extreme and there must be a root cause. I’m sure she is a kind hearted person or you wouldn’t let her around your daughters. I imagine, being a doctor in a time of pandemic plus trying to get a new business off the ground just take extraordinary strength to deal with.
And maybe I’m wrong but I just don’t see why sports is the be all end all. Is that how she feels or is that her trying to impress you because you are clearly a very sports oriented guy. Does she somehow associate that with manliness? And as far as her saying he needs to grow a pair vs. you being the one who called him a pu$$y....kind of the same difference there. It is HER job as his parent to help him learn to be a man and if she doesn’t have his father helping her with that then she needs to figure it out. You say she didn’t play sports and “turned out fine”. I can give you a laundry list of people who didn’t play sports and are rather successful. And I can give you a similar list of people who did play sports who are not at all successful. Some people are social and some aren’t but the more you describe her so the more it sounds like something other than just not being social which circles me back, in my mind, to him feeling like he has to have her approval and her putting a LOT of pressure on him. I guess my overall point here is that it all just kind of seems like a recipe for disaster because if he is like this now, at 8, can you imagine how he’ll be when teenage hormones are thrown into the mix???? And all of it makes the doc come across as pretty high strung too, which may be where he gets it because kids model the behavior they see the most.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
unless i'm missing something (which is more than likely) I think I'm the one who brought up sports, and I did so because I know how much it meant to my son to be able to play with boys (and girls) his own age.
Ideally, he will find something that interests him and will learn that the most satisfying competition is against oneself, but that takes a while to achieve and to inculcate.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
I was more responding to J9’s comment about the doctor saying she never played sports and she was fine, coupled with a comment he made awhile back which was something to the effect of nerdy kids being scouts. I was just making the point that there are lots of options and sports isn’t always the answer. Don’t get me wrong, I think sports are great. And it is just what some kids need as far as learning teamwork and discipline but that is not rights or everyone.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
yes, Dawn, I agree, and little couch potato might not like sports but I wish they would find something with other kids that he *does* like or at least is willing to try. I feel for the kid.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
I told the Doc a while back that not every kid was built for sports and while I do think nerds do scouts (I didn't tell her that) if that is what he enjoys that is what's important. Heck he could make friends being in the chess club. Her nanny is actually the one who is on her about him playing sports and I think she takes offense to it because that doesn't mean he won't turn out any different.
He is not an outside kid, at least not at this juncture. She also does not want to force him to do something he doesn't want to do. I believe she wishes he was more active and got more exercise. He rode his bike yesterday for 10 minutes then went inside because he got tired. She was excited and thought that was progress. I agreed.
She also has a very big heart, very giving but she is tough.
sports are not the end all be all. The kid needs less bible scripture and Spanish lessons and more time doing kid things with other kids and some fun stuff with mom.
I feel bad for the little bugger. I don’t think it’s all a product of his raising , although part of it definitely is, but I think the kid might be on the spectrum somewhere . Has she had him tested? Because they do have some great social clubs for kids on the spectrum of his age.
Or maybe he just needs to go to more kids birthday parties and have a soda once in a while . If the doc loosened up a bit, I bet he would too .
