I'm glad that you had a good night. How much stuff does your H have at your place? How long would it take him to remove it? I haven't read up on your sitch, but are you concerned to allow him to do it while you are not home?
The sooner this gets done, the sooner you don't have to spend any time and energy worrying about it.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I'm glad that you had a good night. How much stuff does your H have at your place? How long would it take him to remove it? I haven't read up on your sitch, but are you concerned to allow him to do it while you are not home?
The sooner this gets done, the sooner you don't have to spend any time and energy worrying about it.
Pretty much everything he owns is still here. There will be tons of sorting out stuff over some time. It will take both of us going through it - room by room.
With the virus and my work schedule and the loss of 4 days taking care of a very sick dog I just haven't even tackled the slightest thing.
He hasn't actually stated what it is that he needs - it may just be that he wants the boat and motorcycle? Maybe he wants ALL of his clothes?
In my head he would make a list of urgent needs - which honestly there shouldn't be any and then we say ok - we will spend two hours and knock out the kitchen... once its done he leaves and we schedule to do another room at X date. Maybe that's unrealistic but with my work schedule during this pandemic I cannot devote an entire weekend at once to get ALL of it.
Frankly there is an order to shelter in place --- he shouldn't be coming here at all.
I really need a business like reply agreeing to his needs but making sure that this weekend is not an option as its my birthday.
I have plans this weekend. Does next weekend work for you?
That's good. So I should leave an open ended loop that requires him to respond. I'm getting to the point I cringe at seeing his text pop up. Big Deep Breath - I can do this!!
Why? KK I get the feeling you think this is a game or something.
NOPE - No game.
As Steve85 has pointed out I'm still dealing with some denial in my sitch. I want my response to be the perfect business like reply. No emotions. At the same time trying not to invite him into much response.
The reason for trying to not get much of a response is that I take it to mean WAY more than it does. I interpret his niceness as his softening on his resolve to end M. This is my weak spot and I am working on it.
I just want an A+ grade on how I'm handling things with H. I'm type A and was an excellent student... grades were important! LOL!
As I suggested previously, request a list of what he needs/wants. Remember, some of the stuff that was purchased may have been purchased with marital funds, i.e., very expensive equipment, the boat, the motorcycle, vehicles, etc. All of this stuff needs to be taken into account with splitting the assets up. Please do not play games w/him. You don't want him to get so angry that he shows up with a police officer to get his stuff. When I was going through this, I was advised that my xh could come to the home and get "personal stuff", i.e., clothing, jewelry, etc. The rest was considered marital assets...but again, you have to decide how you want to handle the "stuff". Take photos so that you have documentation once he's taken things. You do not want him to continue coming back and saying he didn't get everything. He should get everything in that one visit and let it be known that whatever he wants, he takes that day. Mine attempted to pull that I'll get what I can today and make a list and come back another day...nope that didn't work.
Also, he needs to do the change of address. I don't understand why you cannot separate your insurance policies for the vehicles now. My xh and I had joint policies and once he moved out, I contacted my auto insurance company, I advised them of what had happened and requested my own policies and yes, they removed me from my xh's policy. I think you need to advise them that you do not want to be on a policy w/him any longer and wish to set up your own. You may not be asking the proper questions and that's why they are saying that he needs to contact them. If he's the policy holder, that might be the issue, but still I was able to take care of my issues even w/my xh being the policy holder.
As for the utilities, if they are in his name, you may need to have him call them to change the name on the accounts.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
As I suggested previously, request a list of what he needs/wants. Remember, some of the stuff that was purchased may have been purchased with marital funds, i.e., very expensive equipment, the boat, the motorcycle, vehicles, etc. All of this stuff needs to be taken into account with splitting the assets up. Please do not play games w/him. You don't want him to get so angry that he shows up with a police officer to get his stuff. When I was going through this, I was advised that my xh could come to the home and get "personal stuff", i.e., clothing, jewelry, etc. The rest was considered marital assets...but again, you have to decide how you want to handle the "stuff". Take photos so that you have documentation once he's taken things. You do not want him to continue coming back and saying he didn't get everything. He should get everything in that one visit and let it be known that whatever he wants, he takes that day. Mine attempted to pull that I'll get what I can today and make a list and come back another day...nope that didn't work.
Also, he needs to do the change of address. I don't understand why you cannot separate your insurance policies for the vehicles now. My xh and I had joint policies and once he moved out, I contacted my auto insurance company, I advised them of what had happened and requested my own policies and yes, they removed me from my xh's policy. I think you need to advise them that you do not want to be on a policy w/him any longer and wish to set up your own. You may not be asking the proper questions and that's why they are saying that he needs to contact them. If he's the policy holder, that might be the issue, but still I was able to take care of my issues even w/my xh being the policy holder.
As for the utilities, if they are in his name, you may need to have him call them to change the name on the accounts.
I get what you are saying about what he is allowed to take. Will make sure when he responds that he get a list of his needs that day.
He wants it to be just the two of us going through stuff. ==== there is WAY to much to do in one day especially with my work schedule during pandemic.
I think he just wants his big items? Mostly the motorcycle I suspect so he can ride it. IDK
Will see if he gets back to me. I did not leave an open loop NOR did I ask he call to set something more specific up. My goal today is to track money that been moved around.
