Affair Fog-LRT

[MrBrside]

Consider sorting the logistics via email or text.

You have no control when talking over the phone - You have more control what you wrote / send.. and you can think / ask advice on here before you do it.

You will see your WW wanting to talk more and more.

As crazy as she is, she is also scared. On one hand she has OM - this exciting new life to look forward to. On the other hand is you - a safe bet - dependable etc - But she is thinking with emotion fuelled by OM dopamine hits. You can't beat her emotion.. So take a step back. She is the one who is messed up and she needs to realise this. At the minute she has her lover ( alpha ) for fun / excitement and also wants you as her provider ( beta ) to vent on / be there when she needs it.. Dont settle for being 2nd..

[kto626]

Honestly, I do t know if she is still seeing him. I know she did a few weeks ago but I also know her friends were pissed that she did. I'm not going to ask. She needs to tell me, which I don't know if she would because she wants me to be jealous.

I know you are going to say she is. I'm probably being dumb.

[kto626]

One if my biggest questions everyday is should I text to ask how my daughter is in the morning? We FaceTime at night but when my daughter is with me my W texts to see how she is (most days). I've been trying not to but I really do want to.

[MrBrside]

1) - believe nothing that she says
2) - she will lie to you, she will lie to her friends, she will lie to anybody and everybody ! - she now thinks with emotion, NOT logic
3) - Even if she isn't seeing OM, she still has to work on herself - otherwise you go full circle - Look at Thortons Sig - Do you really want to do this every 2 years... Lifes too short and she is damaged. She has more work to do on herself that you do and you need to be strong. She needs to fix herself - you cant fix her - and some people are beyond fixing... some people do not want to be fixed.

I know you are going to say she is. I'm probably being dumb.

4) - Again - believe nothing she says !!!!

[MrBrside]

One if my biggest questions everyday is should I text to ask how my daughter is in the morning? We FaceTime at night but when my daughter is with me my W texts to see how she is (most days). I've been trying not to but I really do want to.

I love my kids - But why do you need to know how she is every morning. Does she suffer from illness ?

Peoples opinions will vary - my take on this is that if she is fit and healthy, she will be ok 10 hours after you spoke to her - I would expect my WW to let me know if they were poorly, but why ask every day ? unless she suffers from illness, your daughter should be fine - hence i would reduce the contact.. Your WW may not even be telling your daughter you are asking, so she wouldnt be aware of it.

[greenman]

About texting to check on your daughter each day...

I wouldn't unless there is some underlying issue with your daughter you must check on.

[kto626]

She is fairly healthy (other than Celiac). But I was my daughters primary support her whole life. She wants to be with me and my W is jealous of that. I just feel guilty I guess. I also know I'm subconsciously opening dialogue with my W and that's why I shouldn't do it. I've been pretty good about not doing it for the past week. Eventually, my W will text with a random question later in the s

[Mumin]

She wants to be with me and my W is jealous of that. I just feel guilty I guess. I also know I'm subconsciously opening dialogue with my W and that's why I shouldn't do it. I've been pretty good about not doing it for the past week.

YOU feel guilty? Why?! From what I've heard you seem like a great father...
You may have some part in this, but your W is being wayward. Zero reason to feel guilt!

You need to let go and realize that 50% (?) of the time you have NO control and actually NO say in your daughters life, unless there is abuse.
The only thing that might make a difference here (since jurisdiction might be different) is if you want to and think you have a chance at getting full custody. Then you might handle things differently.
Like Brside said you D will be completely fine!
So in general, STOP asking! (Totally fine to not promptly stop immediately, but within the next week)
I am assuming you don't call daycare everyday and ask how she?
When and if your W asks be VERY short! "She's good". Nothing else, and let her wait a few hours!
W is LOW LOW LOW priority for you now.
Be strong!!!

[kto626]

I feel guilty that my daughter cries for me at times. I feel guilty that she wants to be with me. But you are right, she's with my W 50% of the time so she is fine. I am a good dad, my W tells me that all the time. I haven't texted in the morning in awhile. Today, my W texted me telling me what she was doing with my D. At that point I asked how she was. I figured I don't initiate then I'm making progress.

And daycare is actually my W's sister-in-law but she is completely on my side! So she lets me know how my D is doing.

Honestly, I feel like the more I step back the more my W reaches out. It feels good but I need to stay strong on that.

[Mumin]

I feel guilty that my daughter cries for me at times. I feel guilty that she wants to be with me.

I understand this, but try not to. Will get easier over time.
Take responsibility of YOURS, the rest is out of your control.

I am a good dad, my W tells me that all the time.

So does mine. I just to love hearing it from her.
Now I hate it! ´Shes using it to make her self feel more ok for being not as good herself.

At that point I asked how she was.

Perfectly fine!


Avoid talking to SIL about W!