One thing to keep in mind when you read her letter.... what she writes in the letter is only an indicator of how she feels right now. Feelings can and do change, so keep that in mind.
There have been countless stories here when a WAS says they are done (and they mean in that instance), only to come back a few months later feeling completely different and wanting to reconcile. In fact, it's happened to me 3x with my WAS.
One thing to keep in mind when you read her letter.... what she writes in the letter is only an indicator of how she feels right now. Feelings can and do change, so keep that in mind.
There have been countless stories here when a WAS says they are done (and they mean in that instance), only to come back a few months later feeling completely different and wanting to reconcile. In fact, it's happened to me 3x with my WAS.
Believe nothing she says (or writes).
This^^.
Please know, what you read is likely not what you're going to want to hear. The hope many of us would have is probably something along the lives of "kto, I love you and Im sorry. I miss you and want to fix this". What you'll probably end up reading will be blame, hatred and passive aggressive or straight aggressive remarks. If it is or isnt what you want to hear, remember Thorntons post...its how she feels NOW. I was emailed an actual nice email about W feeling bad about it, wanting to work on herself and how she wants the kids to come first. Well...no working on herself has yet to occur. I'd almost rather I never read that nonsense.
For anxiety, as others mentioned, hit the gym hard. Push yourself. Set and hit goals. The gym gets lots of stress, anxiety and anger out, plus feel good chemicals fill the body after.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
I will try and post here as often as I can and remember. I do want to point out thought that I am very new to db myself though.
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Believe nothing she says (or writes).
This is very important! MY wife told my early January that she stills loves me. She actually DID say it for real. For the first time in like 6 months. Se said she DOES have hopes for us. A week ago she confessed shes seeing the OM.
Believe NOTHING that she says or writes! NOTHING! MY W is an EXTREMELY good example of this.
This is all about actions. Not words.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Wow. I really need to know that. She told me today the letter/email is almost done. She also called me today saying how overwhelmed and scared she is because of the Corona virus. She asked to call, cried, told me she's scared, but I held my ground. Validated but that was it. I know she is trying to reel me back in. Trying to stay strong!
Wow. I really need to know that. She told me today the letter/email is almost done. She also called me today saying how overwhelmed and scared she is because of the Corona virus. She asked to call, cried, told me she's scared, but I held my ground. Validated but that was it. I know she is trying to reel me back in. Trying to stay strong!
IMO you should not of taken the call - she is Temp checking.
I would peronally wouldn't even open the email / letter.. as stated before, it will probably be gas lighting or abuse anyway - and what she's written won't be how she feels in a week or how she did actually feel before the affair.... My WW gave me a big speech about how she has never been happy with me since our first child was born ( 8 years prior to BD ) - hmmm ok - why did we have 2 more children and she was always asking to get engaged / married ?.
In the post 2 days ago you state you told your wife to only contact you re your daughter.. She has ignored that request and you chose to answer / validate.
You will read here on numerous posts the quote "Your wife fired you as a husband" - If your employer fired you and then called you to dicuss something would you take the call and validate ? The only reason you would do that is if you wanted the job back. You need to let go of the rope. You took the call and validated as you want your wife back. You need to stick to the boundaries.
You say it yourself - she was trying to reel you back in - Well you need to stop allowing this. You cant control her - you can control you.
If my WW calls i ignore - she ALWAYS then sends a message "Please answer" - my reply is always the same "Text only". That was i can filter the drama and whats kids related or not..
You need to be strong..
Totally randomly, i also got a text last night from the WW - out of the blue.. "This Corona Virus is Mental!!!" - and i just ignored it.
Be strong !
Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..
Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
I have told my W I'm setting boundaries because it's time to work on me. Basically, no contact unless it's for my daughter.
Originally Posted by CWarrior
The typical losing LBS playbook is to announce boundaries they have not thought through--then regret the damage they cause and look weak by failing to enforce them.
Agreed, as MrBrside says, it does not sound like that exchange was a good example of holding your ground (boundary).
Yeah I shouldn't of taken it. It was mainly about our D but she did start by saying how overwhelmed she was. I just said I could imagine she would be. But I did talk logistics at first then it turned into the Corona scare and what we are doing to prepare. Where I live they are closing schools and people are clearing out all of the grocery stores.
But you are right. It started with a text asking if she could call. I should've just said text me.
