Is there any way that you can delegate some of the work that has been assigned to you and your unit? Is there any way that you can go to your supervisor and advise him/her that you are unable to take on the additional work because you are attempting to get a handle on what you've already been assigned?
My boss is great. We're all spread thin so he just told me this morning to do what I can. He says he knows I'm a perfectionist and that I have to let that go. He told me just do a little at a time and that it would be okay.
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The pain that you are feeling as a LBS will not last forever. Right now, you are grieving for the loss of the relationship/marriage and it's going to take some time to move through the stages of grief. You are going to have good moments and then bad moments. It's like one step forward, two steps back. Eventually, you will be moving forward and not taking steps backwards. Feel the pain, allow it to wash over you and then release it. I know, that sounds crazy, but the only way to get through the grieving process is through it and not around it.
I'm doing this to the best of my ability then I lose it spiraling into thoughts of I'm going to feel this way forever. I get into other bad thoughts that serve no purpose whatsoever.
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Try to focus on a second, then a minute, then an hour and eventually each day. Don't try to look too far into the future. Just focus on today and what you can accomplish today. Tomorrow will take care of itself in due time.
Honestly it's not a huge loss having him gone but it bothers me monumentally that he's with OW.
What previous loss does this experience take you back to?
I still miss him and our intact family. I'm acknowledging that despite the part where we struggle life is a bit more fun without his grumpy, opinionated self in it. I feel like she took what was supposed to be ours. Our financial security, my husband, their father, etc. The loss is a feeling of being thrown away and replaced by what is probably some 30 year old. I'm probably not saying anything that any other LBS hasn't said at one point after being replaced by a younger model.
On losses there are too many to count. I know I have childhood wounds that haven't healed.
kml the only way I got any love from my parents was by doing whatever they wanted me to do. I was miserable and having a lot of physical health issues which ultimately landed me into IC. Started setting boundaries and I got dumped. 33 years (ironic I know) of doing everything they asked me to do they kicked me to the curb. Discarded like a piece of garbage.
I married my mother and the judgmental part of my father. Mom was emotionally unavailable, rarely happy, nothing I did was good enough, etc. I married H to heal this wound, this time I'd get it right only I didn't. 30 years later he left too and he didn't just leave he REPLACED me. My mother loved the dog more than me and yes she admitted it. So yeah this hurts because I never fully dealt with first loss. I just replaced her with a string of emotionally unavailable men H just happened to be the one I married.
I've had a lot of IC and I've wanted to fix this for a very long time. Living with H was like touching this abandonment wound daily and now here is my opportunity to heal. He triggered every insecurity I had then when I got upset he got to feel better about himself.
I've been dark for 7 months now. He kept pushing my buttons so I had to cut him off.
So - the issue isn't really H leaving - you yourself know that you are actually better off without him. It's that this is stirring up your abandonment issues from your parents.
It's hard, but try to separate the two. You don't HAVE to go into all the pain of your childhood every time H rejects you. You don't HAVE to assume he's going to be happier. And you don't HAVE to assume that your future life isn't going to be better.
If you can let go of H, enjoy not walking on eggshells around him, get more counseling to heal your childhood wound, and CREATE THE NEW LIFE that YOU want, your life will only get better and better. You don't have to have these toxic people dragging you down anymore. You can find positive, loving people to surround yourself with, people who value you for you.
My other whine about her is he won’t have to be alone. Ever. He gets the money, a house, retirement, a parter, someone with an income. His life didn’t skip a beat.
I should not complain though. I work with a woman who’s husband left her for someone else. He left her and small children homeless. He’s still married to her. My coworker eventually remarried years later but still.
