Thanks BenB

[Mumin]

Once again thank you for your answers everyone!

I don't think you're ready.

Maybe not. But whats the worst that can happen? Do you think I would go into depression?
Also If I wait for her to do it, and she does it, I think I will wish I had.

Short update and question:
Me and W have since Tuesday had Zero contact, except for her once asking if kids are alright, until today (Saturday).
She is away in another city for the weekend and asked if it is ok that she stays at a friend (female she is travelling with) on Sunday, and then take the kids on Monday.
Really do NOT understand what is happening as it would be standard for me to have the kids all weekend with our current setup.
She doesn't have to ask me that...

Have not responded yet. Any suggestions?
Will probably say something like:
"You getting the kids from school on Monday would be normal so I don't see that you really need to ask."


Now back to fixing D1's room.

[ovrrnbw]

The worst that can happen is you end up divorced, and you regret it. And you break your vow. You signed up for the good times and the bad times. These are the bad times.

Just be detached. She texted asking about the kids? "The kids are great". Always answer the question shortly, but just answer the question.

[AnotherStander]

Also If I wait for her to do it, and she does it, I think I will wish I had.

Well the end result is the same no matter who files. Are you sure you're not just saying that because you want to feel like you have "control" of the situation? I mean I get it, we all scramble to find some semblance of control again after BD. But just remember you control you. That's where your focus needs to be.

Short update and question:
Me and W have since Tuesday had Zero contact, except for her once asking if kids are alright, until today (Saturday).
She is away in another city for the weekend and asked if it is ok that she stays at a friend (female she is travelling with) on Sunday, and then take the kids on Monday.
Really do NOT understand what is happening as it would be standard for me to have the kids all weekend with our current setup.
She doesn't have to ask me that...

Have not responded yet. Any suggestions?

As ovr said, keep responses short and businesslike. "Yes that will be fine." No need to point out that you would have them anyway or anything like that.

Will probably say something like:
"You getting the kids from school on Monday would be normal so I don't see that you really need to ask."

No that would be antagonistic. It's like you're calling her stupid or forgetful. My XW has made similar statements and rather than point out her error I just reply back "sure it's fine" or such, and often she will then reply back saying "oh I had my days mixed up, forgot you will have them anyway!" But had I pointed it out to her she would likely get angry about it. Keep things neutral and brief. You don't want to elicit ANY emotion in her. Not joy, not anger. Both will make her mad right now!

[Mumin]

Thanks ovr and AS!
My answer was short. Not as good as your suggestions but much better than initial thought.

But had I pointed it out to her she would likely get angry about it. Keep things neutral and brief. You don't want to elicit ANY emotion in her. Not joy, not anger. Both will make her mad right now!

Very good explanation! Thanks!

I will continue to Db and see what happens the next few weeks/month.
There is a small house for sale and at a good price that would be great for me and the kids..
Tonight will be interesting, first time I will se her in a week...
Might be an MBR discussion.

[ovrrnbw]

Plan out your responses to what is likely a predictable convo.

Be brief, answer her questions, validate her but then get some sleep.

[Mumin]

Ovr, you were quicker than I expected. Didn't plan much more than prepare mentally to be solid/strong. Went well but could have validated I guess.

We chatted a bit about kids, her weekend and my job.
Actually feels weird to socialize with her. Don't really want to.
While I was prepping for my day tomorrow she said she turned the heat up in the cabin.
Me - are you going to sleep there?
W- well one of us is, I guess.
Me- I am planning on sleeping here (pointed to the bed which she was actually sitting in)
W- oh really. (agitated) well ok. Feels like your taking control of the house.
Me- I want to sleep in my bed. That's what feels best for me.


So now she is outside in the cabin.
Found myself looking at her through the window.
Both feel anger and that I miss her at the same time...
Now sleep. Gym tomorrow morning.


Also, realize this might get a bit weird for the kids. Mommy sleeping outside...
Any perspectives or things to say to them are helpful!

[Mumin]

This is so much up and down (never as low as before though).
One day I am so ready to move on and feeling stronger than ever, the next I am missing her. Feeling sorry that shes with OM.

Anyway, some thought on above are appreciated.

Also, It is likely she will want to talk about MBR.
What do you guys think about suggesting that we split the bed in two.
Today its one King size bed with a single King size duvet.
Its basically made for laying close to each-other...

[LH19]

M,

At this point it should be nonnegotiable. She has a boyfriend she sleeps in the cabin.

[ovrrnbw]

Just politely let her know that you are not open to that idea.

[Mumin]

Huge Thanks LH and ovr for a quick reply.

Just politely let her know that you are not open to that idea.

You mean not open to sharing a bed? OR to separating the beds and sharing the room?

Not sure I can enforce her NOT sleeping in the house, given the kids are here and the days that she is actually at home are the days that are supposed to be her time with the kids...
Will think and consider this during the week.