hello, I am still alive and kicking. I am doing much better. I am really integrating positive self talk, and pulling myself out of the ditch when I feel I am stuck.
can I get info on "touch and Go's" and what is an 'anchor check' and possibly some examples?
Touch and go's are very common w/the MLCer. Sometimes, they will come around and have moments of clarity, whereby they may show interest in you or what you are doing and then they disappear again for a period of time. It's their way of checking to see if you are still right where they left you. They can sense when you begin to pull away and begin moving forward and often times, that's when they'll come around a bit. They may actually talk to you like a rational person, show interest in you, etc., of share tidbits of their life w/you...however, once they come to realize that they are warming up to you again...off they go again. We call their actions "temperature checks".
I have never heard the term "anchor check". Sorry.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
But I saw indifference in my xh before Bomb It started when he thought he coulddo whatever, whenever he wanted stay out all night ect His mind was made up then and MLC had already taken him
I have not seen any changes in him but we dont keep in touch Many may use drugs, prescriptions ,alcohol ,affairs, sex ,gambling ,shopping ect to continue to run and hide from their feelings
keep up the good work
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Indifference usually begins about 18-24 months prior to the bomb drop. When a person is depressed, they have no desire to be happy about anything. It's a struggle to get through the day for some. Take some time and read up on depression. If you check out the resources thread that smurf created many years ago, which is one of the threads above and is one of the stickies, it may provide you with a lot of sage advice.
When does indifference start to fade? When the person who is suffering starts to wake up and begin to look around and become curious about life, i.e., children, spouse, parents, pets, friends, co-workers, etc. This generally does not begin until closer to the end of the crisis.
If you don't already know this...depression is the main ingredient of MLC. Depression comes in all shapes and sizes and how it is not a "one size fits all" when it comes to the symptoms.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Good morning, I have been using NC/SC. I do not contact her fo0r anything. She will contact me for things, but it always seems like it is a dig, to get to me. the last couple of times I seen her I was very neutral, and positive. I did not show her how much pain I am in. after that she texts me with things she knows that will hurt me. is this normal, should I be doing something more? another thing is, she left a lot of her clothes in the closet and will come by and take a couple things at a time. she will gather up a few things, and then forget to take them. this has happened on a few occasions. why does she do this. why doesn't she just take everything with her to her new house?
She's in MLC and they do not always take everything w/them. They leave plenty behind, whether it's an excuse to come into the home and see if everything is the same, to see if you've changed anything, to get a sense if you have moved on or whether she just didn't need the items at that time. For whatever reason, they do some whacky stuff and leaving belongings behind is one of those things. Also, when they start their new lives, they don't always want the "old stuff" as reminders of their past. They love to spend money and purchase new things, i.e., this makes them feel better and provides them w/something different.
Is she coming into the home when you aren't there? You may want to take a look around and see what she has actually taken. They tend to "sneak out" things that you won't notice are missing until much later on. They are like kids, if the notion strikes them and they see something, they'll take it. Never mind that is not something that they actually need.
Stay the course, everything she is doing is very normal for someone in MLC. You might want to visit some of the threads because many of the questions that you are asking...have been discussed by others. The resources thread by smurf has a lot of good info threads that may help answer your questions and help you better understand that there is no rhyme or reason for what they do. Why? Because they are emotional stunted individuals, they are emotionally all over the place and you can't rationalize w/some who is emotional. Also, trying to analyze their every action and/or comment will absolutely drive you nuts.
Keep the focus on you!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
In fact, he never took much of it ever I finally threw it out
He did look like he had bought some new stuff... clothes younger people would wear like a tight hoodie His ow was much younger so she may have picked it out
She may want to hurt you to get you to react...so she can validate her choice
I think many a MLCer wants the LBS to sit pining for them let her see you growing , making friends, doing things
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Hello, thank you for the responses. I asked her for her last two check stubs for the mortgage company. she is reluctant, and asked why they needed them. I told her that they needed them. I then texted her the following,
"I am not trying to meddle in your business. if it helps, I have no intentions to pursue you, or thinking that we can fix us. I know that you do not love me anymore, and I accept that. I am past that point now. I just want to get this all behind me at this point. I am glad you found happiness, and truly wish you all the best in life. I have no bad intentions towards you."
Did I do the wrong thing? I was trying to show detachment, in a way she would see. I felt like following up with how much I love her and wish she would come home, but thankfully I did not text anymore than that. surprisingly, she had no response at all.
I, personally wouldn't have sent it. I would have continued to show her that I had moved on. Actions speak louder than words. There is no guarantee that she actually sat down and read what you sent because if it's more than a sentence or two, their attention span is that of a gnat.
Now, leave it alone and don't say another word about moving on. Let's hope that she sends you the check stubs for the mortgage. If she doesn't contact the mortgage company yourself and inquire as to how you can get copies.
Keep the focus on you! Just leave her alone unless it's necessary to contact her about paperwork, etc. Otherwise, she's out there on her own for now.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
