I told her it was wrong what she did (she asked my opinion) since he had not agreed to do the work. He was p*ssed and she apologized.
She is used to getting what she wants. She is very proud of her accomplishments and is very tuned into her finances. She is very quirky with how she spends her money and is not wasteful. Yesterday she gave me a bag full of applesauce, chocolate pudding and a cheese cup from Sonic because they were going to expire soon. I laughed to myself.....I was like WTF!!!! A cheese cup from Sonic??? She shops at Aldi, buys her kid second hand clothing, makes her own earrings and buys used jeans off of Ebay. Yet, she just throws cash at her neighbor to build her a deck.
However when she lets you in you are in and will give you the shirt off her back. She will do anything for you when she lets you in the circle. For example, her friend wasn't married but wanted kids. The Doc gave her money to adopt 2 children and also paid off her credit card debt.
Last edited by job; 03/02/2007:53 PM. Reason: edited language
Honestly it is a bit of a red flag D. With her, I would never want to be without employment or put her in a position to hang money over my head. I bet you she crushed her XH.
I do well but I am not a Doc and don't make what she makes. I made that very clear to her early on as I was concerned that it was something she would itemize against me.
Truthfully she only needs me for about 2 things. Companionship and you know the other
Not to belabor a point, but did she really need to ask if what she did was wrong? I mean, one would assume she's a reasonably intelligent person since she's a doctor, so in asking your opinion, was she really wanting to know if it was wrong or was she just testing the waters to see if you were ok with her acting that way? Because honestly, if she seriously didn't know that treating someone that way is wrong or if she didn't understand why the neighbor was mad, that seems like an even bigger red flag to me than how she acted at the event with the bid thing. If she knows full well what she is doing and she just plays dumb, well that too is a big issue.
I'm not trying to make something of nothing, really. Other than this, she has sounded like a pretty cool chick all along, but I think I may be extra sensitive to some things. I have never had money. I came from a poor family and I worked my a$$ for everything I have too, just like the doctor did. I had to fight tooth and nail in a "man's world" since I chose the field of agriculture as my education and career path. I didn't choose to be an actual doctor but I'm very proud of everything I have accomplished in my own right, just like the doctor is. But when people expect to be treated a certain way because they have money or looks or because of a certain status, that really irks me. I'm sure your doctor is a lovely, beautiful woman and she's obviously an attentive mom and a good partner for you and that is all great. I just don't want you to get in a situation where she uses that attitude on you because it just seems kind of ugly (and actually very unlike the woman you have described all along, so maybe it is in my interpretation of what you are saying and not in what is actually happening).
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Doc is very type A, very clinical. She tells me all the time that I see a side of her that 99.5% of the population doesn't see.
What happens when you stop being in the one half of one percent and join the other 99.5? This is not a new thought for me as I’ve thought it before - actually early on. You’ve mentioned this before about her treating you differently than she treats employees, some family, many friends, etc. I just figured you’d start to see more of it but so far, even a little over a year in, you have not. You’re still getting a pass.
It’s a tough call. You maybe never well become part of the other 99 percent but you’re in a small segment and OMG what would she do if she moved you out of the inner circle? I really don’t know and I am not even suggesting this is a dealbreaker but it is concerning. Perhaps as long as you continue to stand up to her, you’re okay. But dang, I have to believe that the other 99% see the real doctor and you’re still getting the restrained version or at least the version she’s trying to be until she has you totally locked down. Move forward a few years and you’re married, I’ll bet you she continues to leave the bid on the table and takes you to the mat over it. She no longer has to put on the act.
Again this is hard because at least what you tell us, she doesn’t usually act this way - although perhaps she does, just not with you. This is why some woman say they pay attention to how guys they date treat wait staff or service people. You almost have to assume at some point you will be treated like the other 99% and if I’m correct, will you be okay with that? It seems like that’s who the real doctor is. You may still be getting the good doctor - not the real doctor everyone else gets - like her neighbor.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Yep....what Don said. That’s what I was trying to say.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Just be careful, J. It’s one thing to be frugal with your groceries and clothes. It’s another thing to use your money to manipulate or get what you want. Using money for power or control or to get what you want when someone doesn’t want to give it, is not a pretty trait.
Not a doctor, and I clearly don’t have an excess of money, but I don’t need anything from a man. Maybe to lift heavy things or open my jars, but I even got that covered. I need more money, I get another job, lol. Companionship, live, support, sex, respect is what I need in a man. That should be most of the women out there.
Let’s just hope she saw she couldn’t use her money for control on you, and hopefully she will see it’s not good to use it to get what you want at any cost either
She knows she can't control me with money. It is not any more or any less important than her other qualities. TBH I have not seen her try to control anyone with money, just this one incident with her neighbor. They do have an odd relationship and with them it is more of a relationship out of necessity as they both need each other. I wont go into all the details as there are just too many but its not as bad as it seems. To all of your points though it is on my radar.
This is really the first time I had to stand up to her. Honestly I should have done it more with my XW and if I had who knows how our R would have been different.Not trying to stand up in a mean but rather stand up for what I believe in, what I feel, not afraid to speak my mind in a respectful way and disagree with her as well if I actually do.
It is actually good practice for me and something i am very self aware of.
LOL.....I don't know yet. Winners are supposed to get notified this week. Hopefully so though, it was 4 tickets to Sea World in San Antonio along with 2, $100 gift cards. The retail cost was $425 and I bid $140. What a steal!!
