Midlife wife crisis14

[Ginger1]

Wow. Just wow.

Falling more for your GF? Like 2 weeks ago it wasn’t working out so well.

You bring a new woman into your child’s life so shortly after divorce and you expect your kids to embrace with open arms.

And you are so so so attached to your ex.

Those poor kiddos

[Wolfman]

Wow. Just wow.

Falling more for your GF? Like 2 weeks ago it wasn’t working out so well.

You bring a new woman into your child’s life so shortly after divorce and you expect your kids to embrace with open arms.

And you are so so so attached to your ex.

Those poor kiddos

Ok maybe last week I over reacted. We were just having a disagreement. My d seems to have no problem with my ex’s BF who she has been dating for just a couple of months. Again, for my d it comes from this unhealthy obsession she has for my ex. My ex could be dating a bum and my d would like him. It’s just what I am up against with my d. I am honestly feeling a lot, lot better not being with ex. She is making this easier and easier.
And yes I feel very bad for my kids. I hate that this happened. I wish for my kids that they would have had married parents. But that is not in the cards anymore.

[Ginger1]

When I say I feel bad for your kids, it’s not because their parents aren’t married. It’s because of how BOTH are ha doing things post D. You rushed into a relationship shop while still attached to your wife. A relationship in which you are all over the board.

They have no stability or focused attention on them at a time they need it much more. Both of you are focused on each other in unhealthy ways and on brand new Relationships.

A main reason why it is advised against to jump into a relationship where kids are involved is because of how it affects the kids. They need much more. They need the chance to adjust to this post D life. They need the focus off other relationships and on them and how they are handling and coping.

And maybe your ex can’t do it or doesn’t want to do it, but you could have.

I truly do not believe it’s the divorce itself that kids have hard time dealing with. It’s how it’s handled and they are transitioned into their new ways of living. And transitioned properly, they could be just fine with outcome

[sandi2]

Holy $hit where to begin. I don’t think neither of you are fit to be parents and your children don’t have much of a chance but you’re the one here so I’ll give you the advice. Get them in therapy and make it crystal clear to your W not to talk to your daughter like that. EVER!

Do you not see the irony where you tell your daughter not to rush into anything with someone????? I thought your gf was in her twenties or something. Why is she still living at home at 40?

Anyways focus on your kids Wolf they need someone normal and dependable and right now you may be the closest thing to it.

I just love LH19.

[Wolfman]

When I say I feel bad for your kids, it’s not because their parents aren’t married. It’s because of how BOTH are ha doing things post D. You rushed into a relationship shop while still attached to your wife. A relationship in which you are all over the board.

They have no stability or focused attention on them at a time they need it much more. Both of you are focused on each other in unhealthy ways and on brand new Relationships.

A main reason why it is advised against to jump into a relationship where kids are involved is because of how it affects the kids. They need much more. They need the chance to adjust to this post D life. They need the focus off other relationships and on them and how they are handling and coping.

And maybe your ex can’t do it or doesn’t want to do it, but you could have.

I truly do not believe it’s the divorce itself that kids have hard time dealing with. It’s how it’s handled and they are transitioned into their new ways of living. And transitioned properly, they could be just fine with outcome

Ginger. I don’t think I rushed into a relationship for the sake of the kids. It was 10 months after I started to date and the. They didn’t meet or know I had a GF until 8 months after that. So 18 months went by after our separation/divorce. As far as me moving on, yeah, maybe it was a little too soon. As far as my relation being all over the board, again they were. But my emotions and feelings are coming togther. The ex has just been so miserable it has really made it a lot easier like said to really remove myself from her.
Can you explain stability and focused attention? When I have them, I try and do fun things with them. I always speak with them and how they are doing. I give them kisses and hugs and tell them all the time how much I love them.
Honestly, help me then. What am I missing?

[AnotherStander]

Ok maybe last week I over reacted. We were just having a disagreement. My d seems to have no problem with my ex’s BF who she has been dating for just a couple of months. Again, for my d it comes from this unhealthy obsession she has for my ex. My ex could be dating a bum and my d would like him. It’s just what I am up against with my d.

Wolf, I have never seen a young girl that had an "unhealthy obsession" for her own mother. I think most people would call that what it is- love. I think you are extremely jealous of the strong relationship the two of them have when you should applaud their closeness. When girls are really young they tend to bond with their dad, and as they get into the teen years they pull back from that and attach more to their mom. It's normal, and as a dad you should just accept it and focus on making the best of the time that you have with her. The terminology you're using- "what I am up against" and such, it's like you see this as a battle between you and XW and you want to "win" and you want her to "lose". How about both of you winning? What's wrong with that? Set aside your jealously and pettiness and encourage your D to have a strong R with XW AND with you.

[Ginger1]

Ok maybe last week I over reacted. We were just having a disagreement. My d seems to have no problem with my ex’s BF who she has been dating for just a couple of months. Again, for my d it comes from this unhealthy obsession she has for my ex. My ex could be dating a bum and my d would like him. It’s just what I am up against with my d.

Wolf, I have never seen a young girl that had an "unhealthy obsession" for her own mother. I think most people would call that what it is- love. I think you are extremely jealous of the strong relationship the two of them have when you should applaud their closeness. When girls are really young they tend to bond with their dad, and as they get into the teen years they pull back from that and attach more to their mom. It's normal, and as a dad you should just accept it and focus on making the best of the time that you have with her. The terminology you're using- "what I am up against" and such, it's like you see this as a battle between you and XW and you want to "win" and you want her to "lose". How about both of you winning? What's wrong with that? Set aside your jealously and pettiness and encourage your D to have a strong R with XW AND with you.

Bravo! You could hug and kiss your kids and play with them, but look at the behavior you are modeling! How does your daughter have an “unhealthy obsession” with her own mom???? You are far from having done your own work. That’s what you should be concentrating on at this time. Focus on building healthy relationships with your kids. Not ones that feel like a “who does it better” with your ex.

You aren’t up against anything with your D. You are simply her father. Be a father who models positive behavior in all relationships.

[Wolfman]

My d has been I therapy since she was 3. Because she had severe separation anxiety. Anytime my ex would leave her she would cry and throw tantrums. Even school was hard for her for her first few years of school. She would cry going to school. Anytime while we were married and my ex would go out I would play with the kids and do all kinds of fun things with them. My son is not like that at all. When my d met my GF she cried that she had to meet her. When my d met my ex’s BF she didn’t cry at all. Like I said my ex could date a bum on the street and it would be fine. I could bring home Ariana Grande and she would hate her and have a problem with her. I am a very loving father who always played with my kids and took them places and was always there for them. I taught my d how to ride a bike and my ex wouldn’t even come outside. She said can you record it. While we were first going through our separation my d started to have panic attacks. My ex would yell at her to get over it and to cut the $hit. Then walk out and slam the door. What did I do, go in her room and talk to her and comfort her. My ex right in front of her said why are you talking to her, she needs to get over this. I said I can’t just leave her like this. I slept on her floor for a week until she got better. The point is I was always there for my d in a very loving way. My ex and her would always battle. But once this happened, my d quickly sided with her. Both therapists said because my d is afraid my ex with cut her off too. (My ex has cut out endlesss amounts of friends and family, she doesn’t talk to anyone in her family except her parents, that’s because that constantly give her money, or else she would have cut them off too. As a matter of fact she barely spoke to her parents for 2 years before our separation because she had so many problems with her parents and brother. But once this happened she went crying to them for money.) That they latch on to the abuser for fear of rejection. And that I am the safe one and she knows I would never do that too her. I hope all of this makes sense.
Look I am not jealous of their relationship. I hoe they have a great relationship. I am not looking to win or lose either. I would just hope that she would treat us equally. Nasty to both or nice to both. It just hurts that I was always there for my d but now she is making me out to be the “bad” guy. I just hurts so much how I tried to always be this loving, caring parent.

[LH19]

W,

I really feel sorry for your children and I really hope they can get some good therapy. You and your ex both have toxic personality disorders so it will be difficult for them to find a sense of stability. My father is a narcissist but I had comfort and stability from my mother. To this day he will tell you he never did anything wrong in his life. IMO if what you were saying was true then your daughter couldn’t get enough of being with you. I truly hope you can really start to look in the mirror and start to answer some really tough questions and get some help.

I hope the best for your children.

[Wolfman]

W,

I really feel sorry for your children and I really hope they can get some good therapy. You and your ex both have toxic personality disorders so it will be difficult for them to find a sense of stability. My father is a narcissist but I had comfort and stability from my mother. To this day he will tell you he never did anything wrong in his life. IMO if what you were saying was true then your daughter couldn’t get enough of being with you. I truly hope you can really start to look in the mirror and start to answer some really tough questions and get some help.

I hope the best for your children.

I am always trying to reflect and become a better person. I try very hard to be supportive to my kids. I have tried for a long time to be my kids rock. But my d just pushed back on me. What should I be doing then? I am so lost.
I am really trying to be understanding to my kids feelings. I know I had made mistakes in the past and I am working hard not to make those mistakes again with my kids. But at what point does my life move on?