I haven’t read all those books. Not a fan of mans search for meaning but I’m only halfway through it. I’ve skimmed the mindfulness one and it seems good. Have not read the wise heart. The daily stoic is good for a daily dose of anything. Love awareness and the power of now.
S19 and I were talking last night and he said home ownership is overrated. He then came back with he tells himself this to feel better about the part where wages haven't kept up with the cost of living.
I do this with H. I bring up bad memories of how he is a bad husband/father. I wonder if my memories are tainted are if they are true. Latest thought was the only interest he's ever had with the kids (or me) if it's something he's cares about. S19 has aspergers and doesn't talk much so when S19 gets chatty he gets my full attention. This bothered H because it always seemed to happen at night (10pm). I'd think but it's Friday night can't you just sleep in or take a nap tomorrow? Why aren't you hanging on every word this kid says?
I had a really good marriage, at least from my perspective, until the OM came along. We both did some things really well and we both could've done some things a lot better. My ex-wife was less attentive to my sons than I was, but she was generally a good mom. Regardless, I wouldn't have her back; too much damage was done.
I had a really good marriage, at least from my perspective, until the OM came along. We both did some things really well and we both could've done some things a lot better. My ex-wife was less attentive to my sons than I was, but she was generally a good mom. Regardless, I wouldn't have her back; too much damage was done.
My H is an avoidant who thinks happiness is obtained by outside circumstances. We married young, I was in love, so in love, codependent, and I just kept chasing. Our R was fiery, passionate but dysfunctional. I think the sex is what kept us together for so long. It sickens me to think he found a better replacement but I try really hard not to think about that.
I won't take him back either. Too risky. If he left once what's to stop him from leaving again?
It sickens me to think he found a better replacement but I try really hard not to think about that.
I won't take him back either. Too risky. If he left once what's to stop him from leaving again?
I know you are early in this process, kas. I know you are angry, hurting, upset, disappointed, desperately worried about your future. But, you HAVE to stop worrying about what he is doing. Found a better replacement? NOT LIKELY. Found someone different? Yes, clearly. That doesn't mean she is better than or more than or anything else. She is just different. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but my heart just hurts for you and you just sound so terribly defeated with those comments and I hate that for you. You have to figure out how to build yourself up, not beat yourself down. He left by his choice and you have said before he relies on external things for happiness. Is that really who you want to be with? He is happy on a whim if the sky is blue or he could a shiny new toy or whatever. I don't know you, obviously, and really don't even know your story as well as some others likely do, but you seem like a woman who put her heart and soul into her marriage and her family. Now it is your turn to focus some of that on you and the rest on your kids and leave that worthless so-called man in the dust. You deserve a better life and comparing yours to his is NOT going to get you there.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
My head hurts, have a knot in my back, just got yelled at by a customer, I'm buried at work, my boss isn't happy and I'm worried about how I'm going to support myself.
Took tylenol (holding off on the anti anxiety meds), customer is an angry Lawyer so what else would I expect, I love my job and I'll trust the D process. My lifestyle will drop a lot but I won't be homeless.
I'm in the south and the lawyer is from more south than I am. He sounds just like the lawyer from the Bee movie. That part is funny.
See, I knew I liked you for a reason. I'm from the south too, so we southern girls have to stick together, right? I told bttrfly on her post recently that one thing I do when I am feeling down or negative or beaten (emotionally) is I list things in my life I'm grateful for. Honestly, some days I struggle with that and I have to write down things like "I woke up alive today." or "I'm breathing." But then there are days when I get to be grateful for so much more. I don't even necessarily write it all down. Somedays I just make a little mental checklist. Some days I don't do it at all, but I find when I start my day doing it, I feel better and more positive.
I know you are in a rough place right now...trust me. Been there, done that. But it WILL get better.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Today I'm taking a road trip to a nationally known southern college town to go to Goodwill of all places. I got D17 into thrift stores years ago but she has a gift. She can walk into a thrift store and 10 minutes later walk out with a cashmere sweater. She needs a prom dress and refuses to buy one in a real store. She's already gotten 5 but they lack the wow factor so we're back at it.
I have a lot to be grateful for I get stuck on thinking H won. He didn't of course because you're right he's incapable of real lasting joy. I am happy sitting on the couch brushing D14's hair. H is the exact opposite.
I still miss my life though. I'm upset that by outward appearances his life improved. He's living it up while I take care of the kids. He will retire and I'll have to work until I'm 75. Financially he will take a hit for a couple of years but he will bounce back.
D17 cares so much about the world. She loathes people who bash people for just being who they are. This is why she doesn't like H because this is exactly what he does. One of the reasons she prefers thrift stores is because she's against sweat shops and is disgusted by fast fashion. She's nothing like me yet she says we are the same person. She sees me in a much better light than I do. Her only complaint is of course my negativity. She has the same feelings I do she just prefers not to discuss them. Says it doesn't help and well that is true isn't it?
