Thanks BenB

[Mumin]

Hi LH19, thanks for your reply and very good question!
I guess my reasoning was/is to understand why she is removing all parts of me (AND THE KIDS?) from her profile.
Do not see the point really though. Or what I would achieve. So thanks again for your question!

On my change curve I believe I am somewhere in between resistance (2nd) and understanding (3rd) denial phase is at it's end, but still not finished (I believe).
Moving on to engagement (4th) will probably take some time.

But like my previous message said I will never understand the reasoning of a WW and how INCREDIBLY insensitive they can be.

[LH19]

M,

I’m going to disagree with you. I think you’re still in denial.

[AnotherStander]

M, there was a lot of blaming in your convo with her. See below strikes. Obviously you can't change the previous convo but maybe this will help you see how you should talk to her in the future. Be brief and to the point. No blaming, no emotions. Handle it like a business discussion.

W - Last time you said your going to live in the house.
Me - Yes thats what I have decided is best for me. It is my home. Cant live with brother. It is what I need right now. This is my home.
W - Yes I know it is your home! This changes things so much...
W - It is not common in a separation to live together.
Me - I don't know. There is such a thing as "in house separation"
W- Maybe I will want to get my own place while you live in the house then.

...

Me - You seem to have moved on. You don't always live with your sister. You havn't met me at all in this.
Mentioned she has been emotionally and probably physically unfaithful. You have to do what you feel is right for you.

Started talking about future and she said you have to buy my share. I said I dont know if I can afford it. Either I buy your share or we sell and each get a new place.

Me -This is your decision and the way you have acted I can't see how we would share a second apartment and handle this all together. So the way I see it, now you are responsible for yours and I am responsible for mine.
W - Well ok then. (And she walked off with heavy steps)

Will I be paying for them? Oh H3LL NO!!!
like you said I will be adding this to the list of what she owes me.

So you did pay for them. Otherwise she wouldn't "owe" you would she. Have you consulted with a lawyer? If not then do so ASAP. You've got to start protecting yourself from her wild spending. It could get much worse. For her to get a boob job at a time like this is a crystal clear indication that she does not have sound judgment right now.

[ovrrnbw]

Mumin,

do not ask her about it. She doesn't want to be with you. Accept it, hear what she is saying, and live like it. And quit creeping on her social media.

This really really HURTS! frown

Only if you let it.
(I'm quoting R2C here)

Also quit floating her bills. If she can't come up with her part of a bill I wouldn't pay it. You basically financed fake boobs for OM to play with and are taking care of the interest. H3ll to the naw.

The fake boobs were "more than she thought they would be"? You should have told her "tough ti*tties".

[hoosjim]

The fake boobs were "more than she thought they would be"? You should have told her "tough t*tties".

^^^Just laughed coffee out my nose.

[Mumin]

M, there was a lot of blaming in your convo with her. See below strikes. Obviously you can't change the previous convo but maybe this will help you see how you should talk to her in the future. Be brief and to the point. No blaming, no emotions. Handle it like a business discussion.

W - Last time you said your going to live in the house.
Me - Yes thats what I have decided is best for me. It is my home. Cant live with brother. It is what I need right now. This is my home.
W - Yes I know it is your home! This changes things so much...
W - It is not common in a separation to live together.
Me - I don't know. There is such a thing as "in house separation"
W- Maybe I will want to get my own place while you live in the house then.

...

Me - You seem to have moved on. You don't always live with your sister. You havn't met me at all in this.
Mentioned she has been emotionally and probably physically unfaithful. You have to do what you feel is right for you.

Started talking about future and she said you have to buy my share. I said I dont know if I can afford it. Either I buy your share or we sell and each get a new place.

Me -This is your decision and the way you have acted I can't see how we would share a second apartment and handle this all together. So the way I see it, now you are responsible for yours and I am responsible for mine.
W - Well ok then. (And she walked off with heavy steps)

Will I be paying for them? Oh H3LL NO!!!
like you said I will be adding this to the list of what she owes me.

So you did pay for them. Otherwise she wouldn't "owe" you would she. Have you consulted with a lawyer? If not then do so ASAP. You've got to start protecting yourself from her wild spending. It could get much worse. For her to get a boob job at a time like this is a crystal clear indication that she does not have sound judgment right now.

Thanks a lot for pointing out my blaming AS!

[Mumin]

Also quit floating her bills. If she can't come up with her part of a bill I wouldn't pay it. You basically financed fake boobs for OM to play with and are taking care of the interest. Hell to the naw.

The fake boobs were "more than she thought they would be"? You should have told her "tough t*tties".

Both correct and funny!
I did basically part-finance them with the monthly payments.
Will tell her I expect her to transfer same date every month from now on.
Also seeing my friend who is a lawyer tomorrow.

To the update:
Last night I was home late after work (her time to have the kids but I am still staying in the house).
I walked around fixing things in the house and mentioned I would be getting up early to go to gym.
I could tell she wanted to talk.

W- Dont you think this feels really weird? Us living together
Me- No, not really.
W- Feels like I'm walking around in your house.
Me- Equally much your house

She said she was going to bed but after some wandering sat down on the floor.
Could tell that she wanted to say something and saw she was sad.
I just stood next to her and looked at her for maybe 5 minutes (no one said a thing).
Eventually I say. I can listen.
W- I dont really have anything to say.
I also sit down on the floor.
5 more minutes pass without a word.

W- Its like I never stop and feel.
Me- No. But you will need to eventually.

W- Everyone thinks I don't care. And maybe that just best.
Me-Then you will be alone
W- Maybe thats the best.
Me- You have to do decide what you want/need. But you don't have to be alone.
W (crying a bit)- I'm going to be alone in some small crappy apartment. I'm stupid.
Me- That's your choice

She cries a bit and what felt like an eternity passed.

W- Do you exercise a lot now?
Me- Havnt done as much as I want but at least 3 times a week.
Me- Do you want to say anything else? Otherwise I will read now.
W-No. Went to toilet.
W came back and looked/starred at me with the "please help me" look, but she didn't say anything.
So after a minute I just said. Good night.
She laughed a bit and said good night and went to bed.

Feels like some progress on my part and maybe on hers too.
She's not at home tonight though (my day with the kids) and I am almost certain she is with OM.

[hoosjim]

Both correct and funny!
I did basically part-finance them with the monthly payments.
Will tell her I expect her to transfer same date every month from now on.
Also seeing my friend who is a lawyer tomorrow.

Just whose boobs are these, anyway?!? If she has a credit card in her name that balance should be transferred to such a card or to some other account in her name ASAP. It is none of your concern and none of your worry, now. I guess you could just stop paying... what would they do, repossess the merchandise?

I don't like this R talk you had with her last night. As long as she is embroiled with this OM, you shouldn't have the time of day for her. You can be pleasant but curt in your responses, but no way should you be having the type of deep, probing, relation-y talks like you just described.

[AnotherStander]

M, have you read much on validation? Maybe go back to your very first thread and read through the links again that Cadet posted. There is zero, and I mean ZERO validation in your responses to W in that last post.

[Mumin]

Just came home, will write and answer more when I find time and space.
W saw me approaching the house and went in to th MBR talking on the phone and I think she was talking to OM..
I think I might have to set some sort of a boundary here. Feels like a slap in the face.

Short update:
She has paid most of the money she owed me back.
I have a realtor coming to look at the house on Tuesday. (havnt told W yet but I will)
Oh, and AS I did validate some (should definitely have been more) but I didn't type out the whole convo.
Will read the validation sheet again now before bed.