I think Andrew stated a few pages back that S and her son would move in after school lets out at the end of the school year. Right now, they come over to visit and "play house" periodically on the weekend. I can only "assume" that Andrew thought it would be nice to have S and her son there for Valentine's Day and also the weekend, whereby his home is larger than her place and he could take care of her and watch over the son.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It seem irrational and premature to go so far so fast. Many things don' t make sense to me here. There has got to be more to it.. ????
My question: Are you looking for a reaction from the ladies? You bring up your ex-w often with a " not my circus " and "the cheese". You look at B' s fb regularly to see if she has blocked you again. S does not spread the news of your relationship to her family ( probably because SHE IS MARRIED) so you post a PICTURE OF THE BOTH OF YOU on fb with a happy valentine to my sweety.
I don' t get it. I don' t like it. I don' t think it is right.
ETB, have you missed the part where she was separated from her husband for five years? Or the fact that she threw her back out and is at his place this weekend so he can take care of her while she’s incapacitated?
I don’t have a problem with any of that. Just be careful about posting publicly though Andrew - I’d still be worried about it riling up her ex so he makes the divorce more difficult on her.
Thanks kml. S also posted something independently and I have her STBX blocked. With that said, the odds are low that he's not fully aware of what is going on for quite a while, but there is no need to poke the bear.
S is doing better. She still needs a bit of help to dress but was up to some moderate kitchen dancing to a favourite Etta James tune. I took her S13 to his BBall practice which was odd to watch. He's close to 2 feet shorter than the taller players but has lots of enthusiasm and hustle. I made sure to let him know that I thought he did great. He may be going to his Dad's for much of the weekend. Since I've been under the weather with this darned cold myself, the extra caring has been a lot. It's not as if I have super powers like a Mom does
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
So I asked S and yes she got a text from her STBX after her separate Valentines Day post on social media. Some random questions - "is this the guy you've been dating", "is he local". Fairly random stuff.
Each day she's doing better. We're hoping that today she'll be up for an outside expedition to the cafe around the corner for soup for lunch. I did make a big pot of butternut squash soup and grilled cheese for our dinner last night. I think she's feeling a bit spoiled. S and I are going to collaboratively make a lasagna for Sunday Supper tonight.
I'm feeling almost myself again. Still a bit of a cough and minor congestion. I'm planning on doing a lot of cleaning in the next few days - I've not had much time for it lately and let some things slip. I'm also planning on a couple of longer solo walks around the village. S has volunteered to assist with the dusting which is perhaps all that she would be up for. We are both looking forward to her back feeling better and last night she explained to me in some detail what she had in mind when that happens. I "really" want her back to feel better now She'll probably go back to her apartment sometime tomorrow.
One of the several positive things about S being around and my being under the weather is that with no beer and eating healthy that I've pretty much lost the weight I put on over Christmas.
We had a talk about how we'll be managing finances. I'm much more of a detail and long term planner sort than S is. Understandable in many ways since for most of her adult life she's gone cheque to cheque and had to juggle and make decisions in the moment. A life I understand well. My assortment of charts, graphs and spreadsheets baffle her.
Because of the large gap in our incomes we're thinking of a mostly joined financial operation with any assets or debts from previous kept separate. This is pretty much exactly what I had in my married life and for us it worked well. A key thing for both of us is transparency and accountability which we're not sure how we'll get to. I currently use an older version of software called YNAB which I'd like her to use too when we get to that point. She currently does her finances in a spiral notebook in pen and paper with various stroking out and adjusting as she works through the month. An old-fashioned system that does work. She had a lot of issues in her past marriages on not having any access or control over the finances and then bills not being paid, the heat being turned off with small kids in the house or money just suddenly vanishing. I tend to believe those stories especially having met XH#2 What method we actually end up using to manage the budget and communicate planned and actual spending is still up in the air.
Her D17 showed up very early morning yesterday with her dog being dropped off by her boyfriend and crashed here for much of the day until her BF got off work. They took S13 out to their Dad's for a couple of days so no kids underfoot at present. I had a talk to S about D17's boyfriend. He gives me an odd vibe. Just sort of creepy. He's been with D17 for perhaps 3 years or so and they've more or less lived together for well over a year. They were in S's apartment until they had enough of "the rules" and moved in with his mother which lasted less than a month and they were back with a dog in tow. That lasted for a couple of months until S's landlord put her foot down about the extra dog and then they moved out. BF back in with his mother, D17 and the dog in with S's STBX (everyone's bingo card up to date?). The BF spends most days there. Their "host" agreed to D17 and the dog as a "room-mate" setup and because as S points out, despite his flaws he's a generally decent guy who is genuinely fond of the kids even if in recent years hasn't been an active part of their lives. The addition of BF, another car and another friend who needed a place to crash has undoubtedly upset his rather ordered life. It seems that in the last week or so he's been more than usually grumpy. D17 has a couple of backup plans available none of which involve me if her housing needs to shift again.
The BF is very quiet, has little to say. Spends most of his time wrapped around D17. Works a "teenager" job at a coffee shop despite being 19 and out of school. Doesn't have to pay rent so is presumably happy with the pay scale. No solid plans but thinks maybe someday going to bartender school.
D17 is planning on going to some sort of acting / drama school in the fall. She picks up some work as an actor and model fairly regularly for the last couple of years which as a pretty, young white girl is actually fairly tough so I've been told. She recently was in a Netflix Christmas movie and even had a couple of lines. Some of her recent work is in stock photography where she looks like a stereotypical student. She works part time at an auto-assembly plant too.
BF just assumes the hospitality and fridge contents of wherever he happens to be. I was shocked yesterday when I turned around and he was just walking in to my house without knocking or even saying hello to me as I stood in the kitchen. According to reports they argue quite a lot, especially about BF's tendency to make plans including big ones without talking to D17. S expects this to fizzle out / explode out by the summer when they each go their own ways for school - or we presume they will. I did make it clear and S agreed that we are not adopting their dog if it gets abandoned when this happens. We just don't have the time or energy for this moderately sized and very active dog. Unsurprisingly, S has a backup plan which should work if it needs to be triggered so that the pup will be properly loved and cared for.
I've reached out to 20S about her stuff in the house and let her know that we're going to be doing some re-decorating soon and that her stuff needs to be moved. She gave a non-commital answer. She's going through some rather difficult things herself which may mean that she'll actually "need" this stuff and said that she'll call me to talk in the next day or so. We'll see.
Well - enough for now. I hope everyone has a great Family Day / President's Day / Whatever weekend.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I'm glad that you and S are on the mend...but I'm not shocked at all by the way your house has become a revolving door for S's family this early on. As for her daughter's BF, I hope you addressed the issue w/him about coming into your home w/o knocking and waiting for someone to answer the door. If you didn't, don't be surprised one day to come downstairs and he will be in your refrigerator looking for something to fix for breakfast. It is important to set your boundaries now before the S and S13 moves in after school ends.
I mentioned to you several pages back not to be afraid to say "no". Well, as I see it, you definitely need to set some strong boundaries about her "older" children just dropping in and staying most of the day w/o checking to see if it is okay and especially that BF. It's okay to rock this boat...they need to learn some respect for others privacy as well a to respect the home of someone who isn't married to their mother as yet. They have been testing you for quite some time and think that you are an old softie and that they will be able to walk all over you. I hope I'm wrong about that...but it is time to nip it in the bud.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Happy whatever day to you as well. Ok technically it is tomorrow. I would have rather my province went along with a Family Day, but apparently the ruling government doesn’t need my signature or okey dokey to do stuff. But any day off with pay is a good day - call it whatever you want. Yippee!
I agree with job about BF and the others. No need to rewrite what she eloquently stated.
I do think a firm approach to BF is required. It’s one thing for soon to be family, but BF is something else. I would be pretty shocked if my daughter’s BF just walked in and opened my fridge. Of course BFs and GFs do elevate to “family-like” status in time, case in point S21’s GF is like a daughter to me.
I think what really shocked me about BF is the no greeting. My kids and their GFs/BFs all say hello when they enter. To do otherwise is rude and disrespectful.
Originally Posted by AndrewP
Some random questions - "is this the guy you've been dating", "is he local". Fairly random stuff.
There is nothing random about those texted questions. STBXH is purposefully querying and poking around for information.
You and S can treat it as inconsequential, as it well may be; but it’s not random. Which leads to the question of why is he asking? Maybe he’s just curious.
I hope S’s back is back in shape soon. I think your innuendo laced metaphorical pros won’t suffice much longer.
Lol - back is back, sounds like an AC/DC song. Admit it, you just sang that.
Your back is back Let’s hit the sack I’m so glad you saw the chiropract Yes, I’m in the mood To get n#de So let’s get fooling around Been looking at the sky And it’s making me cry Waiting so long thought I was gonna die This man Has a plan To rock this house in upper lower middle Kanukistan
Gosh, I best knock before entering.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
We had a talk about how we'll be managing finances. I'm much more of a detail and long term planner sort than S is. Understandable in many ways since for most of her adult life she's gone cheque to cheque and had to juggle and make decisions in the moment. A life I understand well. My assortment of charts, graphs and spreadsheets baffle her.
Because of the large gap in our incomes we're thinking of a mostly joined financial operation with any assets or debts from previous kept separate. This is pretty much exactly what I had in my married life and for us it worked well. A key thing for both of us is transparency and accountability which we're not sure how we'll get to. I currently use an older version of software called YNAB which I'd like her to use too when we get to that point. She currently does her finances in a spiral notebook in pen and paper with various stroking out and adjusting as she works through the month. An old-fashioned system that does work. She had a lot of issues in her past marriages on not having any access or control over the finances and then bills not being paid, the heat being turned off with small kids in the house or money just suddenly vanishing. I tend to believe those stories especially having met XH#2 What method we actually end up using to manage the budget and communicate planned and actual spending is still up in the air.
Her D17 showed up very early morning yesterday with her dog being dropped off by her boyfriend and crashed here for much of the day until her BF got off work. They took S13 out to their Dad's for a couple of days so no kids underfoot at present. I had a talk to S about D17's boyfriend. He gives me an odd vibe. Just sort of creepy. He's been with D17 for perhaps 3 years or so and they've more or less lived together for well over a year. They were in S's apartment until they had enough of "the rules" and moved in with his mother which lasted less than a month and they were back with a dog in tow. That lasted for a couple of months until S's landlord put her foot down about the extra dog and then they moved out. BF back in with his mother, D17 and the dog in with S's STBX (everyone's bingo card up to date?). The BF spends most days there. Their "host" agreed to D17 and the dog as a "room-mate" setup and because as S points out, despite his flaws he's a generally decent guy who is genuinely fond of the kids even if in recent years hasn't been an active part of their lives. The addition of BF, another car and another friend who needed a place to crash has undoubtedly upset his rather ordered life. It seems that in the last week or so he's been more than usually grumpy. D17 has a couple of backup plans available none of which involve me if her housing needs to shift again.
The BF is very quiet, has little to say. Spends most of his time wrapped around D17. Works a "teenager" job at a coffee shop despite being 19 and out of school. Doesn't have to pay rent so is presumably happy with the pay scale. No solid plans but thinks maybe someday going to bartender school.
D17 is planning on going to some sort of acting / drama school in the fall. She picks up some work as an actor and model fairly regularly for the last couple of years which as a pretty, young white girl is actually fairly tough so I've been told. She recently was in a Netflix Christmas movie and even had a couple of lines. Some of her recent work is in stock photography where she looks like a stereotypical student. She works part time at an auto-assembly plant too.
BF just assumes the hospitality and fridge contents of wherever he happens to be. I was shocked yesterday when I turned around and he was just walking in to my house without knocking or even saying hello to me as I stood in the kitchen. According to reports they argue quite a lot, especially about BF's tendency to make plans including big ones without talking to D17. S expects this to fizzle out / explode out by the summer when they each go their own ways for school - or we presume they will. I did make it clear and S agreed that we are not adopting their dog if it gets abandoned when this happens. We just don't have the time or energy for this moderately sized and very active dog. Unsurprisingly, S has a backup plan which should work if it needs to be triggered so that the pup will be properly loved and cared for.
I've reached out to 20S about her stuff in the house and let her know that we're going to be doing some re-decorating soon and that her stuff needs to be moved. She gave a non-commital answer. She's going through some rather difficult things herself which may mean that she'll actually "need" this stuff and said that she'll call me to talk in the next day or so. We'll see.
Reading your post reminded me of the Metallica lyrics, "The soothing light at the end of the tunnel is just a freight train coming your way."
Reading your post reminded me of the Metallica lyrics, "The soothing light at the end of the tunnel is just a freight train coming your way."
That's why I keep posting - to get perspective.
I'm surprised you're not packing your kit bag to go to Croatia with DV on her catamaran.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
She'll probably go back to her apartment sometime tomorrow.
But any day off with pay is a good day - call it whatever you want. Yippee!