Yay! Wishing us both joyful days. It's impressive you didn't let his V-Day antics affect you more.
I have impressed myself with how I have dealt with H's V Day antics!!! I have not spoken to or seen him since Friday morning and I am not even worried because he stays out so much now. This is the kind of behavior I expect from him now.
I think the second DB this week was the final straw. It was a wake-up call that made me realize that if I did not take some kind of control, I was going to become a complete emotional mess. I have got to stay strong for my children and be prepared to move forward without H.
My IC has been very instrumental in helping me get to this point. She has asked me to articulate exactly what I am losing if I lose the M. When I really started thinking about it, it was very difficult to articulate the good memories. H, even before this crisis, had a lot of faults. I did too but the problem is H always refused counseling even when we had major marital issues like his previous infidelity, his alcohol-related troubles, and his financial irresponsibility. I was always willing to work on my issues (SSM, irritability at H's unwillingness to do chores or help more with the kids, etc.) and to go to counseling, but he would refuse each time I offered. We did not have the tools to fix anything and eventually we both became bitter, then came BD.
I just realize now that H is an alien and I expected him to be out with his AP for Valentine's Day. I mentally prepared myself for the worst, expecting zero from him. I expect him to act like the sorry H he has become and nothing more. If he had come home, he would have greatly exceeded my expectations. Going forward, I expect nothing but the worst from him. This way, it will be less likely to feel disappointed.
Last edited by HesAble; 02/16/2002:29 AM.
H and Me - Both 45; S13 and D9 BD - 11/2019 Married 14 years; Together 20 years
GAL activities for the weekend: spent time with an old friend I hadn't spoken to in many years. We talked for hours and laughed so hard until tears rolled down my cheeks and my tummy ached. It was such a blast! I have not laughed that hard in many, many months! So happy to have rekindled that friendship and I plan to rekindle many more in the days to come.
I have planned a trip to see some old friends soon. Something to look forward to!
Hope you all are enjoying your GAL activities this three-day weekend!
H and Me - Both 45; S13 and D9 BD - 11/2019 Married 14 years; Together 20 years
HesAble I'm glad you're not going to let him drag you along for the ride any more. It's a really good place to be in. I'm also super happy to hear about the meeting with old friends. I've been reconnecting with people and it's been a huge help to how I feel and how I deal. It's nice to see you this positive.
One thing H did when we married was discourage me from continuing many of my good friendships. He always seemed to find something wrong with my friends. I am not sure if he was trying to isolate me or what. Not spending time with some of my best friends was part of how I lost my true self over time. All I know is now is my time to rekindle those friendships and have some fun!
Last edited by HesAble; 02/17/2006:24 PM.
H and Me - Both 45; S13 and D9 BD - 11/2019 Married 14 years; Together 20 years
One thing H did when we married was discourage me from continuing many of my good friendships. He always seemed to find something wrong with my friends. I am not sure if he was trying to isolate me or what. Not spending time with some of my best friends was part of how I lost my true self over time. All I know is now is my time to rekindle those friendships and have some fun!
-standing ovation-
This is awesome. This is what all of the current LBWs should be doing.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
This has been the most effective way to GAL that I have tried! I highly recommend it!
And for everyone who encouraged me when I was an emotional crying mess, thank you! You were right when you said it would get better. I could not believe it then but I am seeing it now.
H and Me - Both 45; S13 and D9 BD - 11/2019 Married 14 years; Together 20 years
Hesable!! I’m so happy to see that you’re doing better. Yes, rekindled friendships are definitely the best side effects of this mess....lol!!
Originally Posted by HesAble
Going forward, I expect nothing but the worst from him. This way, it will be less likely to feel disappointed.
That is still expectation. And it may leave you unprepared for his nicety when it happens. Imagine yourself swimming in the ocean. The tide comes in and out but either way you keep enjoying swimming in it without getting pulled too much either way.
Going forward, I expect nothing but the worst from him. This way, it will be less likely to feel disappointed.
That is still expectation. And it may leave you unprepared for his nicety when it happens. Imagine yourself swimming in the ocean. The tide comes in and out but either way you keep enjoying swimming in it without getting pulled too much either way.
I hadn't thought about it this way. So basically I should be detached to the point that I don't care one way or another what he is doing at all? Whether it is nice or mean? Better or worse? Ok, that will require a little more work. I just hope I get to the point where I do not care what he is or is not doing. It just makes it harder to do when kids are involved and they are affected. It irks me when he does things that affect them negatively. I am clearly still a work in progress but I have come so far! Proud of myself.
Last edited by HesAble; 02/18/2002:02 PM.
H and Me - Both 45; S13 and D9 BD - 11/2019 Married 14 years; Together 20 years
And some of you may recall that I had started hating weekends after the DB simply because it meant more idle hours at home being aware of H's absence and his antics (after driving the kids around to sports events). Well now that I have these rekindles friendships and am planning to spend time with friends, weekends aren't looking so bad anymore. :-) Baby steps...
Last edited by HesAble; 02/18/2006:06 PM.
H and Me - Both 45; S13 and D9 BD - 11/2019 Married 14 years; Together 20 years
