In the end it wasn't strength that won

[doodler]

I appreciate the care that is part of everyone's commentary and yes - even doodler's somewhat warped sense of humour.

WARPED? I'm not the one that dreamed up your little scheme. I'm just an observer who put the pieces of the repugnant puzzle together and realized what's going on.

Notice that I didn't get in the gritty details. I didn't mention the large vat of hydrochloric acid down at acid plant. And I also know that once the "disappearance" of the hubby was discovered that you and S were planning to point the finger at the hubby's girlfriend. The entire rancid saga can be explained away by a simple alien abduction and the girl ends up in an institutional rubber room.

I also know about Plan B. If the body can't be removed from the premises, then you and S are going to throw a big haggis poutine party. If any of you attend the party, don't eat the haggis.

I'm on to you buster.

[AndrewP]

The HCL is well contained and monitored. If chlorine off-gasses there is a lot of paperwork. Vats are all "bad horror movie" stuff.

I did actually ask friends to watch out for me in the earlier days after bomb day. Middle aged fat guys with known heart disease drop off all the time.

Fortunately all was fine and nobody was or is likely to become the subject of a Netflix documentary narrated by a B actor in a serious voice.

[Dawn70]

I think doodler is missing the obvious here, which is rather unusual since he is so very observant. If I have learned one thing from the countless hours of true crime tv I watch, the 2 things that get women in trouble every time they kill their spouse/partner/boyfriend/lover is 1.) they try to claim the life insurance payout too soon and are rather adamant about it with the insurance company and 2.) they use said money or some other lump sum to go get a boob job. So, I think what we really need to be watching for here is for S (or maybe Andrew....who knows?) to show up with a new rack. THEN we'll know the deed is done. I think that will be an even clearer indication than the invitation to the haggis poutine party. For the record, I tell Sparky all the time that he is safe because I'm satisfied with what the good Lord gave me, but if I ever start doing plastic surgery consults he should think about modifying his behavior in a big hurry.

[exquisitetobe]

Health scare, new gf, feeling vulnerable and here comes wedding bells.

Regardless of the impact it will have on your own kids, ( who advised you to stay away ), S's kids and her marriage.
At least, your ex-w's bf was not married ( but she was )
Sadly, it is a script.

May i ask how is the trust between you and S ?
Do you think she is going in until death ? Is her commitment to you as sincere as her other marriages?
Remember how justification of actions played a huge part our stories? Our ex's justifying their actions by tearing us apart? Isn' t it what S is doing to her husband? You are her next victim.
Along with 7 children.

[kml]

I’m not so strict about a divorce needing to be finalized before dating - some divorces can take a very long time- but I do think an engagement when a divorce isn’t finalized could stir up her ex and make her divorce more difficult.

I do think it’s important that the relationship with the spouse is well and truly over - otherwise you run the risk that they’ll reconcile.

I dated just a couple months after my ex left and filed. bBUT - is been through years of DBing, reconciliation, his MLC, and frankly, once he filed I knew I would never take him back under any circumstances. I had peace in my heart that I had done everything possible to try to save my marriage, and that as a three time offender, I would never trust him again.

My divorce wasn’t finalized until a year and a half later but my marriage was well and truly dead. I think S’s marriage sounds well and truly dead too - in HER mind. But given her STBXs state of mind, discretion about announcing an engagement seems wise.

[doodler]

So, I think what we really need to be watching for here is for S (or maybe Andrew....who knows?) to show up with a new rack.

Picture this: Andrew shows up at the beach this summer with two huge hairy man-boobs and a thong whilst chowing-down on a bucket of haggis poutine. Livin' the life...

[Dawn70]

Dawn - the water park is a lot of fun. Certainly aimed at families with pre-teens. Everything is well thought out and the staff are fabulous (just got a second cup of coffee). The rides are well engineered although there are a "lot" of stairs to get to the top. Little to my surprise despite scary rides and some fairly lengthy swims (I'm not a strong swimmer), my angina isn't giving me any issue at all. I would certainly recommend this place. The only real issue is being in a room with late night people as an early riser That and angsty teenagers.

Thanks, Andrew! Sparky and I have it on the radar as a grandkid trip. If we do it soon, it would likely just be us and the 2 older ones but if we wait a couple of years we could include the 2 littler guys so we will see what happens. It may take us awhile to save up the money. Seems a bit spendy but definitely something we can plan, budget and save for.

[JujuB]

Wishing you the best of luck Andrew.

I think that with love and relationships there is no real recipe or predictive factor for success. As much as we want to think that if we follow a formula - we will be safe - that’s not always the case. I know people that were married after knowing each other 3 months and are still together 15 years later. Me personally- I dated my ex husband 3 years - moved in to make sure we got a along for another 3.5 years, waited over a year to get married. And you know my story. My waiting and caution resulted in me giving up my youth and being only able to have 1 child.

Just as people can be too impulsive, others can be too cautious - which can be just as bad. Some people wait too long or fear too much and end up alone. Being alone is not a bad thing for everyone, but some people want partnership and that involves risk.

So that being said, - what was the reason why you decided to propose now? Do you feel like she’s your soul mate? Can’t live without her? What made you feel like you just wanted to do this now? I feel like in the “old country” this would not have been such a crazy idea. Spouses died and the other spouse remarried because survival was easier that way. What’s motivating you though in newer times?

[AndrewP]

Thanks JuJu

Your question to me has multiple layers.

While I was / am fairly content with the single life, I prefer being partnered.

I could only live with, or even sleep with someone who I didn't love and to whom I had a commitment of fidelity.

I am a believer in the institution of marriage as well and feel that if you are going to share your life with them that that larger commitment is necessary. I know many people who are happy without it, but I'm not one of them.

I am absolutely not a believer in the concept of a soul mate or even in many ways in destiny. I believe that the future is shaped by our own hands. If S hadn't come along when she did, we may well be discussing another lady. I am confident that S and I can make this work. It will take effort but anything worth having does. To me, there is no purpose in searching for a mythical perfect match when someone who is compatable and is willing to put in the effort is right in front of me.

This is a huge risk, especially for S. She's been badly burned before and has the security of her kids to consider. My proposal was in part to let her know that I am fully invested in making this work.

So this was all stirring around for some time when I realized suddenly that there was no valid reason to not ask her. So I did.

S probably would have accepted cohabitation without the commitment of marriage as would have I if she didn't want it, but the fact that we both are willing to put our futures on the line (yes there will be a prenup) gives me hope for a long and happy future.

[Rose888]

The reason you proposed to a married woman is because you are “a believer in the institution of marriage”?

Can you see how contradictory this statement is?

In the past year, you’ve had serious relationships with two married women. You haven’t dated any single women. How would your behavior be different if you didn’t value marriage?