Quotes Found on DivorceBusting (10)

[Ready2Change]

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2884361#Post2884361

If I stay in the house......I can't see any path to reconciliation.

The aerial view is clearer than the ground view, but even from up here it is hard to tell if such a path exists. This is why you forge your own path using you brain and heart to do what is right, to be strong, to be patient, and to learn and grow.

[Ready2Change]

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2884375#Post2884375

GAINING RESPECT

These sitches are not easy. DBing is tough. Detachment is hard. That is why we call it a process. Just keep working at it.

But please do not let her talk to you that way. "Are you white trash?" respond with "I refuse to discuss anything with you when you are being disrespectful."

[Ready2Change]

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2880732#Post2880732

Keep Sitch Private

This is really tough to go through and I’m trying not to take all my friends and family through it so i appreciate you taking time to write.

yeah, I can understand that. In my sitch I told no one. There are good reasons for not sharing everything with people, especially if R is ever a possibility. Telling everyone how horrible she is, then trying to get them to accept her again if you get back together becomes problematic.

[Ready2Change]

Discipline is doing what you know you should do when you don't want to do it.

[SteveLW]

Discipline is doing what you know you should do when you don't want to do it.

This!

[Ready2Change]

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2884973#Post2884973

It’s not about my happiness all the time, sometimes it’s about doing what’s right. I read a quote the other day and it just keeps playing out in my head. The quote I read was, “Don’t do what’s easy, do what’s right.” I wish I would have done that early on in my situation when a lot of you were telling me what I should have done, but I didn’t because my way was the easy way not the right way.

[Ready2Change]

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2885073#Post2885073

Oh boy. Such a familiar story.

You've got a lot of reading and learning to do. Your husband is rewriting history to justify to himself what he is doing. Common. Mine did that too. I think they all do.

Your first move is to stay calm. Don't take any of what he said personally. Don't demean yourself by begging, pleading or trying to reason with him. If he wants to file for divorce, tell him you disagree but will not stop him, but are not going to do anything to help. And drag it out as long as you can. Get an attorney and tell the attorney you want him/her to slow walk and delay everything. Then you start your divorcebusting (get the book). Especially read about the Last Resort Technique. The more you can follow those steps precisely the better you will do.

Really, stay calm. I just went through this ordeal myself and I won. Mine was pretty gone too at BD but time has a way of turning things around.

There's one thing I heard over and over: "people don't leave what they have unless they think what they're going to is better." Most of the time, "better" is a fantasy. Half the battle is to wait out the fantasy.

[Ready2Change]

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2885234#Post2885234

BE AWARE THERE MAY BE OTHER REASONS THAN WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD

You need to brace yourself for the other shoe to drop: There is a strong possibility of another woman. Be prepared. AnotherStander is a very wise poster here and he says there are two kinds of sitches: those that involve another person, and those that haven't found out yet that there is another person.

I do not tell you this to freak you out, but to prepare you. We've seen many DBers that do a great job at starting to DB well, and then let it all go by the wayside the minute they find out there is an A.

A or no A, your job is the same. Give him time and space. Focus on you. Go out and GAL. 180 on any bad behavior. And work on detachment.

Buckle in, this is a marathon, not a sprint.

[Ready2Change]

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2885258#Post2885258

The OP has already said there are inappropriate text messages and she believes there's an EA on the table. EA's are dangerous things just as MWD explains in her books. People leave marriages over the fantasy they promise. My husband was a leader in the community. He was a leader at church. A family man. I was floored that he was capable of having an affair (I was naive). Looking back, the signs were everywhere. But I didn't know what to look for, and didn't see anything.

In my opinion, I wish someone would have been as brutally honest with me at the beginning. I didn't have a place like this. So instead, I made excuses for his behavior and wanted to believe it wasn't a long term A or that he didn't really love her, and accepted him rewriting history and placing the blame on me. What I would have given for someone to open my eyes to reality. To show me the patterns. I would advise the OP to take Steve's advice and if it is wrong and there is no OW, then fantastic! That's a relief.

Preparation is a gift.

[Ready2Change]

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2885274#Post2885274

Steve said the same thing to me-- brace yourself for a PA. I thought, no way, 99.9% it is not a PA. And then... surprise! it was.

Honestly, I was and am very grateful to Steve and others on this board for helping prepare me for the other shoe to drop. Dovegirl, even if it isn't a PA, I do think it is helpful to be prepared. And once you start thinking about the possibility, I think it can also help with detaching and focusing on you.

Steve is right, pretty much every situation involves a PA, EA or IA. In the absence of a physical or emotional affair, there's inevitably an imaginary one and those are the most difficult of all to compete with because the affair can be whatever fantasy the WAS wants to imagine. I can't remember who the poster was but there was a guy here whose wife was engaged in an IA with a celebrity. She actually planned to move closer to him and was trying to engineer ways to get herself in front of him thinking they were soulmates and he would immediately swoon if only he could see her!

I was one of the many here who was convinced there was no OP. Then I had to take some mail over to W's place and swung by at 6am before work to put them in her mailbox and there was a truck in the drive belonging to a "close friend" (someone I knew) she worked with. Yeah.