Trials and tribulations of dating 2

[doodler]

He legit likes me. And I like him. And that’s all it is now. But yes, my attraction is growing

Those are Andrew's last words (change the gender of course). Now he's referring to S as the "old ball and chain." Are you Andrew's protégé?

[DonH]

It was my second date, guys. And I said I would not invite him in for sexy time.

Actuallly that’s not what you said! Here is what you said, word for word.

I’m letting him pick me up at my house because it’s too weird to go to 2 different places and have to follow each other . But he won’t be invited in after. Not there yet!

Do you even remember what you said? Watch what they say and not what they do... works both ways. I hate to rip this off since it just was, but it feels like Ground Hog Day around here at times. I know I’ve ridden this ride before. Are you even aware what you say and what you do don’t often match up? I’m with Dawn, you’re giving me whiplash. I also worry a bit about bringing a stranger from OLD to your house after only meeting him once.

I too am glad you had a nice date I really am. You deserve it I just see the same old Ginger off to the races again on date #2. This is not the first. Perhaps it’s going to be what it’s going to be and expecting change is foolish on my part. My main point was to show that you didn’t follow what you said even if you think you did. I’m in SLOW DOWN camp, but you already knew that.

[DonH]

He legit likes me. And I like him. And that’s all it is now. But yes, my attraction is growing

Those are Andrew's last words (change the gender of course). Now he's referring to S as the "old ball and chain." Are you Andrew's protégé?

I missed this before posting but ooooh, wow, ouch!!!!! But an interesting question, although I don’t think this guy is still married.

[Ginger1]

I have no idea how this honestly being interpreted. Second date, very nice, shared some nice kisses, clothes on, in living room, I pulled the breaks, we hung out and chatted and he went on his merry way? What I meant was he wouldn’t be invited in for sexy time. And if I felt that it was going to happen, he wouldn’t have come in. But he is very respectful . I knew that when I said no, there would be zero pressure. And I was right.

Am I doing this all wrong because I let him in and we missed for a little while?

I am honestly completely just confused. I don’t know how to slow down anymore.

I didn’t make myself available for the second date. I turned him down. We went out again. He went back to his house and nothing “naughty” went on.

I’m lost. I can’t seem to get this right. It’s quite honestly extremely frustrating.

[Ginger1]

Would think I screwed this guy on the first date, told him I loved him and eloped in Vegas.

[LH19]

G,

To be honest with you I think you did just fine. I would have been ok if you slept with him. That’s what grown ups who are attracted to one another do on second dates.

You did good girl!

[DonH]

I don’t know that you’re doing “it” wrong and am not even saying you are. Just saying what you say and what you do often don’t match and you seem to go from zero to 60 in minutes. Yes you backed off for like a day. He may be a legit great guy but I can tell you it’s less often that typical that a girl snuggles up to me on the second date like we’ve been dating for months but when it does happen I know what I’m thinking - and you even paid for dinner. It’s not wrong it’s just maybe dejavu pegs it when she says you’re a hopeless romantic. And you never seem to have bad dates - until months later that is in hindsight. Just my thought.

This does not negate what appears to be a nice second date just that the jury is way more out than you might already hope. That’s all.

[Ginger1]

Thank you, LH. Quite honestly, I held myself back. As an adult woman with a high drive , it wasn’t easy. But I am trying to get a feel for the kind of guy he is before I do that. Don- you give off that love avoidant vibe. I thought holding hands is just a sweet gesture which I happen to love. And putting my head on his shoulder isn’t crying love either. He was the one who initiated it by the way. Not me. And I thought he was sweet.

And quite honestly, I’ve had bad dates. However, I would say 98% of the guys have had dates with enjoyed their time with me and wanted another. And I hasn’t even kissed half of them. I’m an enjoyable date. What can I say? I had a horrific date when a guy told me while naked that he felt it was all wrong. That was pretty bad. I’ve learned from that.

I paid for dinner on a bet. Which I shouldn’t have made. But he bought the movie and the bottle of wine.

I think I would be at “60” if we had slept together, I was talking about the future and being the aggressor. All of which is not happening. No second date is made, I did not give him my availability, and I’m letting him be the man here.

I am feeling good. My happiness on part comes from actually feeling in control and doing things differently. I’t feels really really good. I am also very levelheaded here. No expectations. Just enjoying the ride

[Ginger1]

For the record, M and I did sleep together on the 3 rd date. And I am pretty sure that did not lead to the demise of our relationship a year later

[Dawn70]

Totally agree with Don. I am truly happy that you had a good day and seem so excited about this guy. And you know what, I actually agree with LH too in that adults who are attracted to each other can and should act on that if they are engaging in open and honest conversations. So like Don, I don’t necessarily think you are getting anything wrong. It is just that from an outside point of view, just like Don pointed out, your words and actions don’t match and I just don’t want you to get caught up, spun out, and hurt again. He sounds like a nice guy and he may very well be perfect for you. And if that is the case, yay for you, G and yay for dude because you are a catch.

I get what you are saying about how we interpreted your own words that he wasn’t getting invited in where you meant not getting invited in for sexy time but that is really neither here nor there. Just a week ago, you were pretty meh about the dude thinking he was blowing you off then when he showed interest and wanted a last minute date, you considered it. Now, he’s great, you felt safe, etc and then when some of us say slow down, you quickly change gears to I like him, he likes me and that’s all it is, nothing more.

I’m really not trying to be negative because I’m glad you had fun and I hope you continue to do so and this works out well for you. It just seems, despite the fact that you have changed some things up (good for you!!!!!!!!), you are getting a bit caught up.