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Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Hey Kiro, not sure whether to congratulate you or offer condolences on the D, LOL! So I'll ask instead, how are you doing? Did it affect you positively or negatively emotionally? I felt like it would send me spiraling, but instead I walked out of court and just breathed a sigh of relief. It felt like I could finally put it behind me and work on rebuilding my life. I hope it was the same for you!


Hi AS, thanks for asking. To be honest, the D itself didn't affect me at all negatively or positively. We had already agreed on everything with a mediator and submitted the paperwork back in the spring. The court's decision was nothing but a formality really. Maybe, the only relief was because there was always a tiny risk that the court could disagree with something in the agreement. I did actually discover 1 surprise; that the spousal support payments will be increased every year to account for inflation. It annoyed me for 1 day and then I just moved on wink


But I have to say that my struggles are not over yet. I am still working on rebuilding my life and rediscovering what I want to do. The toughest part is loneliness and boredom. I met a few other women during the past 6 months, but still haven't found the right person. Mentally, I know that I shouldn't rush into a new relationship before being ready and meeting the right person, but I really like company and don't enjoy being on my own all the time. I don't know how people do it.

I also think that I haven't gone through all the 5 stages of grieving properly. Apparently, I somehow had skipped the Anger stage, but had managed to go through the Denial, Bargaining, Depression and possibly even Acceptance. I am now feeling "soft" anger and contempt toward my ex, and I don't wish her a happy life. I'd like to say that I don't feel that way, but unfortunately I do.

That's really where I am... rebuilding my life slowly piece by piece one day at a time...


Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14
BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017
Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019
kiro #2875310 12/09/19 02:47 PM
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kiro Offline OP
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It’s been 3 months since I logged on to this site. I thought I’d give a few quick updates.

In a few weeks, it will be 2 years since my ExW left and 2.5 years since BD.

D was finalized 3 months ago and all financials settled now.

There is no contact between XW and me except a few short emails from time to time about shared expenses.

I’ve done all my payments to her according to D agreement with no delays. She hasn’t completed all hers yet. She’s delaying and making it difficult. I feel she’s trying to push my buttons.

I have a girlfriend now and we’re getting along really well. She’s a great person and we’re in love with each other. She’s also been separated for over 2 years and going through her D now. We still haven’t taken our R to the next level until her D is final.

My GF reminds me not to get caught in the small traps that my XW puts for me. Instead of engaging in disputes when she tries to push my buttons, I just let it go and take the high road.

E.g. XW owes me a few hundred $. She’s been delaying payment although I just paid her hundreds of thousands $ in cash as part of D settlement. When I reminded her by email, she took forever to reply, then wrote back that she will look into it when she has time, and that she’ll deduct $50 she paid for Uber to go help our S18 while I was away on 1-day business trip. I was going to write back and get into an argument but my GF told me that she’s just trying to pull my leg into a fight. So I just wrote back « Sure ». I’d rather buy my peace of mind even it costs me a few hundred $ more.

Other than that, life is good. I’m busy with work, the kids, the house... I go out with friends once a week, spend time relaxing and doing things I enjoy, I spend time with patents and siblings when I can, and mostly spend a lot of time with my GF smile

That’s it really for now.


Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14
BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017
Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019
kiro #2875320 12/09/19 03:03 PM
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kiro Offline OP
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A note for newcomers:

When I joined this site more than 21 months ago, I could only think of 1 thing: Reconciliation with my W.

I read everything available about MLC, WW, WAW, etc. I was desperate.

And I was convinced that I could wait as long as it takes and do whatever it takes to save my MR. Like most people here, I read that MLC takes 2 to 7 years on average and that most MLCs tend to be on the longer side of that range. I read that the S that leaves seldom returns before 2 years if they ever return.

I thought that I would wait.

But 2 years is awfully long and so many changes happen during that time.

At this point now, I want a new life. I hope my GF will get her D soon and look forward to a new R with her. The worst thing that could happen now is my XW wanting to come back. I don’t think I’d want to be back with her, but wouldn’t want to be put in a position to say No.

Things change and we change. Life is good and we can be happy without our WAS/MLCer blush smile

Last edited by kiro; 12/09/19 03:05 PM.

Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14
BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017
Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019
kiro #2875328 12/09/19 03:30 PM
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Quote
She’s also been separated for over 2 years and going through her D now.


So you're in love with a married chick? Man...

"Separated" means "married but looking to step out on my marriage" in my experience. I wonder if what she is telling you is true.

And you're still not sure if you want your ex or not.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
kiro #2875343 12/09/19 04:36 PM
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Hey Kiro, glad to hear you are doing well! Sorry to hear your XW is still being a pain-in-the-rear but it happens sometimes. Don't get in too big of a hurry to take your R with GF" to the next level", you've got plenty of time! Try to get to know who this person is before jumping into anything serious. Good luck!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
ovrrnbw #2875361 12/09/19 05:57 PM
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kiro Offline OP
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Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
So you're in love with a married chick? Man...

"Separated" means "married but looking to step out on my marriage" in my experience. I wonder if what she is telling you is true.

And you're still not sure if you want your ex or not.


Trust me. I am more conservative than almost anyone on this site. I haven't and will not engage in anything with this woman until she is totally divorced.

She has been asking her H for D for 2 years, but he's been ignoring her. She hadn't fought for it in court because she felt she didn't need to and because she was afraid of him. When we met and she started having feelings for me, she immediately went to a lawyer and is now working with the lawyer and her H through legal proceedings.

She is the most religious, devout and modest woman I have ever met. Her H has cheated on her many times. And she left him more than 2 years ago. They have been living separate lives since then.


Am I unsure about my ex? No... But this is a complicated topic. I know I am doing the right thing. I don't feel I need to
explain myself any further.


Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14
BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017
Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019
Joined: Mar 2018
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kiro Offline OP
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Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Don't get in too big of a hurry to take your R with GF" to the next level", you've got plenty of time! Try to get to know who this person is before jumping into anything serious. Good luck!


thanks AS. We are getting to know each other. That's all we're doing now. I'm in for the long ride. We are not rushing anything, really not. This R may go somewhere or not. I feel lucky that I met this woman. She is great. She also thinks I am great. That's all for now. The rest will take time as you say...


Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14
BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017
Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019
kiro #2883879 02/04/20 12:25 AM
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kiro Offline OP
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Wow! It hasn't even been 3 years since BD (almost 2.5 years), just over 2 years since separation and only 6 months since D.

But it feels like such a long time... I remember just after BD when I read that most MLCs lasted 3 to 7 years or more. And that MLCers never came back before 2 years if they ever came back at all...

Back then, I had no idea what 2 or 3 years would feel like. Well, now I can say that it's a VERY VERY long time to put our life on hold waiting for someone else to make up their mind... it's definitely not worth it...

Anyway, we'll see how I feel in a few years when it will be 7 years laugh


Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14
BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017
Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019
kiro #2883880 02/04/20 12:41 AM
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Wow. Hey Kiro. You are a name and a sich I haven't seen or read since I first got here a year ago. Hope everything is good with you and life. Sounds like you are on the up and up.

IHCLACS #2883882 02/04/20 01:27 AM
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kiro Offline OP
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Originally Posted by IHCLACS
Wow. Hey Kiro. You are a name and a sich I haven't seen or read since I first got here a year ago. Hope everything is good with you and life. Sounds like you are on the up and up.


Yea.. I don't come here very often anymore b/c I don't have much to offer and don't have anything more to learn about the topics discussed here...

I used to give advice to others, but I can't really do this anymore... Although many siches look alike, people are different and stories can take different paths. It's almost like trying to predict someone's free will. Even God doesn't try to guess what each person will choose to do.


Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14
BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017
Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019
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