Well, I don’t know. At times it seems like things are improving and at other times I’m not so sure.
I took my daughter skiing this past weekend, just the two of us, which was fun. The next day I did some things around the house and then that night we had a party. Normally I won’t dance at that kind of thing though I want to, but my wife doesn’t like to dance. One of her friends was working hard to drag her out there and so i used it as an opportunity to get her out there and then i went to and danced the rest of the evening. We didn’t really dance together, I just focused on having fun. That night as we went to be I held her hand. Not sure if that was a good move or not but I believe I was 10 drinks in so I wasn’t very calculating.
On the next day I had to run some errands and I was very surprised that she volunteered to get with me. That is highly unusual. And I felt like she was more interested in me than normal. It could just be my mind playing tricks on me. Since Monday we have been back to normal though and we have counseling tomorrow which is always interesting.
We do have an interesting month going as each weekend we have plans. Another gala, going to the theater, and an out of town trip with the kids. I’m also trying to plan a ski trip with the kids and I have a guys trip in March so fortunately I have tons to look forward to, which is awesome.
I have a lot going on at work that is very stressful. I’m just trying to keep from being overwhelmed by everything, stay positive, and stay patient (long suffering as Steve would say). It’s a battle every day.
Well, I don’t know. At times it seems like things are improving and at other times I’m not so sure.
I took my daughter skiing this past weekend, just the two of us, which was fun. The next day I did some things around the house and then that night we had a party. Normally I won’t dance at that kind of thing though I want to, but my wife doesn’t like to dance. One of her friends was working hard to drag her out there and so i used it as an opportunity to get her out there and then i went to and danced the rest of the evening. We didn’t really dance together, I just focused on having fun. That night as we went to be I held her hand. Not sure if that was a good move or not but I believe I was 10 drinks in so I wasn’t very calculating.
On the next day I had to run some errands and I was very surprised that she volunteered to get with me. That is highly unusual. And I felt like she was more interested in me than normal. It could just be my mind playing tricks on me. Since Monday we have been back to normal though and we have counseling tomorrow which is always interesting.
We do have an interesting month going as each weekend we have plans. Another gala, going to the theater, and an out of town trip with the kids. I’m also trying to plan a ski trip with the kids and I have a guys trip in March so fortunately I have tons to look forward to, which is awesome.
I have a lot going on at work that is very stressful. I’m just trying to keep from being overwhelmed by everything, stay positive, and stay patient (long suffering as Steve would say). It’s a battle every day.
Hey man, this is a great update. Remember, these things happen in baby steps. There was no one big event where my W was back all in. It was a slow turning, like a ship turns, over time. A baby step here. A baby step there. So I see baby steps here, and that is positive.
Keep up the good work. Yes, be long suffering. I'd also, as I always do, caution against drinking. I am anti-alcohol for a variety of reasons, but LBSs need to be in total control. Many a LBS' progress in DBing has been lost in a drunken attempt at some type of pressure and pursuit.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
We go to counseling today, all and all the session is going relatively well. The counselor was pushing for some commitment from us I would say, which she has done the last three times we've been there in regards to being willing to work on the marriage. And she was pushing on whether or not things were improving.
I'm not sure if it was the right thing to say or not. My wife said that things were not improving. I was asked for my thoughts. I said that it was hard. It was hard to know where the boundaries are. Last time we were there my wife seemed upset that I had stopped saying I love you and that I stopped giving her a kiss good night. So I had started back up. I said it was hard to know where the boundaries are. I said that limbo is hard, my wife agreed.
I said that I didn't know how it was going to get better if she remained half in and half out. Mind you she had just said that she couldn't commit and she agreed she was half in and half out, so she said she was out.
We got the name and number of a mediator. We did not schedule another time to go back to see the marriage counselor. I mean the song bombs over Baghdad just rings in my head. (Outkast, look it up).
WTF. I took it very very chill for better or worse. It didn't catch me off guard because for months I've just been waiting for her to put the final nail in the coffin. This is just comical to me.
So I went back to work. I'll finish up the day. I've got a happy hour tonight that I'll go to. I called to schedule a call with my divorce busting coach to work through some thoughts. Emotionally, I'm angry and frustrated.
I talked to a friend of mine who said there is no one she goes through with it. In the session, she said she was afraid.
I'm really tempted to make the first move (the call to the mediator) but I guess I'll wait till after I talk to my coach. Just incredible folks. It's hard for me not to laugh at the situation.
Scotty B it is comical and it’s all about them and their feelings. They are too emotionally immature to understand that marriage is hard and takes work. They are looking for the affair high and think it’s going to last forever. Then they wake up one day and say WTF did I do?
You did everything a reasonable man could do to keep your family together. You’ll be just fine!
LH, In my situation, I feel like its different than that. I think she feels broken and numb and she is trying to fix it. When she looks around she sees me as the reason. I'm abusive, I make her feel bad about herself, its my fault she didn't have more children, I make her feel like a sex object, I'm not there to support her, I cut her down when she's at her weakest or make sarcastic cutting remarks, I don't appreciate her-- the list is long and I've literally kept a running list over the years.
But, the bottom-line truth of the matter is that it's not me. She is where she is because of the choices she makes. It's very sad, I feel bad for the kids. I'll be fine, not what I want and I'll continue to divorce bust because that's who I am.
I'm not sure at what point I'm supposed to say that I've had enough and walk away. I'm not sure when that time is, but in my DNA it's just not who I am. Oh well, we'll see what happens next.
