Hey! Congratulations! I thought a proposal was coming back on January 20th when I asked what you were getting her for Valentine's Day. I can't wait to see some photos!
You know your situation far better than we do and you have known S for a long time. Now, if you could just get 20S to come get her stuff and not drag her feet about it.
As for you S25, I'm glad the job is working out for him. I hope he finds a nice apartment and can take Liz and Amy with him...but I think the cats will miss their "big" home and you, i.e., just as much as you will miss them. If he moves and can't take them with him , you will allow them to stay there with you and your new family? I would hate to see them lost in the shuffle of life.
Well, the new year certainly has started out on an interesting note. I'm sure your family and friends are all shocked by all of this, but they will be happy for you once the dust settles.
Just remember, if you don't feel comfortable w/something, tell her and don't just go along w/the program and be unhappy.
One last thing...are we all getting an invitation to the wedding since we are your Forum family?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Congratulations! And - not to be a spoilsport - get a PRENUP!
Seriously - I know you think everything will be wine and roses and I sincerely hope that this will be. BUT - the risk of a marriage at this age is that you could lose a chunk of your assets in a divorce that you sorely need for your own retirement (which will be on you before you know it, believe me).
I was just thinking about this the other day in regards to my ex. We married in our 20's and built everything together, so even though he resents me getting my fair share in our community property state, it was all earned while we were together as a team. I was imagining, though, if his second marriage were to break down. He's approaching 60 and having health problems that are surely making him think about his mortality, and he had MLCs at 40 and again at 50 so he very well might do it again and mess up his current marriage. He's been married for about 7 years and his duplex property has appreciated significantly in that time, plus he's been earning pension credits all that time. If she divorced him he would have to pay her 12% of his remaining pension and might owe her as much as $400k equity in the property. That would mean he'd have to sell his place and move inland with the hoi polloi - which he'd be distraught about.
I'm not saying your new bride should be shut out of everything, just wouldn't want to see you in a couple of years with it not working out for some reason and having to sell your home to buy her out or stuck working until you're 80. Just sayin'.
Thank you all for the cogratulations. I very much appreciate the positivity.
Originally Posted by job
Hey! Congratulations! I thought a proposal was coming back on January 20th when I asked what you were getting her for Valentine's Day. I can't wait to see some photos!
I hope that we can publish something fairly soon. I finally got a "congratulations" from D27 and her H so there is just S's S24(23?) in Australia to be told. We don't want the kids or immediate family finding out through social media. I suspect that my ex-wife already knows as she historically had excellent sources of intel She won't be invited though.
Originally Posted by job
Now, if you could just get 20S to come get her stuff and not drag her feet about it.
I'm actually very worried about 20S. I know little about her situation but do know that she has no independent access to money or transportation to get herself out of her situation. She does say that she has friends locally who are stepping up. While I expect that there is no overt abuse involved, the little I know isn't good. The sooner she is in a safe place, the better. It's a shame that she went back to the guy when they split around Christmas but I think that many of us can sypathize with the idea of keeping working on a relationship that is badly broken. She'll need her stuff or money from selling it sooner rather than later so I'm not worried about the "stuff". I'm just worried about her.
Originally Posted by job
As for you S25, I'm glad the job is working out for him. I hope he finds a nice apartment and can take Liz and Amy with him...but I think the cats will miss their "big" home and you, i.e., just as much as you will miss them. If he moves and can't take them with him , you will allow them to stay there with you and your new family? I would hate to see them lost in the shuffle of life.
S25 and I have talked pretty much ever since he moved home about what we would do for "the girls" when he moves out on his own. This is the only home they've known and while they an be a pain in the butt at times, they are Family. If S25 takes them with him when he moves that's good as long as it's a place where they can be happy, yik at the birds and sleep in the sunshine. If they stay then we'll have to navigate introducing S's two cats and that will need to be done carefully. They seem to be doing ok with the dog thus far when she comes to visit although they may have memories of how they dominated my ex-wife's Pomeranian. But despite the fact that they look little like me, they are family and need to be taken care of.
Originally Posted by job
Just remember, if you don't feel comfortable w/something, tell her and don't just go along w/the program and be unhappy.
A very very tough lesson to learn - for both of us actually. We're working on it.
Originally Posted by job
One last thing...are we all getting an invitation to the wedding since we are your Forum family?
LOL - we'll see. The invitee list is likely going to be quite small. I suspect much of the planning will be done by S and her D25 and be out of my hands. I've already heard conversations about re-purposing things from D25's wedding for her mother's and a friend's. Those decisions have yet to be made and will be balanced between budget, scheduling those who are far away and other factors like the high anxiety issues that S's S17 has with crowds. I would like to have my brothers and sisters and children there though as a minimum. But we'll see. Family dynamics and schedules can be complicated.
Now where did I put that contact information for my local Elvis impersonator .... Perhaps it may be best if I talk to S first ...
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Congratulations! And - not to be a spoilsport - get a PRENUP!
Thanks kml! We've talked about this and a visit to both the lawyer and accountant are in order. S may have an inheritance that will need to be protected along with whatever legacy she has for her kids. On my side, making sure that my own children's legacy is protected along with preserving the assets I bring in and my retirement are top of mind and have been all along. And while S has few liabilities, fire-walling those will be necessary.
We also want to talk to an accountant about the tax implications of her dependent children along with the support she is currently receiving. Much of the support is coming from XH#2 who is the father of the dependent children and he is a financial basket case. Making sure the interests of all parties are clearly laid out will be tricky.
It is sad in some ways that while we can talk of forever, we know all too well that sometimes forever ends early.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Your house is going to be very full again. And with who you are, it will be home to everyone in no time.
Love and peace my dear friend.
DnJ
PS - I can play the wedding march on my accordion, if that help grease the wheels on an invite. I don’t charge much. A even with that, still very little bookings. Well actually none...ever. Lol
Da da dada Da da dada Da da daDaa da da da da dada
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Congrats Andrew. Wishing you all the very best life has to offer.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
She won't be invited though.
I don’t charge much. A even with that, still very little bookings. Well actually none...ever. Lol