She doesn't know where she's going out of town? Hmm? Sounds like a nice romantical surprise... great job on your response and not being attached to it and also great job in responding to her as far as her having control over what time you get there so she's not late. My XW does this a lot with me what pickups during certain times of the week with her "appointments" as if it's a big mystery that I don't know what she's doing who she seeing where she's going and what time. They're all legitimate therapy appointments but? She always tries to enforce that I get there on time even though I'm always on time and I've never been late. Really good job on the validation firemann
Thanks. I was very conscientious to be detached and validate, but the pressure to just Beg her to come home was seriously overwhelming.
I did also ask her - how is it that NOW, you are somehow able to TELL them To come over? She kind of sidestepped her response, and I let it go.
I felt like she been manipulating their minds.
On another front, I do feel this weird uncomfortable feeling she won’t be living across the street from me anymore in a few weeks. I’m starting to feel truly alone; like if I were to get hurt or something, nobody would really immediately know? Maybe it’s relief. I just often feel better about my life when I am partnered in a relationship.
I’m starting to feel truly alone; like if I were to get hurt or something, nobody would really immediately know?
I have kids full time but if I didn't I'd have some other plan. I recently used care.com to hire someone to drive me to the dr. Ended up crying there (embarrassing) all I could think of was H won't have this problem. Being alone takes some getting used to that's for sure.
Journaling -------------- So - Fri night both kids stayed with me. Saturday, my daughter had other plans. My son was a little leary on staying over by himself without his sister. I told him we could do dinner and movie and he could bring a friend. He loved it and I spent Fri and Sat just validating them and enjoying them.
Sunday was ok. I ended up having dinner with a nurse (friend of a friend). We parted ways right before the start of the SuperBowl and, rather then go to a bar, I stayed home and hung with the dog.
How I am feeling: ----------------------- 1) I felt really good about the kids.
2)The wife's initial interrogatories from my lawyer came back Fri and my lawyer made a remark that "you're (ie - me) probably extremely upset after reading them, and that is understandable.' I haven't read them yet, but, after reading that, now I am actually feeling anxious/scared to!!!
Part of me is thinking the document could state - "the W actually had 25 boyfriends before we split. Ooops. Sorry." Another part of me is thinking she has something on me, twisted from our past. I just wish my lawyer would say - "yea, she's a cheater and everything you suspected was true."
3) I am wanting to date someone. I know, LH19, NOT READY YET. Female validation is a serious drug for me that I am trying to shake. It's seriously difficult. I like the man I am becoming but I would like someone else sitting in this house with me besides the dog. Maybe I look for a roommate.
Odd thing is that, ocassionally, I am actually starting to really like being alone. Everything is a good idea. Oreos at 2am? Sure. Listen to Metallica at 330am? Sure.
Freedom being alone right? Nurse? Lucky dog. Send her my way if you're not ready. I get the whole female validation thing. Been chasing it since I was 4. And will be 40 in Sept. Have come to realize that if I am seeking female validation, then Im definately not getting out and not GALing enough. 22 years 4 failed relationships and a failed marriage. On one hand I miss the adventure, getting to know someone, the excitement of things being new, and the sex. What man wouldn't? On the other hand. A lot of us can't be bothered shacking up, or just don't want to be vulnerable or commiting to anyone until we "find ourselves" again and build on it into a whole new person. The opposite sex and the dating game cones with its own set of problems, along with our own. I love being alone, just [censored] money is so tight that I can't get out. Haven't been out in 4 months, and now I have a whole new set of family, money, and trust ssues with my Mother's estate and entitled demanding POS family members who all of a sudden want something. Owe XW back monies on S2 insurance and daycare. Still would rather be alone, go through it alone, and deal and cope with all of it alone. Beats the $hit out of being around toxic endangering, untrusting backstabbers. Definitely making me stronger. Next on my agenda. Get taxes and refund and nook a trip to Montana. Just for myself. Time to live. If you can Firemann. Make sone travel plans and live a little. It might clear your head.
Journaling ------------- I think I have some kind of depression. I just feel like a failure lately. A lot of things are cranking my anxiety up: the thought of going into child custody mediation knowing she wants full custody, any time I see a layer email in my Inbox.
I received my W's interrogatory answers back and she's denying the affair and claiming she has no knowledge of calling the OM's number, despite it showing up 400x on the cell phone bill. She also wants full custody of the kids.
She also claims I have no knowledge of the kids daily schedule and was never a hands on dad with the kids. That statement just blew my mind. I have always been a part of my kid's lives and 95%, have no problem running them around as needed. I don't think I've ever missed an event in their lives....I just cannot believe how much that statement has hurt me. It's made me mad enough to just not respond to any of her texts.
i kicked in a little more child support to help with gymnastics and I got a subsequent text from her: "Hope you got some sleep on your last fire station shift. Will there be any more money for gymnastics or is this it? Just trying to budget." I ignored it.
How was I ever married to this person?! i swear, I am nothing more than a missing paycheck.
I am just so sick of feeling this bad about things!!!!
Gaslighting is a terrible thing. And she is gaslighting you hard.
Two things. One legal. One psychological.
Please tell me you've hired a lawyer. Personally I would stop all non-court ordered support. But you need a lawyer since this is all a legal proceeding now.
Second, please tell me you are in IC? Feeling bad. Being depressed. Feeling like a failure. No good comes from that.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
