Oh yes, I've had a lawyer for a while. She's been phenominal.
I need to read up on gaslighting. I've heard the term but don't know what it means.
Im currently looking for a new IC; one that has some experience in abandonment issues. My last guy was good, but after a while, I wasn't getting a lot out of him.
Be calm. Let her throw tantrums and tell lies. You detach. You be the zen master. Her words have no power over you.
You? Psshh you have all kinds of good stuff going in your life: good job, good kids, fairly attractive (I'm assuming b/c you get attention from women). Why let someone who apparently doesn't want you (your W) bring you down? Don't.
Stick to your financial agreements. Stick to business, go have fun and forget about her.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Oh yes, I've had a lawyer for a while. She's been phenominal.
I need to read up on gaslighting. I've heard the term but don't know what it means.
Im currently looking for a new IC; one that has some experience in abandonment issues. My last guy was good, but after a while, I wasn't getting a lot out of him.
Gaslighting is complex, but in a nutshell it is when someone tells another one that something isn't true that the other person knows is true.
For instance, LBS finds evidence of an A. WAS says "Your imagining things! There is no one else!" LBS then starts to question whether the evidence is valid or not.
Lots of dysfunctional people in R use the technique to try to do what they want with no consequences. It is sociopathic.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
...cranking my anxiety up: the thought of going into child custody mediation knowing she wants full custody.... I have always been a part of my kid's lives..
Been there. I just glanced at your states custody standards. Similar to mine.
My lawyer said "It is mine to lose"...IE I should get 50% unless I start messing up and not doing things. Hopefully the same in your case.
You have proof she is a liar (Phone records and her statement) use this as evidence she is also lying about your involvement.
If your goal is to have 50% keep taking steps toward that. I stayed in marital home until I had 50/50 written agreement. I moved into a rental that 3 bedrooms. one for me. On for D. On for the boys. I purchased bunkbed for the boys. I attended parenting classes.
Stand up for your rights as dad. It is worth it.
As for the anxiety, Your thoughts and fears are creating it. Learn to self-sooth. Breath. Take actions instead of thinking.
You can handle it
R2C "What is best for my kids is best for me"
PS: Research shows what is best for the kids is equal and frequent involvement with BOTH parent. Arm your self with this type of info.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I feel for you, this is just miserable stuff to go through. It WILL get better, but I know that's not much of a consolation right now.
Regarding the gymnastics costs, can you arrange it to where each of you pay your half directly to the gym? That's what XW and I started doing after S. That way we didn't have to ask each other for money, so there was no resentment over it. You don't want to get in a situation where W has to constantly ask for money and you portion some out and then ignore her like this, because she will get very angry/ resentful over it. I've seen it happen many times!
One major issue we have is that we never had a separation agreement (she didn't want to sign one).
We have a second mediation session for child custody this coming week. We haven't seen eye-to-eye on this as I want 50/50 and she wants 100%. i want my kids badly but the courts system intimidates me and causes a ton of anxiety.
Steve, I read up on gaslighting and that's precisely what's been going on. Last January, I did find evidence of an affair (her textual description of the event to an ex-boyfriend) and she stated he wrote adult stories about infidelity and she was fictituously describing one involving her and an elisted man....and then a few months later, I discovered she'd been in contact with an a military base phone number for 8 months. As painful as it was to discover, I just wish she'd outright admit it instead of dragging this through the legal system.
I feel just really mixed up inside. I feel like I don't want to ever hear from her or see her again. At the same time, she is moving from my subdivision to one thats 5 mins away and it just reinforces she is gone....the kids will no longer be walking distance away. In that sense, I actally feel like I miss her.
I can't believe after 20 years of being together - this is how things will end. I have to keep telling myself - better days....better like you've never dreamed of....are ahead. I miss the way things were 5 years ago with my family (and Lord, those Facebook Memories pictures that keep popping up don't help me to keep those memories in the past).
but the courts system intimidates me and causes a ton of anxiety.
You should be able to go and observe some divorce hearings. Your lawyer should be able to help clarify the process and give you an idea of typical outcomes. Most of my fear went away after my first consolation with lawyer.
I just read you first post. Has anything changed? I assume you currently have a 50/50 in place. You are still in the marital home. You are setting precedence.
The mother is going for full custody. When did her desire for this change? I bet after the lawyers got involved. Was she fine with the 50/50 before Lawyers involved?
What is the main reason you go to work? I go to work to make money. Why do lawyers work? Use logic during this process. Having lawyers argue for you is expensive.
This is not legal advise. Just another option to consider. I believe it is good for people to know about many options.
Fight fire with water. If she is claiming that you do not have a 50/50 agreement, then really consider filing an injunction that the kids are to remain in the family home until this matter is resolved. They need stability and mother is moving multiple times. Clarify this option through your lawyer.
Also look into father rights groups in your area.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I just read you first post. Has anything changed? I assume you currently have a 50/50 in place. You are still in the marital home. You are setting precedence.
Hi Ready2Change, he mentioned in September he let the kids stay with their mom since they preferred that. Six months may establish precedence? He had both kids Friday, his son Saturday.
In my state, I'd expect the judge to offer a path to 50/50 even if it was a ramp-up taking one to two years. The ages of the kids matter, though, since teenagers especially 16+ often have great say over the choice. See lawyers--they know best! Hopefully a lawyer is suggesting to fireman what would be probable if this went to court so his he knows in mediation but what to request and what to demand.
I'm going to touch base with my lawyer this week. Early on, she stated she wanted the kids during the school year and guess what, despite my protests, she pretty much did just that.
Oh, and one other thing. I am doing laundry today....she stole our pocket change bucket from the laundry room. Probably had $100 worth of change in it. She is so freggin' petty. I didn't even give a single reaction to it.
I feel like she's just bitter and angry at me and these moves are attempts to screw with my anxiety. It's working, but I am not giving her the satisfaction of a reaction. I get she wants a divorce, but I am wanting to divorce civilly, like adults.
I get she wants a divorce, but I am wanting to divorce civilly, like adults.
I'm not divorcing an adult I'm divorcing an overgrown teenager. As such I came out swinging. Filed with grounds and I'm asking for everything under the moon.
