I can't tell you how to live your life. You gotta do what's right for you but please hear me out. I have zero judgement on casual sex. Zero judgement on you doing you as far as it comes to intimacy. Zero judgments on separated folks / divorced folks, banging one out here and there. But for me, my husband isn't casual sex. While i understand In my sitch I have an apparent OW so things are a bit different. And trust me when I say I would give anything to hate F my husband right now. He hasn't touched me since November. But... and this is a big but, the day I excused him from our bed and it became MY bed was the day the muffin shop closed until further notice. That's the love of my life who looked me in the eye and said our marriage is unsalvageable. His love for me is gone. There is no way in hell the person who devastated me like that is getting in my bed when he wants, much less between my thighs. Maybe some day when he's out of the house and he sends an "are you up?" text to me late on a Friday night, months from now and I'm desperate for touch, there's a remote chance that can be a thing. But there is no way I'm letting him live both his married life and his single life under the roof we share AND give it up. He's already getting the comfort of our kids, and a house that's always stocked with food and toilet paper, he's not getting more from me. He wants that single life so bad that includes that single life WORK to get laid. Easy, simple, I know exactly what you like, married sex is for married men that wanna be married. I get that you have needs. Dear lord in heaven, I get the needs part. But you need to really ask yourself if filling that need is worth your mental health. And to be honest possibly your physical health, because he is gone a lot, there are things you might not know.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
True detachment is the hardest thing ever. I can fake the hell out of it. There are days, and more in a row every week, where I really am detached. But really getting my head and heart out of his wake has been a struggle. ...I deactivated my facebook since I couldn't even stop myself when I took him out of my feed. I've talked to him about paying for his own phone since I'm not really feeling like bank rolling his way of communicating to his OW. I know logically and in my gut where he's going and what he's doing when he does it. But it's so much easier to say eff it. You do you I'm going to do me when I don't have to look the evidence in the eye so to speak. And my worst days are the day after I see the old H peeking out. Because I know it's just a fallacy right now.
But to your point of why should you put up with this and accept it; is what my H (and your H) doing abso-effing-lutely pathetic and soooo disrespectful? Hell yes. Before DBing I told him exactly how I felt about that. He got the tears, and begging at first and then a WHOLE lot of anger. He knows he's being a terrible person. He just doesn't care. So there's no point in arguing. There's no point at all in drawing a line in the sand. I've tried and I learned. He'll run right through it while making eye contact with me and then lie about it. But I've only been at this a couple of months. I found out about the affair in November. He BD'd in December. You've been at this a long time. You have every right to throw in the towel, but I agree with the lot of the other posters. You have to do that from a place of peace. You need to be in the head space of ambivalence first, then you know your choice is a choice from a place of logic not emotion. When you're really done, you know. I know this from my daughter's father not my current H. It was like "oh, ok. well we're done then." No anger. No sadness. Just ok, we're done. I'm done. This is done. You having your heart and emotions so rocked by him means you're not there. You're not done. So you gotta keep DBing and working on really detaching. We got this.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
The next important, and I think the most misunderstood technique, is DB detaching. The link in the homework is pretty wordy, and if I can remember, I'll send a copy of DB detaching that is a shorter form, to get you started. I think it is hard for the newcomer b/c they are usually the ones who want to save the MR, and their emotions have been traumatized. IMHO, it seems most LBS's have difficulty maintaining even keel. Most LBS's will dramatically shift too far up or down, east or west, left or right. It's like driving a vehicle on the street. You have to stay between the lines, or take a big chance of making things much, much worse.
Your H has made it pretty clear that he is not interested in you or the MR. The more you try to persuade him to see things differently, or the more you try to vocally convince him the M can change for the better..........the more he is going to resist, He is in an emotional battle with life. He will drag down and/or fight anyone who tries to tell him what he doesn't want to hear. He cannot learn through hearing words. He has to learn visually and experiential. Anything else is useless. This is one reason facing the consequences from dishonoring boundaries works well. Boundaries are not an opportunity to lecture. He is tone deaf. He can't read anything you might suggest, nor watch a video or listen to a tape about marriage. Those features have died. Therefore, you have to discipline yourself when you have the desire to explode on him, or try once more to just have a relationship discussion. It only sets you back to square one.
I said all that ^^^^^ to introduce the action I believe works best. Based on the mindset he has, he sees you as another source of emotional pressure. Maybe he sees it as the main source of unhappiness, or whatever. He sees himself happier if only he were free. His life is passing by too quickly and he will resist anything that gets in his way of grabbing for the gusto that awaits him. Ugh! Unfortunately, that includes having other women. If he had high morals, they seem to be gone, and currently, he is suggesting an open M. That tells me he is willing to put not only his M, but his W at risk......by inviting others to be intimate. He is so wrapped up in himself that he doesn't see anything else. He may have an unmet emotional need, but he is currently unwilling to "do the right thing" like a logical, sane adult. To cut to the chase, I am suggesting you become the dump-er, instead of the dump-ee. Let your attitude, GAL, personal attention, one-on-one time, home environment, family activity, etc., paint a picture for him. He sees he is losing his W of seven yrs. He no longer gets text messages from her throughout the day/night, checking in with him. If he wants to spend the night out, he has to get a babysitter, b/c his W is out getting her own life. He doesn't know what she's doing, b/c she doesn't care to share anything. In fact, there are several things about his W that tells him she is moving on. She doesn't ask him anything about his life, their MR, his future plans........nothing. She doesn't complain, preach, get revenge, nor act like a victim. He doesn't know what is going on in her head, but she looks and acts differently. He wonders if she wants a divorce. He wonders if he has lost her.
I can almost read your mind. "Isn't this exactly what he wants?" I can explain more, later. Just let me assure you that I am not telling you to do any action that goes against your personal belief system. I'm not telling you to do anything with revenge or hatred. You need to let him go. I mean, you behave as if you have emotionally let go of him. That's what he needs to feel. No pressure from you. Another thing you have to do is let go of the anger. Okay, so that will be tough, but don't show anger to him. You can be spunky, but not angry.
Got to close this long post. Hope I have not thrown too much into one post. If you have questions, please ask.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Any way to make plans? Get a sitter for the kids, make plans. Then inform him something came up and you can't talk tonight. That will buy you time to study validation. To mentally and emotionally prepare.
Originally Posted by Steve85
Even statements like: "I do not think you should move out. Ever. But I can't stop you from doing so." Are better than saying "Yes I agree" to something that you do not agree to.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
H just IM'd me at work asking when we're going to tell the girls about him and his daughter moving out and our divorce. When I said I'd rather not talk about this at work he kept pushing.
Originally Posted by Steve85
I would have continued to avoid the messages.
"Sorry, very busy, can't discuss now." Then ignore him.
Tonight, when he talks, listen and validate. Study the validation thread. Remember, you can deflect too when he tries to pin you down.
"So when are we telling the girls I am moving out?"
"I really need some time to consider everything, this is a lot to think about."
Listen. Validate. Deflect. Do not get into back and forths. Do not get into specifics.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Therefore, you have to discipline yourself when you have the desire to explode on him, or try once more to just have a relationship discussion. It only sets you back to square one. 
He is so wrapped up in himself that he doesn't see anything else. He may have an unmet emotional need, but he is currently unwilling to "do the right thing" like a logical, sane adult.