W kicked me out of house 4 weeks ago. I was checked out, emotionally neglectful, and addicted to social media. I’ve started the changes i need to make: no SM, getting help for my depression. I’ve been the peruser and it didn’t work, obviously. W and I had meeting on Sunday: she said too little too late while crying, didn’t want the BD but I pushed her into it, W lost trust and respect in me. I’m trying the going dark, but I’ve been that way through the R. I want to fix our M and gain her trust and respect. Please, any help would be awsome
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL).
DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Please explain to me how she kicked you out of the house? Because if this happened to me my stance would be "If you want to leave, you are welcome to. But I am staying."
The one that wants out leaves. Or doesn't. But legally she had no standing for you to leave the house.
And if you think leaving was "nice" and would appease her, you now know after the meeting on Sunday that didn't work.
Move back in. Take back the MBR. You mention the loss of respect, so go back and command respect. Moving out never does that.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
My first thought is the same as Steve's. She can't kick you out. Move back in immediately.
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she said too little too late while crying
R2C just mentioned in another thread how this is a good sign. You need to listen and validate if she brings this up again. Keep focusing on your 180s in the meantime.
The best apology is changed behavior (I stole that from someone on this site).
Start with the DB basics. Read a lot here. Post a lot here. Learn. Grow. Heal.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
She asked me to leave the house, that she was done. My name is not on the house, and we have a 3 yo daughter. It was easier for me to leave, not emotionally or that I wanted to. The loss of respect was due to the fact that I didn’t keep my word, I lied about dumb things, never kept a commitment I made, never lived in the moment(went to my daughters choir concert, instead of me being happy and supporting her, I was negative and made snide comments about the songs and teacher), biggest was the loss of trust: I would tell her “I will change” and it would last 5 days or less, and I would isolate myself from her, I quit talking to her, wouldn’t show her that she was loved and wanted. That’s how I lost trust, respect is earned-I didn’t respect myself and she lost respect for me because of the way I treated her. She’s my best friend, love her to no end: I treated her badly, I would respond to her with anger and sharp tongued words because I was depressed. I didn’t go to bed with her because I was depressed and didn’t feel like I deserved her. So I would Play Xbox until 12am, on weekends where she wanted to stay up and spend time, I went to bed.
Too late to move back in, my stuff was packed up about 4-5 days after. W doesn’t want me near house. I don’t know the DB basics, since I can’t get the books. I’m on the rollercoaster of losing hope to hopeful, the little contact is killing me. I’m glad it’s a good sign, need some more signs
She asked me to leave the house, that she was done. My name is not on the house, and we have a 3 yo daughter. It was easier for me to leave, not emotionally or that I wanted to. The loss of respect was due to the fact that I didn’t keep my word, I lied about dumb things, never kept a commitment I made, never lived in the moment(went to my daughters choir concert, instead of me being happy and supporting her, I was negative and made snide comments about the songs and teacher), biggest was the loss of trust: I would tell her “I will change” and it would last 5 days or less, and I would isolate myself from her, I quit talking to her, wouldn’t show her that she was loved and wanted. That’s how I lost trust, respect is earned-I didn’t respect myself and she lost respect for me because of the way I treated her. She’s my best friend, love her to no end: I treated her badly, I would respond to her with anger and sharp tongued words because I was depressed. I didn’t go to bed with her because I was depressed and didn’t feel like I deserved her. So I would Play Xbox until 12am, on weekends where she wanted to stay up and spend time, I went to bed.
Do you think being asked to leave, and then packing up and leaving, helped you gain her respect, or lose more of it?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I’m not giving up on my M, or my W. I lost respect from her when I chose TV rather than honoring our deal, I lost respect the way I acted when I was asked to leave. I refuse to give up, but I’m losing hope, and I miss her and talking with her during the day.
Too late to move back in, my stuff was packed up about 4-5 days after. W doesn’t want me near house. I don’t know the DB basics, since I can’t get the books. I’m on the rollercoaster of losing hope to hopeful, the little contact is killing me. I’m glad it’s a good sign, need some more signs
Did a lawyer tell you this? Is there any sort of legal separation in your state?
I imagine a lawyer would tell you to get your butt back in that house asap.
Call a lawyer. Get a free consultation asap.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
